I sat down several times to write a post over the past week and the words just wouldn’t come. I thought I would have time to reflect and share things with you over the weekend but that still didn’t bring the words I sought.
Sometimes we have those days or weeks (or even longer) when we want so badly to express ourselves but cannot find the words to do so. We are faced with so many different situations and emotions that our spirit seems to swirl like a massive cyclone in which we can only catch glimpses of things as they fly past. I have longed for the eye of the storm over the past few days but instead found the cyclone swirling even faster. It certainly makes it difficult to find words when you can’t even find footing.
It is hard to explain the sensation of feeling alone in the midst of people or trying to let go of the pains we don’t understand. It actually hurts to not be able to find the words to express the depth of our emotions…but what hurts more is to actually have the words and not be able to say them out loud. I think that is one of the greatest pains of all. Those situations bring a unique kind of pain…a hurt on top of hurt…a loneliness wrapped in isolation.
It is not wise to say everything you think, believe or observe, but to feel censored because of the fear of confrontation or being belittled can be challenging. Bullies don’t always use something tangible to attack others, but the injuries are just as deep. Whether real or perceived, these things cause us to “clam up” and curl up into the corners of our soul where words are hard to find. I have found it impossible to try and force words to the surface when the surface is not within reach, and I have found it too painful to reach down into the depths and grab them.
Personally, I struggle to understand why some people think or do the things they think or do. I struggle to understand why some people seem to thrive on controversy, contention or confrontation. I struggle to understand why it hurts so much to not understand. I struggle just like the rest of you with these things and maybe there is comfort in that fact. Maybe it is our collective struggle to live in peace that binds some of us together. And maybe…just maybe that makes a difference.
Since hurt is made bearable by the salve of love, I pray we all feel that love in a way that binds our wounds and helps us heal…