Murmuring, grumbling, complaining. We are all guilty of it, and we really don’t stop to think about what it costs us. Not only does it turn us into people that others don’t want to be around, it can actually change the course of our journeys. We say it’s just harmless venting, and yes, there are times that we need to vent a little bit, but spending our time complaining or murmuring about our situations, or about other people in our lives, is something we should not be doing. Period.
When God delivered Israel out of their bondage in Egypt, He intended for them to inhabit the Promised Land. The journey from where they were to where they were going was an 11-day journey (Deuteronomy 1:2), and yet it took them FORTY years to make it (Numbers chpt. 14). They wandered around in the desert for 40 years because they did nothing but murmur and complain at almost every turn. In Numbers chapter 14, God even said, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in Me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them? How long will this wicked community grumble against me?” God goes on to say He was going to destroy them, but Moses interceded and asked Him to spare them. God agreed to spare them, but then said not one of those who murmured and complained against Him would see the Promised Land. The consequences these people experienced as a result of their complaining cost them far more than they would have ever expected, and an 11-day journey became one of 40 years. God still took care of them during their 40 years of wandering, but it could have all been over much sooner, if only for a change of perspective.
How many times have you or I extended the amount of time we had to spend in certain circumstances just because we refused to stop complaining, gossiping, or getting caught up in the opinions of those around us? Sometimes we can be swayed by group complaining. After all, negativity is far more contagious than anything positive. We get into situations where we feel justified in talking bad about someone, because we feel they deserve it. People who have mistreated us, or even made poor personal decisions that affect us, are easy targets of our complaining, but we better be careful. The more we complain, the more we “wander” until we change our perspective. Israel eventually stopped complaining and trusted God, but it was at such great expense. A generation of people (and complainers) died in the wilderness and never actually got to enter the Promised Land. They missed out on the most amazing blessings and stayed stuck in a difficult and discouraging situation, because they chose to complain about everything instead of being grateful and trusting God to work things out. Again, I ask how many times do we extend our own challenges because we do the same thing?
God tells us over and over to be grateful, but He also tells us to stop complaining! Philippians 2:14 says to do all things without grumbling or arguing. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” There are many other verses that tell us to speak words that lift up and encourage, not tear down and destroy, and even with all of this knowledge of what God expects from us, we just don’t seem to be able to stop the grumbling. We can’t seem to let go of criticizing others around us for not responding to things like we think they should. We walk around thinking our way is the best way, and eventually it diminishes our ability to actually listen to the people around us. You’ve probably heard the saying, “God gave you two ears and only one mouth, because you should listen twice as much as you speak.” We are losing the ability to listen for the purpose of truly hearing, and it is harming us and our society.
When we listen to others, we are able to discern far better the reason for their reactions and even emotions at times. We learn each other and can read between the lines to the deeper meaning (or problem) behind the words someone is speaking. But listening this way requires humility. You cannot truly listen to someone else while being full of yourself. Being so convinced we are right takes up all the space inside us that is needed for seeing things from another point of view, one that may actually be better than our own. We have to humble ourselves in order to listen, and we need to listen as though we are trying to learn something. When we have an interest in something, we listen to information and instruction about it completely differently. We WANT to know all we can about the subject. The same is, or should be, true about listening to others. We should love each other in such a way that we want to know all we can about each other – not for the purpose of judging, but for understanding how to help and encourage each other more effectively. Based on the way we listen, it’s obvious we aren’t nearly as interested in each other as we claim to be. I recently came across a verse that has become a prayer for me, even though Isaiah 50:4 is actually a statement of something God has already done. Two of the phrases struck me and have become this prayer: “Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught.” I want to love and care for others in a way that causes me to humble my spirit and speak words of encouragement. I want to set aside my expectations of who or what they should be and listen as they teach me who they are, because that kind of perspective can change the world one person at a time.
We all have situations in life that are extremely difficult at times. We deal with all kinds of problems and challenges, some that are gut-wrenching or heartbreaking, and it’s easy to see why we might fall into a perpetual state of complaining. When we are hit with trouble from every side, it’s hard to keep pressing forward or even to hold to our faith while standing still. Romans 4:8-9 reminds us, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” That sounds encouraging, but the truth is, in the heat of our troubles, we don’t believe those words are true. Not only that, it feels good to complain! It really is true that misery loves company. We’ve elevated complaining to an art in our society. We’ve become a people who actually tries to “one-up” each other in the difficulty of our circumstances. It’s like we wear our troubles as a badge of honor! We’ve all known people who seem to only have words of negativity about themselves or others around them. They are the ones always looking to gossip or share negative things about someone else, often in an attempt to make themselves look better or seem more important. We’ve known people who complain or grumble in order to look more like a martyr for doing something. We’ve known people who also live like Eeyore with a “poor, pitiful me” mentality. As people of faith, when are we going to wake up?! When are we going to admit that our complaining comes not just from a place of feeling slighted by others, but by believing we have been slighted by God (though we probably wouldn’t admit that out loud)?
So how then do we set aside our tendency to grumble and complain? We do it by changing our focus. I realize that is easier said than done, but some of the best advice on what we should be doing is found in God’s word. Philippians 4:8 tells us exactly what we should be thinking about. “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” This isn’t just advice for people of faith, but for all mankind. How do we stop complaining? By dwelling on THESE things! I’m not saying it is easy to do, but we absolutely have the power to focus on whatever we choose. We need to surround ourselves with friends and family who can listen to us vent for a bit, but then gently help us shift our focus. Thinking on the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8 doesn’t mean we won’t feel the emotions that sometimes overwhelm us. We will still get frustrated, sad or even angry, but we don’t have to continue ruminating on the difficulties we face day in and day out. My great-grandma liked to say, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let it build a nest.” We can’t keep thoughts from popping into our head at times, but it doesn’t mean we have to let them take up residence! And by the way, we also don’t need to let everything that pops into our heads pop out of our mouths!
This world is in need of joy; WE are in need of joy. That means we also need each other! We need to focus on loving each other and helping each other, rather than “wallerin’ around in our troubles” (and yes, I just used the word “wallerin’”). When we complain, we end up cutting off support we would otherwise have, because people don’t usually want to be around a complainer. More importantly, it grieves God to hear us continually complaining about our lives. He loves us and has promised He is working everything out for our good. He just wants us to trust Him because He sees a much bigger picture than what you or I can see. So often, we are just like the Israelites wandering in the desert, complaining about where or how God is leading us. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to risk wandering around in my own personal wilderness for 40 years, when I could have walked through it in 11 days by trusting God, focusing on the good, and simply biting my tongue. Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught!
Blessings!
My Uncle Dewayne (or Uncle Wayne as I called him) was the most amazing man of faith and incredible teacher of God’s word. He gave up a very successful and lucrative career in construction to answer the call to full-time ministry. He earned a double Bachelor’s Degree in Theology and Bible Languages, as well as Master of Bible Languages and Doctor of Bible Languages. He was not only masterful in his study of God’s word and everything associated with it, but also in relating it to others in the most easy to understand ways. He was an incredible Pastor and Uncle, but he was an even more amazing example of what it means to live by faith. Uncle Wayne lived with the effects of Multiple Sclerosis for many years. He had continual health issues, eventually ended up in a wheelchair and often needed assistance physically. By all rights, he should have been sad, depressed, and maybe even angry at God for allowing him to suffer physically after he had dedicated his entire life to His service. Many people would have thought, “If this is what serving God and living by faith means, then I don’t want any part of it.” But not Dewayne. Nope, my Uncle Wayne always had a smile on his face and encouragement for everyone else. You could always hear him laughing from the depths of his soul or whistling as he wheeled around the church. At his Celebration of Life service, it was one of the most talked about aspects of his life aside from his faith, and yet it was his faith that allowed him to be so joyful and hopeful. How in the world was he able to keep that attitude no matter what stresses came into his life (physical or otherwise)? Well, for lack of a better statement, “He sorrowed not as those who have no hope.”
Hope is not easy to come by in a hopeless world. Recently our Pastor brought a message on hope, and it reminded me of what Dewayne always taught: The word “hope” used in the verse “…sorrow not as those who have no hope,” isn’t the kind of hope this world has conditioned us to consider. This is not just wishing for something. We talk about hoping we get that promotion or raise. We talk about hoping something goes well. We hope our team wins the game. We hope the weather is good. We hope, we hope and we hope, but what we are really saying is we “wish.” This verse, however, uses a word that does not infer wishing, but conveys the certainty of a positive outcome. I’m not going to go into all the certainties of the resurrection or the certainty of our salvation as believers. Instead, I want to talk about this idea of being certain of the positive outcome of a situation. Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for our ultimate good and His glory, but when you are trudging through difficulties it’s hard to feel that way.
I’m going to be a raw here for a moment. I miss my Uncle Wayne more than I could possibly put into words. At times it is an isolating sensation, even though I know others miss him too. The sorrow over the loss of his physical presence is even more difficult than I imagined it would be. I miss everything about having him here to see and talk with, whether it was laughing about old times, sharing music, discussing God’s word, or even just saying nothing while enjoying his company. My heart breaks every time I realize I won’t have one more hug, smile, laugh or conversation with him. It is a loss so profoundly difficult to process, but then in those moments it’s almost as if I hear his whistling drifting down from Heaven. I am reminded of what he endured in this life and how he kept his faith no matter what he had to face. I remember things he taught, but more importantly I remember what it looked like watching him actually live those very things through faith. He wasn’t perfect, but I’ve never known anyone who was a more perfect parable of what it is like to be a sinner saved by the grace of God, living victoriously through trust and faith in Him. I told someone recently that we have the perfect, sinless example of Jesus Christ on how we should live our day-to-day lives, but I was blessed beyond measure to have the most perfect example of what it looks like for an
I started this post saying I have never had a loss that affected me so profoundly. It is because the way he actually LIVED affected me so profoundly. It is a multi-faceted kaleidoscope of memories and lessons that is too massive for me to be able to wrap my head around. My last visit with him was filled with more than what I could have ever imagined. His ability to keep his faith, trust and joy was so strong that it filled the room in which he was staying. It really was no different than how it filled every other room he had been in over the course of his life. He was different. He had HOPE! He knew it didn’t matter what he faced, even when he had every right to be angry or bitter, because in the end he knew he was going to overcome. He never sorrowed in this life as those who have no hope. He had hope even when MS began to make it difficult to do certain things. He had hope when he became confined to a wheelchair. He had hope when his health faltered or when he had to deal with other challenges associated with life or ministry. He didn’t just have hope, he LIVED hope! And so can we!
Have you ever walked through tough times in your life and come out on the other side, only to be plunged back into difficulties? It’s one of the most discouraging things in life to think you have finally hit some smooth sailing and then your boat overturns again. In my life, these times have rattled and shaken me to the core. I have felt defeated, like the sun was never going to shine again, and have often felt like maybe God is mad at me for some reason to have allowed more trouble in my life. Of course, there are all the cute quotes out there that remind us God is always good and is always working for our good. Heck, I even believe that, but man, sometimes I don’t feel it. I sit and wonder what God is up to and why there are times it feels like He yanks me out of a pleasant place only to drop me into a difficult, depressing or downright terrible place. If I’m being totally honest, it makes me question His goodness and wonder why He doesn’t just put me (or others) in that pleasant place and let us stay there. Sometimes it is life circumstances that just hit us, but sometimes God actually calls us out of the good places for a reason.
There was certainly a bigger purpose for bringing Lazarus back than just relieving the grief of his family. God used that event to show who He is and that He IS who He says He is. He used it to show His power, but also his mercy and love. Look, there was no denying the miraculous nature of what happened. The Bible tells us that Lazarus was in the grave for four days already and that he stunk! No one could deny he was dead – I mean “dead” dead! There was no way to say what Jesus did was a parlor trick or anything else. It was most definitely effective! Not only that, but the disciples needed their faith strengthened, and Jesus knew that bringing Lazarus back would accomplish that. But again, what about Lazarus? What good did it do HIM to be brought back? He lost all of the perfection of Heaven, AND he would have to go through an earthly death TWICE! Is it just me, or does that seem mean to anyone else? I’ve felt bad for him on that piece, because it really feels like he got the short end of that stick. I think that’s why we don’t often talk about this piece of the story. We don’t want to think that God would purposely bring us back from something amazing – or even perfect – just to drop us back into something where we are going to have to struggle. We can say all day long that we’d be ok with it since it for His glory, but I really don’t think that’s how our hearts react when it happens.
When things are going well for me, I need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m sure Lazarus wasn’t worrying about things on earth after he died. He was simply enjoying being in Heaven. I need to do the same thing in life’s pleasant places. I need to just sit back and marvel at how true God’s word is, and that He has taken care of me just as He promised He would. I need to just relax in that place and not worry about what else might or might not happen. I’ll be honest, that is NOT a natural or easy thing for me to do, but it would be so much better for me. When we worry about what might be coming next, we drain all the joy and peace out of the pleasant places in life. When we do that, we wring the joy and confidence in God out of our lives as well. Then we wonder why we are so stressed or why God feels so far away.
So the next time I hear, “Deanna, come forth,” I’m going to take a quick look around before I leave the amazing place in which I’m standing, and consider all He did to deliver me from trials in the past. By doing that, I can walk back into this flawed world with complete confidence and security in the truth of His word. Only then can I live a liberated life, free of worry and fear in my circumstances, because I have seen His glory and His fulfilled promises first hand. THAT knowledge and experience in the pleasant places is what will change the way I live in every place else.
Most of you have at least heard of the story in Exodus 14 of the people of Israel being trapped in front of the Red Sea with no way out. There was impassible terrain on both sides, they were being pursued from behind by Pharaoh’s army, and there was a sea in front of them. Death and destruction seemed certain, but God had actually
I mentioned there were TWO times where God parted literal waters to make a way for His people. The first was the Red Sea, but the other was Jordan River. The people of Israel were still journeying along the path God was directing them, carrying the Ark of the Covenant (Joshua chpt 3). They arrived at the edge of the Jordan River, and there was no way for them to cross. This was the time of year the river ran so high and swiftly that it would overrun its banks. It was a rushing, flooding river! God instructed Joshua that when the people come to the brink of the flowing waters of the Jordan, the priests who were carrying the Ark were to “stand still IN the Jordan.” Joshua passed the message along, and they did as they were told. As a result, the waters parted, and the people passed across on DRY GROUND! Sound familiar? Wait until God tells you to do otherwise and He will make the way clear. There is a glaring similarity in these two events: God’s direction was to “stand still” and He would provide a way. On the other hand, there is also a glaring difference. At the Red Sea, the people were to stand still and watch God open the path ahead. The sea parted before anyone stepped into it. At the Jordan River, the men were told to stand still IN the Jordan first and then God would open the path. The waters didn’t part until AFTER they stepped in.
Standing still isn’t easy. Waiting for God to open doors and paths in our lives isn’t easy, but knowing where we are supposed to stand still is an even tougher dilemma for us. Are we (am I) standing at the edge of the sea or the raging river? How do I know if I am waiting on God to move, or if God is waiting on me to step into the water first? Are we at a standoff of faith? Am I misinterpreting my role in this journey? Questions flood our minds when we are struggling. We question why God isn’t opening the path before us or why He doesn’t seem to be moving. We strain our eyes for signs of where we are supposed to go or what we are supposed to do. Do we wait or do we leap? My friends, God is not the author of confusion! (1 Cor 14:33) He is continually leading us in all different ways – some are obvious and some are subtle, but all are powerful if we are willing to follow. God may drop a sign as obvious as a pillar of fire or cloud in front of you and say “follow that,” or you may have to rely simply on His words. You may be led to a dead end and told to stand still on the banks of the ocean and wait, or you may be told to step INTO the waters first and wait for them to part. I think most of us probably prefer waiting for the path to open before we embark upon it. We like to see it before we walk it. There are some, however, who actually prefer jumping into the river first and then seeing the path emerge.
The “Jordan River” brings a total different type of stress. I’ve been there too. There isn’t the same urgency of survival that happens at the “Red Sea.” You aren’t trapped and no one is actively pursuing you to destroy you. You are simply lacking direction. It isn’t hard for us to stand still in these times because the status quo can be an addictive drug. When there isn’t an urgent threat, it’s easy to just stick with what you know, but we find ourselves in situations where we are driven to fear, depression, and anxiety. We know God has the ability to deliver us, but we can see different options or paths for that to happen. As a result, we become paralyzed because we don’t want to give up what we have if God hasn’t shown us the path yet. We don’t make the leap because we fear we will be worse off than we are now. “Better the devil you know than the devil you don’t,” right? So we give up joy, peace and contentment for the sake of stability and safety. The stress of the Jordan doesn’t come from having to calm yourself to be still in the face of a charging enemy; it comes from having to get the courage to let go of safety and stability FIRST and then wait for God to reveal the path. Let me add one other thought here. God told them to step into the raging flood waters and THEN to stand still. He didn’t tell them to step in and keep walking. Our tendency at the Jordan is to say, “I know God wants me to step into the river and He will show me the way.” What we forget is the very next step after leaving the safety of dry land, is to stand still in the unknown. The fear and anxiety that comes with the Jordan comes from letting go of a sure thing and seemingly risking everything. It comes in doing making the leap and then having to calm yourself as the flood waters rush around you. It comes in trying to stand while the force of your circumstances are trying to pull you under. Instead of asking God “Why did you bring me here to be destroyed,” we ask ourselves, “What was I thinking?!” We start questioning if we did the right thing, because destruction seems certain as a result of our decision. We experience the elation of courage, only to be hit with the panic of survival. We step in, but when the way isn’t immediately made clear, we step back out and wonder why we still don’t see a path. That isn’t God’s fault; it’s ours.
No matter where you find yourself today, standing at the Red Sea or the Jordan, don’t panic. God is with you, leading you forward. He isn’t holding His will behind His back and making you play a game to try and figure it out. If you truly want direction, and are in fellowship with your Father, then He will reveal it to you. You may still be asking, “But how do I know?” Proverbs 3:5-6 says, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your path.” Notice the little word in the middle – “all. That little word leaves no room for creating your own directions or forging your own path. Are you the master of your destiny? Yes, absolutely. You have complete freedom of choice to live your life how you choose. You can go it alone, bumping into walls, frustrated and always seeking direction, or you can acknowledge God in ALL your ways and He will provide the direction for which you are seeking. If you want to know which way to go, then get humble, surrender your will to His in every area, and then listen to that still, small voice within. He has promised He will lead us; we simply need to be willing to stand still first, and then follow where He leads.
Beauty and the Beast is an iconic Disney movie. It’s a classic and has been loved by so many people around the world. Like most things “Disney,” it is very family-friendly. When information started coming out about quotes the openly gay director of the new film had made regarding Christianity/religion, and how he was thrilled to have a “delicious” exploration of a characters sexuality, the response was swift from Christians everywhere. It wasn’t just swift, it was venomous. Arguments broke out, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth over the downfall of such a family-friendly company who was “catering to the LGBTQ community.” I get it. People were upset; but they were upset at something they had yet to see with their own eyes. Man, this happens with us “Christians” all the time anymore. I am not advocating we, as people of faith, give up our principles that are founded in God’s word. I’m just asking us to take a good look at the hypocrisy in which we far too often live our lives.
What I saw was a beautifully made movie. I will not spoil the “big, gay moment” at the end, as some have called it, but will say it is the furthest thing from that assessment. Is there a moment? Yes. It is offensive? No. Could it as easily have been interpreted as a funny moment rather than something else? Yes. Shoot, Fried Green Tomatoes had more moments that could have been interpreted one way or another but you didn’t have some outrageous boycott of that movie. My point is, the few comments of a director who does not value our faith is what blew this up. As usual, we are picking and choosing when to be outraged and when we don’t think twice about it.
Here’s the bottom line: If we are going to call ourselves “Christians,” then we need to act like Christ. You remember Him, right? He was the one eating with the criminals and loving the unlovable. He was the one reaching out to the sinners engaged in all kinds of reprehensible behaviors and offering them forgiveness, love and hope. He was the one condemning the religious people of the day who went around acting holy for the sake of being seen. Remember Him? He shattered religion. He lived in perfect accordance with His word and spent more time with the “sinners” than the “saints.” If He was walking the earth today, Christianity – the religion with Him at the center, would reject Him, shame Him, destroy Him on social media, and then do everything they could to silence Him. We are the Pharisees and we need to realize that following Jesus means letting go of our pride and spiritual arrogance and live from a place of love and compassion. And we need to live it consistently. Jesus called the Pharisees a “generation of vipers.” God help us to not reach the point where He says the same of us. We are dangerously close to being those same snakes that stood in judgment of the sins of others instead of their own.