Living in the Center of His Wheel

shutterstock_164791247Many people of faith are familiar with the story of the potter and the clay found in the Bible (Jeremiah chapter 18).  We’ve heard the account of how the potter was working to create something, but the clay became marred.  Instead of thinking the clay was ruined or worthless, or instead of getting frustrated and giving up, the potter simply started over remaking the clay into a useful vessel.   Often this story is used as an example of how God never gives up on us, and that is a good and proper picture, but I was thinking about a more specific aspect of the work of the potter that stands out for me.  Pressure.

If you’ve ever worked with pottery (and I have), you understand that it takes complete and total focus.  You also understand that one of the most frustrating things is when the clay gets off-center and becomes out of balance.  You are going along, trying to create something beautiful, but the moment it is out of balance, everything starts falling apart.  Sometimes it happens so quickly, and you find yourself with nothing but a lump that is unrecognizable.  Or maybe as the wheel spins, you find a rock or some other hard substance that can’t just be worked around, and you have to stop everything to remove it and then start over from the beginning.  Either of these things can be disappointing or downright maddening because you only have two choices: 1) Get mad, give up and throw the clay away, or 2) form the clay back into a lump, put it back on the wheel and start over.

shutterstock_97981301It is interesting to consider the change in the amount of pressure a potter must use in order to make the clay into something recognizable, useful and beautiful.  In the beginning, even if the clay has been placed in the very center of the wheel, it starts to become out of balance when the spinning begins.  The potter uses water to make the clay easier to mold, then wraps his hands around it and puts strong pressure in a confined manner to guide it into balance.  A vessel cannot be created until the clay is balanced and centered, but once that happens, the true artwork begins.  Throughout the process, pressure is continually applied in one way or another or to one degree or another.  It is pressure that creates the beautiful intricacies or restores the balance.  But this one thing is for certain: the potter must keep working until the vessel is complete.  There is no stopping in the middle and coming back to it later.  It must either be completed or abandoned.  And the pressure, whether great or barely noticeable, is continually necessary because even with the most masterful artist, the clay can become out of balance at the slightest touch.  When that happens, he must stop creating and spend a little time applying just the right pressure in just the right way to bring everything back into balance.  The same is so true in our lives.

We all endure pressure in life.  It may come in the form of circumstances beyond our control or as a result of poor decisions we make, but it WILL come.  When we feel the pressure, our human nature causes us to become out of balance.  We worry and fret over what we should do.  We get angry over how we have been mistreated.  We get depressed over our lack of ability to change or fix something.  We spin and spin and eventually realize how out of balance we really are.  If only we would realize that God is the master potter and we really are the clay.  He isn’t some mean ogre who is trying to make things difficult for us or punish us.  He actually said He came so that we could have life abundantly!  This world is full of situations and circumstances that will wear us down if we focus on them, but God has promised over and over that if we will simply seek Him first, He will take care of everything else.  That doesn’t mean our lives will be free of trouble, but it means we have a loving Father who is masterfully, patiently and continually creating something amazing, no matter how many times He has to start over.

shutterstock_130134731Pressure in our lives never feels good.  We try to avoid it any time we can but maybe we just need to change the way we think about it.  When we start feeling pressure in our lives, it isn’t time for us to stiffen up and fight against it.  It’s time for us to relax into the potter’s hands and let Him use that pressure for our good.   The most difficult and challenging times for us may be exactly the pressure we need to restore our balance.  The bad decisions we may have made in our lives don’t render us useless or of no value.  Our circumstances don’t destroy us because the Potter has promised to never abandon us.  (“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”  Hebrews 13:5) He has also promised to finish what He starts!  (“He who began a good work in you is faithful and just to complete it.”  Philippians 1:6).

It is important for us to remember God doesn’t cause problems or imbalance in our lives; He simply applies loving pressure when necessary to RESTORE balance.  He continually has us in His loving hands, purposely working all things out for our ultimate good.  Whatever any of us are going through right now may not feel good.  The pressure may feel unbearable and no matter how we try, we can’t seem to find a way to make things work out. We spend our energy focusing on all that’s wrong or what we don’t have and then wonder why we are fatigued and depressed.  If only we could realize the only job of the clay is to be moldable. If only we were more willing to relax, the pressure wouldn’t seem so unbearable.  If only we would spend more of our time being grateful for the fact we are in our Father’s hands, and realize He is working to make our lives amazing and abundant, we would find it so much easier to breathe.   After all, being in the center of His will really means being in the center of His “wheel.”

And the sooner we soften under the Potter’s touch, the sooner our lives shift from becoming a work of restoration to becoming a work of art.

Blessings!

Are You Recovering or Relapsing?

shutterstock_178294598Recently I was reminded of a statement I heard years ago: “If you’re not recovering, you are relapsing.”  Although this statement often applies to those who have had issues with addiction of some kind, whether drugs, alcohol, food or any other substance, I believe it also applies to many other things we struggle to change in our lives.  It might be relationships with other people.  It might be aspects of your spiritual walk or relationship with God.  Whatever it is, we can all relate to having things we want or need to change.

This summer, I will have been in “recovery” from an eating disorder for 25 years.  I say recovery because for the most part, I have been extremely successful.  That being said, there have also been relapses here and there along the way.  Even recently, it reared its ugly head and manifested itself in an entirely new way I would have never expected.  I was caught completely off guard, though it eventually started becoming clear what triggered the downward progression.  Like most people who don’t want to admit something has gotten the better of them – even if only momentarily – I initially denied, then rationalized my behavior.  “But I’m not doing it the same way most people do,” I said.  “I am in complete control and know full-well what the risks are.  I’m not stupid!”  I kept saying it to others, and to myself, but eventually it reached a point where I could no longer deny it and started making serious steps to get a handle on it once again.

shutterstock_65434666My experience with this made me think about all the other mindsets and ways of thinking we all have about things in our lives.  It might be an actual addiction to a substance or it might be an addiction to a particular behavior or routine.  Sometimes our addictions involve the old tapes playing in our heads that are easier to leave playing than to make an effort to turn them off.  We get used to the familiar even if we know it is bad for us.  We gravitate to old coping mechanisms and techniques even though we know the end result will actually make it more difficult for us to actually cope!

We all have these ways of thinking and if someone tries to tell you they have never been touched by “addiction,” they are lying.  It may not look like what many people think of when they hear that word, but an addiction is defined by Webster’s dictionary as “a strong and harmful need to regularly have something or do something.”   Maybe you overeat or under-eat because you are doing it out of emotion.  Maybe you constantly gravitate to people who do not treat you well because you’ve been convinced you don’t deserve anything better.   We spend money we don’t have or over commit to projects or people because it’s been beaten into our heads that saying “no” somehow makes us bad or selfish.  We go to church because someone told us that God will be mad at us if we don’t.  We wear elaborate masks because we think it’s easier than looking in the mirror and facing the truth.   We turn over a new leaf and make a commitment to ourselves (and even to those around us) that we are going to change but eventually find ourselves right back in the same boat again and again.

shutterstock_147867770We relapse!  Yes…I said “WE” relapse…all of us.  Sometimes we relapse because we are lazy.  Sometimes we relapse because we become too confident in ourselves or our abilities.  Sometimes we relapse simply because we are human.  We are imperfect people in an imperfect world.  That fact does NOT excuse us or our behaviors, but I have learned that it doesn’t do any good to beat ourselves up when we fail.  We have a God who loves us and forgives us completely when we simply ask.  Are there consequences of our behaviors?  Most certainly, but He has even promised to give us the grace and strength to endure the consequences as long as we lean on Him and trust Him to do so.  That is where our recovery begins.

Recovery is not easy…not from any behavior we seem to struggle with.  New habits are hard to form, and we are impatient creatures!  Recovery is sometimes very slow and methodical even though we want things to change right now!  Once we truly realize how warped our thinking or behavior is, we want it to be different but we don’t want to spend the time (and sometimes pain) it takes to get there.  Unfortunately things do not just happen on their own!  It takes effort.  It takes us being continually aware and making conscious choices to do things differently.  It is a life-long “recovery” process!

It’s been said that life is all about how we move forward.  I like to think of that a little differently.  I believe life is all about how we move forward AFTER we have fallen backwards.  If I am continually striving for perfection, I will continually be a failure in my own mind.  If I believe I am a failure when I stumble in life, then I will become fearful of getting back up.  And when I believe it is safer or easier to just stay where I am than to get up and risk falling at some point in the future, then I am choosing to become a slave to “relapse.”  I am choosing to give control of my future to the very things or people that want nothing more than to steal that future from me.  On the other hand, if I believe life is all about an ebb and flow, falling and soaring, then I know it is possible that success may lie in the very next step that I take forward.  That is what drives me on toward the next breath sometimes when I am struggling under the weight of my all-too-familiar weaknesses or faulty thinking.  Recovery is a choice.  It is believing that falling does not make me a failure and stumbling doesn’t mean I will never succeed in changing the things I want to change.  It isn’t about sitting on the shore to avoid being knocked down by the waves; it is about learning to recognize the tide so that when we lose our footing and fall down, we are not pulled into the depths of the sea.

shutterstock_155808656Relapse or recovery?  Whichever you find yourself in today, or at this time in your life, take heart in knowing you are not alone.  We are all moving one direction or the other when it comes to our “addictions.”  No matter how big or small the change you are trying to make may be, just remember this:  If you are not moving away from those negative things or behavior, then you are moving toward them.  The beautiful reality of it all is that every breath is a new beginning and every heartbeat is a chance to start again.  That is what life is all about.

Blessings!

When Helping Hurts

Helping Hands“Helping”…it seems like such a noble word, such a noble act. We are taught to help others. We are taught to be helpful to those around us. We are told that helping someone else may sometimes mean we have to sacrifice some things in our own life or situation but that it is good for us to do so. If we don’t help, then we are told we are “selfish.” If we don’t help, then we must have a cold heart. Even the Bible reminds us:

  • “And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.” Hebrews 13:16
  • “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Galatians 6:2
  • “If anyone, then, knows the good they ought to do and doesn’t do it, it is sin for them.” James 4:17

So helping IS a noble thing to do. When we find ourselves in situations where we can offer help to another, we should take that opportunity to do so. Sometimes that is an easier thing than others. When our help requires us to do something, it is easy to act. If it costs us something, we may give it more consideration before we do it. If we must sacrifice in order to help, it takes it to yet another level. But what about when helping requires us to NOT do something but instead to be still and let a situation unfold? That is a different matter all together.

Recently I was reminded of a situation many years ago when someone I knew had put herself in what I thought was a dangerous situation – physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. She was not making wise decisions and I did everything I could in order to get her to hear me, but nothing worked. I was terrified for her and tried to help but eventually I began to realize my hands were tied. She was a grown woman and there was nothing I could say or do that was going to change her mind. The only things left to do would have done more harm than good so I was forced to stand by and watch…helplessly. I prayed constantly for her. I loved her without condition and vowed to be there to pick up the pieces; I just hoped there would be pieces to pick up. For someone who always wants to help, it was excruciating at times to have to stand back and watch.

lost and alone

Sometimes the most helpful thing we can do is to be still and let things happen. That goes against the grain for many of us because those old tapes play loudly in our head and tell us if we do not “help,” it means we are selfish and don’t care. When someone you love is in a situation that is detrimental to them or they are making choices that are taking them down a path that will bring them nothing but pain, it is natural to want to alter their course! If you love them, it is natural for you to do everything in your power to get them to change direction or make a better decision. It is natural to exhaust your resources to make things different. It is NOT natural to step back and allow something to run its course. To do so means accepting the risk and possibility that something terrible may happen. It means living with the fear that a person may end up with very severe and painful consequences. In my situation, I truly feared I might get a phone call telling me someone I loved was dead. Thankfully that did not happen, but if it had, I would have had a difficult time not feeling guilty for the rest of my life for not doing more…even though there was nothing more to do.

Help doesn’t always look or feel like we think it should. Helping is sometimes painful. Helping sometimes means we have to be still and not act. It hurts to watch someone we love go through difficulties or endure pain but when we overstep in trying to help, we often trample on what our Father is trying to work in their lives…and in ours. We cannot see the complete picture that God is painting. We look at a small portion that seems dark and ominous and try to wipe it away when it is actually the backdrop for displaying the light! Without darkness and shadows there would be no depth and beauty to the picture.

colorful skyGod can do amazing things with the broken pieces of a life touched by poor decisions and even dangerous circumstances. Sometimes the best way we can “help” is to get out of the way and let HIM do the work. When the time is right, He will open the door for you to step back in and be helpful in a more active way, or He will close that door for your involvement completely. Until then, strengthen your spirit. Get on your knees and pray. Rest…and trust that sometimes the best place to be in is the one in which you cannot “help.”

Blessings!