When the Words Won’t Come

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I sat down several times to write a post over the past week and the words just wouldn’t come.  I thought I would have time to reflect and share things with you over the weekend but that still didn’t bring the words I sought.

lightning sky2Sometimes we have those days or weeks (or even longer) when we want so badly to express ourselves but cannot find the words to do so.  We are faced with so many different situations and emotions that our spirit seems to swirl like a massive cyclone in which we can only catch glimpses of things as they fly past.  I have longed for the eye of the storm over the past few days but instead found the cyclone swirling even faster.  It certainly makes it difficult to find words when you can’t even find footing.

It is hard to explain the sensation of feeling alone in the midst of people or trying to let go of the pains we don’t understand.  It actually hurts to not be able to find the words to express the depth of our emotions…but what hurts more is to actually have the words and not be able to say them out loud.  I think that is one of the greatest pains of all.  Those situations bring a unique kind of pain…a hurt on top of hurt…a loneliness wrapped in isolation.

 

shutterstock_150535259It is not wise to say everything you think, believe or observe, but to feel censored because of the fear of confrontation or being belittled can be challenging.  Bullies don’t always use something tangible to attack others, but the injuries are just as deep.  Whether real or perceived, these things cause us to “clam up” and curl up into the corners of our soul where words are hard to find.  I have found it impossible to try and force words to the surface when the surface is not within reach, and I have found it too painful to reach down into the depths and grab them.

Personally, I struggle to understand why some people think or do the things they think or do.  I struggle to understand why some people seem to thrive on controversy, contention or confrontation.  I struggle to understand why it hurts so much to not understand.  I struggle just like the rest of you with these things and maybe there is comfort in that fact.  Maybe it is our collective struggle to live in peace that binds some of us together.  And maybe…just maybe that makes a difference.

Since hurt is made bearable by the salve of love, I pray we all feel that love in a way that binds our wounds and helps us heal…

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Blessings!

Over-salted and Blinded by Light!

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I recently happened across some words from a person involved in spiritual ministry that bothered me to the point that I could not sleep.  Quite frankly, it sickened me.  This person had gotten fed up with what some would refer to as “sheeple” (those who refuse to think or study for themselves) and felt the need to point out their stupidity.  I’m not saying the emotion behind the comments was invalid, as there were some really ignorant comments and questions made by some folks.  What I am saying is that as “Christians” (and especially leaders in worship and ministry) we need to be careful of the manner in which we interact with others in these situations.  The way in which we approach a perceived lack of understanding in someone else is so very crucial to not becoming a hindrance that is contrary to the very thing we say they believe.

shutterstock_119205439Let me ask you a couple of questions: 1) is it possible to have too much salt in something and  2) is it possible to have a light that is too bright?  The obvious answer to both of those questions is a resounding “Yes!”  Jesus tells us that we are the “salt of the earth” and the “light of the world.”  Salt and light are both very valuable things but if there is too much of either one, it can actually be harmful.  Having too much salt in a dish will ruin it as quickly as not having any at all.  As a matter of fact, having NO salt is actually fixable.  Have too much salt requires destruction of the dish and starting over.  You can always add salt but you cannot remove it.  Then there is the issue of light.  If we are surrounded by darkness, light can be a valuable tool.  If the power goes out in our homes, we immediately start looking for flashlights, candles, lanterns or any other method through which we can illuminate the dark.  Light reveals where darkness hides.  It is wonderful and necessary but if it is too bright, it can actually cause harm.  The sun is necessary for life, but if you stare at it with the naked eye, it can cause irreversible damage and cause.   The same can occur with the arc of a welder’s torch or other various sources of light.  Light can cause blindness if it is used inappropriately.  So what’s my point?

People of faith today, especially those in leadership positions, seem to be developing a cloaked pride that eats away at the very fabric of what they profess to believe or have been called to do.  What I mean by “cloaked pride” is they are condescending, judgmental and even downright rude with others in an attempt to “correct their mistaken point of view” or “share the truth of God’s word with them.”  When these “spiritual” people are confronted on this attitude, the response is often some rationalization about Jesus being bold and “calling a spade a spade.”  Believe me, I get it…and Jesus WAS bold!  But do not confuse boldness with pride.

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  Jesus was the only perfect man to ever live.  Everything He did was done from a heart of love.  That doesn’t mean He did not address “stupidity” head‑on, but it means every time He addressed anything at all, He had the absolute best interests of that person or group in mind.  His motives were completely pure and never self-serving.  Good grief, look how many times He would say things to His own disciples and they wouldn’t “get it” and He would have to keep going at it from different angles until they finally understood what He was trying to say.  He never once referred to them as “stupid” or tried to make them feel like He was better than them…not in public or in private.  He also never talked down about them to others.  Instead, He simply kept doing exactly what He was called to do and did it with patience and long-suffering because He loved them.  Unfortunately in today’s world, we have “leaders” who act like they are simply being bold in Christ and “setting the Pharisees of today straight” when THEY, in fact, have become the Pharisees of today.  Yet, they continue to cloak their behavior by saying it is “righteous indignation” or they are standing strong on the truth of God’s word!  There are better ways to stand strong on the truth of God’s word.

Jesus was not bound by His humanity and there was no risk of Him becoming arrogant or prideful, no matter how many people followed Him.  This cannot be said about anyone who is not perfect, and therefore applies to every single human being.  As humans, there is ALWAYS the risk of becoming arrogant or prideful.  The more people follow us or listen to us, the more power we begin to feel we have.  The more they flatter us, the more wonderful we start to think we are.  WE start to take credit for things instead of giving God the glory…even if we don’t say it out loud.  And when we have power, knowledge and influence, it is easy to start doing things that are in accordance with OUR will or protect OUR interests instead of remaining submissive to the will of our Father.  Let me be clear about this:  I do not believe most people start out with ulterior motives, but it is a natural progression to end up operating from a place of pride, arrogance and condemnation when we do not continually and truly humble ourselves before our God and remember that no matter what position we hold in a church or in life, we are ALL sinners saved by grace.  Every ability or shred of intelligence we have comes from our Father and without Him, we aren’t even smart enough to get out of bed in the morning!

shutterstock_104022092So back to my illustration of too much salt or too much light.  When it comes to people of faith being salt and light, the most important thing to remember is that we are the actual salt and light, not the One who MEASURES the salt and light!  We are the instruments and God is the one who is in control.  He knows the exact amount of salt to use or how bright to make the light.  It is up to us to get out of His way and let Him work!  We are not skilled enough to know how much is enough so it’s our job to be the light and allow God to choose the wattage.  It is up to us to be the salt but let the master chef choose the amount.  If we don’t, then we will end up harming the very people we say we are trying to help.  When we force our measurements of salt and light upon others, we end up with people who are “over-salted and blinded by light.”   When that happens, we do so much damage to our influence that only God can repair it.    

It is time to hold up a mirror in front of our faces and see things as they are.  Quit trying to disguise pride by calling it boldness.  Quit trying to say that your condescension and judgment is holiness…because it isn’t.  Stop making it your personal quest to correct the “wrongs” around you.  IT IS NOT OUR JOB!   It is not our job to condemn or look down on anyone!  It is our job to simply learn God’s word, be obedient to His will and then live (not talk) our beliefs in such a way that reflects the nature of the One who created us and leave the judgment up to Him.

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We are to love others, and if we act as Jesus truly acted and with His perfectly pure motives, then we will be sure to check ourselves before we speak or act so that we can ensure those words or actions are in accordance with God’s will AND come from a heart of true love and compassion for those around us.  John 13:34-35 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for another.”  And before we say we love anyone, we need to read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 again and find out what love really looks like.  We might just be surprised.

Blessings!

I Am Not Presentable

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shutterstock_57395806Image can be a powerful thing.  We would like to say that we don’t judge people by their appearances but the truth is that our society has a way of doing so anyway.  It says a lot about us when we duck and hide from people we might actually want to see just because we think we don’t look presentable.  And how do we even define what “presentable” means anyway?

Yesterday I went against what I believe in my heart and it bothered me enough that I felt compelled to share it with all of you.  I was out with my husband and since it was the weekend, I didn’t think twice about going out in my old shorts, t-shirt and baseball cap.  I didn’t take time to do my makeup because I was spending the day relaxing and taking care of some things around the house.  I know I’m not the only one who does this but we all know there is that proverbial risk of being out and running into someone you know.  As my husband and I were leaving the parking lot of where we had just eaten lunch, I saw an old friend of mine walking into one of the other restaurants in the same complex.  We have wanted to see each other in person for quite some time but we just haven’t really had the opportunity to do so.  It would have taken nothing more than stopping the car to be able to see her for a few moments.  I told my husband who she was and he said, “Let’s stop!”  I panicked and told him no, to keep driving.  I knew she hadn’t seen me so I was still in the “safe” zone.  When he started to stop anyway I told him I had far too much to do and didn’t have time to talk so we just needed to go home.  The truth is I was too embarrassed with the way I looked to stop and say hello.  As a result, I missed a great opportunity to connect with someone I care about very much.

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I am a huge proponent of being who you are and embracing the people in your life.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you are wearing; what matters is how you clothe your spirit.  I believe these things with all my heart and here I was going against those very beliefs.  I must admit, I was shocked at myself.  What is it that would cause me to so quickly and strongly avoid making a connection for which I had been longing?  It was fear, embarrassment and a feeling of not measuring up.  shutterstock_137315255You see, this friend of mine is beautiful.  I mean really beautiful.  When we were in high school, she was pretty, funny and popular.  She was always friendly to others, even those who may not have been as popular as she.  I always liked her and considered her a friend but we were never close.  It wasn’t until much later in life that we found a beautiful connection of our hearts which has become a great treasure for me.  My friend would have been thrilled to see me yesterday, even in my “grubby” clothes and no makeup but I instinctively recoiled at the thought because she is even more beautiful today than she was all those years ago…and not just physically.  She has a beautiful spirit and I have been blessed to know her and yet I reacted before I could stop myself.  So what happened?!

Society tries to engrain in us an image of what beauty is and if we fail to attain it, then it means we are somehow less worthwhile.  Even though most of us would agree that image is warped, we still have moments where it pops up and causes us to react before we think. Even those of us who are usually strong, confident and know our worth is not in our appearances sometimes fall prey to the images that society tries to dictate to us.  We see someone who we think is more attractive than we are and – without even thinking – we start reacting as if we are in different classes of people.  We think someone is more beautiful so we avoid being near them when we don’t look our best.  We think someone is smarter so we avoid talking with them.  We think someone is more athletic so we refuse to play sports we love because we don’t want to look stupid.  We don’t dance because we think we have two left feet.  We don’t sing because we don’t want to be made fun of.  We develop a life that is fragmented and stressful because we spend all our time measuring ourselves by those around us instead of embracing OUR beauty and our gifts.  We spend our lives looking at the gifts of others and wondering why we weren’t blessed with them instead of looking at the ones we have been given and finding value in what we have to offer.

d river islandWe all have unique abilities, gifts and physical traits.  We are all beautiful in our own ways and the sooner we embrace that truth, the more amazing our lives will become.  We are all so hard on ourselves and we need to start focusing on the fact that we all feel “unpresentable” in one way or another.  We are all imperfect but what a shame it is when we allow our imperfections to keep us from connecting to those we love.  If we are willing to be seen as we are, even when we are not at our best, we begin to free others to let down their guard as well.  And when that happens, we may be surprised to find out that they are just as fearful to be seen without “makeup” as we are.

So today I apologize.  I apologize to myself for letting the madness of this world override the sanity of my spirit and for missing a wonderful opportunity to see the true beauty in life.  And I forgive myself for it all and choose to embrace the beautiful lesson I have learned.

Blessings!

Live In The Moment

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shutterstock_119676250Life is about moments.  It is about breaths and heartbeats, not days or years.  We hear all the time about how important it is to live life in the moment and, although it’s true, I fear we have become so accustomed to listening to it that we don’t actually HEAR it at all anymore.  We go on about our daily lives, making plans and worrying about what needs to be done next instead of appreciating the moment we are in and the ones with whom we share it.

I have encountered a lot of losses in my life.  I have lost many friends and family members over the years and each one has its own set of grief associated with it.  Even the counselor I have seen over the years has said I’ve experienced more loss than most people.  I suppose she is right but I told her recently the reason I have experienced such great losses in my life is because I believe in connecting deeply to those around me.  When you open your heart up and truly love and connect to others in this life, your world is filled with such amazing joy and great love.  Of course the other side of that equation is your world is also filled with great loss.  It is a difficult thing to balance in your heart sometimes. 

When I was young, I thought I’d never live to be 30.  I was obviously wrong since that age has long since come and gone but I have always been very aware that life is short and none of us are guaranteed our next breath.  This breath is all we have.  NOW is all we have and if we choose to not live in the moment, then we are choosing not to live at all.  Life is scary sometimes.  shutterstock_133009796The thought of what might be just around the corner can be paralyzing to us and cause us to spend all our time and energy planning for all the “what ifs” we can imagine.  Somehow we believe that if we plan well enough and are disciplined enough to stick to those plans, then we will lessen the chance of something terrible coming into our world.  Planning is not wrong but when we allow our plans to imprison us or even distract us from what is happening around us right now, then it only brings us more stress in life.  Difficult things WILL come into our lives no matter how well we plan and, if we aren’t careful, we begin to somehow blame ourselves for not planning better.  It is a warped perspective but it happens more often than it should.  

Nothing will clarify your perspective more than serious illness – yours or that of someone you love.  I helped take care of my best friend for many years as we fought cancer together and it caused us to take great advantage of every moment we shared whether her cancer was raging out of control or in remission.  It caused us to not worry so much about what tomorrow would bring because focusing on tomorrow steals today from us.  One day we wake up and find that our life has become a constant struggle…a struggle with health or finances, a struggle with our jobs, a struggle with family or friends.  We spend our time trying to resolve the struggles instead of embracing the fact that getting up every morning is a gift!  Annette eventually lost her battle with cancer but we won so much along the way.  We won the “moments.”

shutterstock_126144137I thought I would never in my life have to again face such a serious fight with cancer in someone I was that close to but sometimes life doesn’t turn out as we think it should.  A year ago today, one of the people I am closest to was admitted to the hospital for what seemed to be a bad stomach flu.  Within 3 days, she was diagnosed with cancer and was in surgery that turned out to be extremely extensive with a number of complications.  She underwent radiation and chemotherapy and we had hoped that by the today’s anniversary we would be celebrating full remission.  Instead, things shifted and she is beginning another series of treatments that is even more aggressive, with potential side effects that are also more aggressive and toxic, to try and get it all under control.  I would love to say I have learned to trust God and live in the moment so well that I choose to celebrate that she is still with us…but I would be lying.  I get terrified sometimes just like everyone else.  The thought of eventually losing someone so close to me to the same disease all over again terrifies me because that pain is all to real in my heart even after all these years.  It is too overwhelming to my spirit.  Then I am reminded that to look ahead down ANY road in life serves only to distract us from the beauty of today.  Doing so weakens us.  It weakens our faith and sometimes even our resolve.  

Life is uncertain.  We all know it is true but it is exactly that truth that scares us to death.  We don’t want to feel pain or loss.  We don’t want our loved ones to feel pain or loss either.  As a result, we endure a much greater loss than necessary as we let this moment slip away without acknowledging the beauty it contains.  We need to stop looking ahead.  We need to stop avoiding connections in life.  We need to stop being afraid to let down our guard and be who we are on the inside.  We need to love with all our hearts and forgive just as deeply.  We need to fulfill our true calling NOW and stop waiting for a “better time” to do so.  There is no better time.  As a matter of fact, there may be no time left at all. 

shutterstock_96294860So live in this moment…in this breath and this heartbeat.  Fill it with joy and love and the most beautiful connections.  And if you are blessed to have another moment, fill it with the same.  It is the only way to truly be free. 

Blessings!

Are You a Reflection or a Shadow?

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shutterstock_109021280The moon amazes me.  There is an ever changing pattern to its glow and what we are able to see of it.  It may be bright and beautiful, lighting up the darkest night sky or it may not be visible at all to the naked eye.  It may be just a sliver of light, but that doesn’t mean the potential for the bright and beautiful has ceased to exist.  It’s an interesting fact that the moon rotates on its axis only once as it orbits the earth which means we are always looking at the same side of the moon and have been since the beginning of time.  The moonlight we see is simply a reflection of the sun but the amount of light we see depends on the position of the moon in relationship to the sun.  When the sun’s light is on the far side of the moon, then what we see of the moon is hidden in the shadow of itself.  When we see a full moon, it’s because the moon is facing both us AND the sun at the same time. As a result, we see the sun’s light reflected completely.  Every other stage of the moon we see is a variation of the relationship of the moon to the sun.

As I thought about this recently, it struck me how closely the moon resembles our lives as children of God.  Just as the sun is the source of constant light and life for us physically, so is God the source of light and life for us spiritually.  We are constantly in the path of His light, and He is always working in our lives.  As His children, we are to be reflections of His light, but what others see of us is altered by our position in relationship to Him.  At times we do not reflect any light at all to those around us because we are casting a shadow of ourselves so wide that others are firmly hidden within it.  We begin to think our accomplishments are due to our abilities or intelligence instead of recognizing they are gifts from our heavenly Father.  We may even start to think we are important and that WE are the source of the light that others see.  Make no mistake, God is still working in our lives during these times of self-absorption, and there is a side to us that His light is still touching.  We have simply positioned ourselves in such a way that it is impossible for us to be a reflection of that light. 

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Like the moon, there are also times in our lives when we become a full reflection of God’s love and light.  We become a full moon of His grace and mercy.  How does this occur?  It happens just like it does with our literal moon. It happens when we are facing both the world AND Him at the same time.  You see, it is impossible to cast a reflection of something unless the mirror is directed toward the light and the viewer at the same time.  Any other position causes a degree of shadow to anyone watching.  Any time an object gets in the way of the light, it diminishes the light that is seen.  We have all experienced amazing moments of faith in our walk with the Lord.  We rise to mountaintops and are fully focused on God and His will in our lives.  We have clarity because our vision is not distracted by everything going on around us.  We are humbled by who He is and who WE are because we understand fully what He has done for us and how much we do not deserve it.  We shed all the legalism and judgment of religion, and put on the light of God’s love and forgiveness.  Our focus is no longer on trying to persuade people or use powerful words and arguments to convince them, but on simply learning and living God’s word in our daily lives.  That’s when we become “full” and when that happens, we don’t have to draw anyone to God’s light.  They can see it for themselves, because we have gotten out of the way and become an instrument of reflection. 

shutterstock_92706310Just as the moon pulls the ocean tides, we have influence in the world around us.  The gravitational pull of the moon actually causes the water in the oceans to bulge out from the earth’s surface toward the moon.  The oceans on the opposite side of the earth are not pulled as strongly so they settle back closer to the earth.  The changing of the tides is a result of the constant tug-of-war that exists between the two.  Our influence is much the same way.  When we are in a position that allows God’s light to be seen, the world around us can be pulled toward that light.  Our influence may not be as strong with people who live in other areas, but rest assured God has people in those areas that are shining and changing the tides when the time is right.  We absolutely have an influence on those around us. The only question is what kind of influence do we have, and how strong is it?   The tides are not pulled as strongly when the moon is only a sliver of light.  It still pulls at the sea, but not in the same way. 

shutterstock_110043062It is a fact that the strength of our faith waxes and wanes over the course of our lives.  It does so because we are fallible human beings even though our spirits are divine. As long as we live in these earthly vessels, we are going to go through cycles of faith much like the moon.  It is important to understand that even when we are in a darker phase of life or may have drifted a little off the path on which we are called, God is still there.  He never stops shining His light on us.  Sometimes that light is reflected to others, but sometimes it serves to reveal to us how much we have gotten in the way of that reflection.  When that occurs, it is a deeply personal and sometimes painful process existing only between us and the “sun,” or in this case, the Son.

We spend most of our lives neither in a place of full reflection or none at all.  We exist mostly in the other phases, reflecting differing amounts of light.  We try to live as we should, but our humanity so often gets in the way of shining as brightly as we otherwise might.  We live under the weight of our circumstances instead of trusting in the One who not only knows everything, but has the power to change everything!  We let our fears overtake us or we allow our selfish nature to take over and start looking out for our own interests above all else.  The darkness grows and the light diminishes, but then we are reminded of the truth and we take on more light.  In the moments of fullness we pull strongly at the sea of people around us only to watch them drift back as we allow the cares of life to dim the light they see. 

shutterstock_142801936We have a choice every day of our lives.  We choose whether or not to love and forgive.  We choose to judge or show grace and mercy.  We choose whether or not we will use the light to cast a shadow or to reflect it to the world.  The light is constant, never changing just as it is with truth.  It will never change.  The only difference in what others see rests solely in the proximity of us to the light. 

So the question remains: “Are you a reflection or a shadow?” 

Blessings!