It’s been so long since I’ve sat down and poured my heart out to you all, but lately I have not been able to escape the desire to do so. As this new year has gotten underway there is something that leaps from my heart in gratitude for where I am and what God has done in my life lately. It is something that altered my spiritual journey and involves a group of believers who have no idea how deeply they affected my life or how they made a difference in ways they would not have imagined. This is my way of saying thank you and sharing with you the lessons I learned as a result.
Most of you know I have been through great losses over the past 5-6 years, including the passing of my mom and dad just six months apart last year. After their passing I felt like everything in my life had been stripped away from me. In 2018, I had left a church where I had devoted 23 years of my life, including my role as Music/Choir Director for 19 of those years. It became apparent that God was moving me in a different direction, and although I followed, it came at a time in my personal life where I needed the support of a church family more than I can even express! I knew, however, that not following God’s leading to move on would have made things even more difficult. I thought He would immediately move me to the place He wanted me to continue serving, but that didn’t happen. We visited a few churches prior to the loss of my parents, but my dad struggled with things being different, as he was dealing with advancing dementia at the time. Recognizing that “finding” a new church wasn’t going to happen with Dad’s condition and Mom’s failing health, we began attending a home church in my sister’s house that lasted a while until we all began to feel as though God was pulling us to find our new church home. My husband and I found a wonderful church and were “all in” with our attendance and participation, but after several months, something just wasn’t fitting. It was a great church, but we realized it was not where God had been leading us, though we tried to stay because we didn’t want to have to move again. With the upheaval in our lives, we just wanted to find “home” and stay there. We learned, however, that trying to stay in our comfort zones when God is still moving doesn’t work that well – not in the decision of a church to attend or in any other decisions we face in life.
We all have times where things around us get a little shaky, but for a child of God, He is still working through those times. He promised He would lead and guide us, but when there is upheaval in an area (or many areas) of life, most of us naturally want to hunker down and not move at all. We just want comfort and peace, and I was scrambling to find anything that resembled it. I just wanted to feel grounded again, but it wasn’t happening for me. When we find ourselves in these places, it is vitally important for us to be still, take a breath – even if it is a forced one – and grab hold of the truths of God’s word and promises to us that He will never leave us (Deut. 31:8) and that He is working all things out for our ultimate good (Rom. 8:28). It doesn’t mean you won’t struggle or even feel alone at times. It doesn’t mean you won’t cry out for understanding or clarity. God’s timing is perfect, but when it doesn’t align with ours, it can cause us great distress in our humanity. Waiting is never easy but waiting when you feel isolated or alone makes it even harder.
After Mom passed, my husband and I began attending a different church, one to which I was being drawn. From the first Sunday, there were things that stood out for me (amazing music with choir and orchestra, along with a biblically sound message), but the thing that stood out the most was that everyone we met seemed genuinely happy to be there and genuinely happy to see everyone who walked in the door whether they were familiar or totally new! I not only felt welcome, but I also felt seen for the first time in a long time. People treated us like old friends even though we were technically strangers. And coming from several years of feeling so isolated, it was the best feeling in the world. As we attended, I continued to watch the dynamic each week to see if what we experienced was consistent and genuine, and it seemed to be so.
After a couple of months, I felt God drawing me into a desire to serve alongside these people, and I was able to join the choir, though I had not yet made the decision whether to officially join the church as a member. That experience, and being welcomed into that group of people with open arms, is something for which I will always be grateful. What it provided for me was the opportunity to see if what I saw and felt flowing from them during services each week was true. Was it a performance? Was it a group full of egos? Or was it people with hearts of service and love for God simply doing what they are called to do? From the very first practice with them, I saw an authenticity that touched my heart deeply. Everyone involved in that music program had a huge impact on my decision to officially join the church. God used all of them to validate and cement in my heart that this is where He had led me, and this is where I belonged. Not only was there truth in the messages, but there was also truth in the people. They didn’t know the profound way God was using them to impact my life and my spiritual journey, but I do, and I am beyond grateful.
What you do as person of faith matters, and especially so as a member of a body of believers. You never know who may be watching, searching for something that is real…something that surpasses “religion” and cuts to the heart of our relationships with God and to each other. I’ve said this often, but Jesus tells us we ARE salt and light, not that we can be salt and light. We just need to decide what kind of salt and light we will be. God can do amazing things in our lives and in the lives of others around us when we serve with a willing heart. There is no way we will ever know the scope of how our lives have positively impacted this world when we put God’s word into action. We won’t always see how He worked in the lives of people around us just by us pouring love into even the strangers we meet along the way. But just like a stone tossed into the water, the ripples extend far beyond what we can see and to depths we may never even know existed.
I have such gratitude for the people that God used to create a gateway to the body of believers that has become my home. For every person I have encountered that has loved and shown God’s love not only to me, but to everyone who walks through that door, thank you. Thank you for your witness and example of what a family of God looks like. When I lost my dad on Christmas Eve last year, I felt so alone in many ways. I had only begun building relationships with those around me in my new church home, so I didn’t feel that full web of support I had experienced for all but the previous few years of my life. But standing here today, I am also a testimony of how God can soothe and heal our hearts in reverse because the unbelievable joy, love, and connectedness I feel to Him and to all of you makes it seem like you’ve been with me all along…even back then.
As we continue into this new year, I pray we can all take a moment and remember those who have impacted us in such a way that we are changed for the better. As people of faith, let us remember that we are impacting others every single day of our lives. Not only are we commanded to love, but we are commanded how to love and what that love says to the world around us…. “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” (John 13:34-35)
Blessings to you all!
p.s. If you are looking for a place to worship, come join me! https://www.gatewayvisalia.com/
As we continue through a season that is supposed to be filled with joy and love, I look around and see stress and frustration on the faces of people around me. Drivers are out of control with anger; shoppers are pushing and shoving each other; some people are going into debt trying to meet their (or others’) expectations of gift-giving. There are also some who are living with great losses and challenges that cause all the standard holiday activities to simply disappear into the background. In a season that is so often labeled as “magical,” it becomes easy to feel everything but a sense of wonder. Busyness and activity has a way of doing that before we even realize it.
Dementia has a way of turning everything upside down. One of the things I love about Teepa Snow, and her organization (
Dealing with someone who has dementia has brought so many lessons for dealing with life in general. When someone has dementia, you have to meet them where they are in order to develop and maintain a relationship with them. My dad isn’t who he used to be, and yet he is still exactly who he always was. I just have to find those things that he can still do and live in that place with him. This relationship is not exactly as I wished or hoped it would be at this stage in both our lives, but it can still be something amazing. Embracing, celebrating and being thankful for all he can still do, allows me to be open to riding this roller coaster with him instead of watching him ride alone. It allows me to live life with him now, in this moment, instead of continually seeing nothing but what has faded into the fabric of our journey. If we want to fully live, we must live in the NOW.
So as we celebrate this Christmas that is upon us, let us first remember the greatest gift God gave us by coming to earth to sacrifice Himself so we can have eternal life. But let us also remember He didn’t have much from a material standpoint, but He always worked with what He had. When He called others to join Him, He worked with what they had and compelled them to do the same. Let us celebrate not just the life of Christ, but the life He wants for each of us. He’s gifted every single one of us with abilities, even when we feel we don’t have anything on which we can build. Stop for a moment. Look within and stop focusing on what you’ve lost or wish you had. Look deeply and start recognizing all you still have, every single thing you have or are able to do is a gift. No matter your circumstances or what you might see as your deficiencies, you have way more “gifts” than you can imagine.
I’ve thought a lot this week about hoping and wishing for things. There was a situation in my personal life that looked like it was going to work out better than we had expected, but then it just didn’t pan out the way we had hoped or wished. It seems to be the way of life for us, and you’d think we would learn to not expect anything at all. After all, it would be easier to not hope for anything and be pleasantly surprised, than it would be to think something is going to work out and have it fall through. Does this sound like days, weeks, or even years you have experienced in your own life? When I consider the possibility of abandoning hope or expectations that things will work out, it flies in the face of what I have believed. I’ve always believed God is working everything out for my ultimate good, but what happens when you feel let down over and over until you stop asking for things?
When my situation came up this past week, it looked like God was doing something above and beyond for us, but then it didn’t happen. Do you know what that made me think? I started thinking “here we go again; God must be disappointed in us to dangle this out there and then yank it away.” I was totally disappointed in God and it temporarily undermined my trust in Him. Yep, my so‑called faith took a tumble into the abyss for a little while. But why? Because my perspective was out of whack on two points:
Gratitude does not come easy in the storms of life. When we start jumping to conclusions about what God is or isn’t doing in any given situation, instead of leaving things in His hands and trusting Him to do what is best for us, we often end up disappointed. The majority of our issues, however, come from thinking that the “best” means the most lucrative or easiest. Our definition of “good” and “bad” are based on what we can see with our own eyes, or ideas, but God has the vision and perspective of eternity and knows every aspect of our situations. My uncle used to say, “We don’t really want to trust God to take care of us because what if He doesn’t take care of us like we want to be taken care of?” I think that is more accurate than most of us would like to admit. God doesn’t want us to get so conditioned by life that we lose our passion, joy and peace. He doesn’t want us to ask Him for things and not care what the answer is. He wants us to be content in the outcome of our requests as a result of understanding who He is and how much He loves us, not because we simply stopped expecting anything from Him.
As people of faith, we know that eventually everything works out for our good, but that doesn’t mean we won’t have to deal with tears, discouragement, anger or depression along the way. What matters is how we keep walking in spite of it. It doesn’t mean we won’t have times where we are so tired or discouraged that we curl up into a ball to try and catch our breath; what matters is what we do with that breath when it returns. Will we use it to perpetuate the darkness around or within us, or will we lift our voice like Paul and Silas in prison and praise the One who loves us and has promised to take care of us?
Mother’s Day is once again upon us, and with it comes all sorts of emotions for all kinds of people. Some are celebrating their wonderful moms, while others are mourning the loss of their mother, and still others may be cringing at the memory of a mother who wasn’t there for them. Some women are relishing their own role as a mother, while others are just trying to make it through a day that reminds them only of the void that comes with never having been able to have children of their own, or worse, having lost one to miscarriages or other tragedies. My point is this day can be beautiful and wonderful, or it could bring heartache and pain, and no matter where you or I fall on that spectrum, we all have to walk through this day somehow.
This year, in spite of all of life’s challenges and the complications that can come with this day for so many women (and men), there is something different on my heart and mind. This year, I am thanking God not only for my own godly mother who raised me in deep love and faith, or the children in my life that I’ve had the opportunity to influence in one way or another, but I am also thanking God for the three children my husband and I sponsor through Compassion International. It’s been a number of years now, and although it took a while to become comfortable with our communications back and forth, we have settled into beautiful relationships with three children who live across the world from us. We have watched them grow, and have been blessed to be able to support, encourage and be connected to these kids and their families, and I am unspeakably grateful as I reflect on it today.
When you consider what it truly means to “mother” another human being, you are able to step back and see a broader group of women than you might have before. All the characteristics, traits and actions that make a woman a true mother, are the same ones that make us all mothers to the world around us. I’m not discounting mothers in any way, in fact, I am doing the exact opposite. I am elevating the aspects of mothers that we all celebrate on this day each year. We celebrate the love and care. We celebrate the sacrifices. We celebrate these amazing women who took their jobs seriously and refused to give up even when their children may have disappointed them or caused them pain. These are the things we celebrate, and as people of faith, THIS is how we are supposed to love the world!
So on this Mother’s Day, by all means, honor your mother and the other women in your lives that are worthy of that honor. Thank God for all the women who mothered you throughout the course of your life. Honor them by doing the same for others around you. Don’t reserve your nurturing just for your children, but also for those children without mothers, and for adults who are wounded and hurting. Over and over again, Jesus tells us to love one another. He tells us that everyone is our neighbor (Luke 10:25-37). He tells us to go the extra mile when we don’t have to do so (Matt 5:41). He tells us to love our enemies (Matt 4:43-48). Jesus made it perfectly clear that we are commanded to love! He told us,“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”(John 13:34-35)
Gifts. It’s always a big topic of every holiday season. We might be busy trying to buy things from a “wish list” of someone we know, or maybe we are thinking about what we ourselves might receive for Christmas. But here’s a question: Have you ever received an amazing gift you didn’t even know you wanted or would have ever imagined? Unexpected gifts often bring unexpected blessings, and yet when it comes to circumstances in our lives, we don’t seem to have that reaction.
We want things to be good, prosperous, and somewhat easy, but we certainly don’t want and wouldn’t choose for ourselves things like pain, grief, loss, betrayal or being dismissed. When we endure those things, it’s hard to see them as gifts. Over the past year, I have been given many of those so-called “gifts,” and if I am being honest, I wasn’t too happy about it. I have complained, been discouraged and even distraught at times. I’ve definitely had moments of feeling like God is a grinch and that He just seems to want to take away everything good from us. That being said, I have also learned that sometimes when we lose things or go through difficult times, it really does start to change our perspective. It enables us, if we allow God to work, to see things differently. It allows us to grow, and that is a gift. I would dare say it is one of His greatest gifts to us – presenting us with situations that challenge us and force us to re-examine our lives, faith and service to Him and to others in whatever place we find ourselves. Sometimes He allows things to happen that force us to reach out to others, and in doing so we often find incredible people and incredible perspective. When we open ourselves up to what God is doing rather than trying to explain it, we find love, compassion, care, and genuine concern. We find His word speaking to us through channels we wouldn’t have previously considered, and all of these things we find coming from a source that we don’t expect. When we stand back and truly see the goodness of God and His mercy in allowing difficult circumstances into our lives, we can become thankful for it. It’s truly difficult for us to embrace our challenges, disappointments and discouragements or the people or things that cause them, but they truly are for our good.
We have a good Father who loves us and wants the best for us always. He has an amazing plan for our lives that includes our places of service. He knows what’s coming, and while we are freaking out trying to see ahead, He is standing there patting us on the shoulder whispering, “I am the one who goes before you. I’ll be with you, so don’t be afraid or dismayed. I’ll never leave you or forsake you.” (Deut. 31:8) He knows that no matter what we are going through, that there is a PLAN! Let that sink in for a moment. I’ve been talking about “unexpected gifts” but they are only unexpected to us and not to God! He is not only aware of what is happening, but He is working through all of it to bring us to the most amazing places in this life. Remember, we see the messy threads underneath the tapestry that look jumbled and ugly, but when you flip it over, you see the beautiful image and artwork that God saw (and designed) all along.
So as we approach this season of celebration, I am thankful for unexpected gifts and unexpected paths. I am grateful that God doesn’t just know exactly what we need, but also knows the desires of our hearts that we ourselves haven’t even realized! I am thankful that He continually works in our lives so that we can change our perspective and come into alignment with HIS heart. When we trust that He is good and is always working ALL things for our good, then we begin to desire what He desires. We want what He wants instead of depending on our understanding of what is “good.” Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart.” He can do that because when we delight in HIS will and HIS plans, then it’s easy to give us the desires of our hearts because they are the same as His.
The Cadence of My Soul 