Here we are on Valentine’s Day 2019, a day on which many people celebrate love, but what exactly does that mean? Is it a day where people truly step back and think about what love is, or is the focus on what they get or what kind of display of affection their significant others do for them? I remember working for a company that announced over the loudspeaker the names of everyone who had received a delivery during the previous 30 minutes. It went on all day long! Over the years it began to feel almost like a contest of how many times your name would be announced, as if it was some indicator of how much you were loved by others. What started as an easy way to organize deliveries for a people within a large company became a source of pain for so many people whose names weren’t called multiple times or maybe not called at all. My point is, what should we celebrate when we think of love? We should celebrate the traits of what it means to truly love others. 1 Corinthians 13 tell us the true nature of love:
“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
We like to quote those verses or turn them into wall hangings, but so often they become exactly what they shouldn’t – decoration. The more we look at things, the easier it is to stop seeing them. It is easy to get caught up in the trap of saying the right things, but not living them. It’s easy to get lost in our own desires or how others aren’t acting or reacting like we think they should. Once we start down that road, it leads nowhere positive. Look at the beginning of that same passage of scripture:
“If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.”
We like to jump to the section that so beautifully describes the nature of love, but skip over the first few verses that tell us we can be the most eloquent, gifted, generous person on the planet, but if we do not have love, then we are NOTHING! Let that sink in for a moment. (I’ll wait…) It’s quite a statement of what happens when we get so focused on ourselves and start thinking everyone else is wrong or are doing things wrong. We start expecting things and then get upset when we don’t get them. It is one of the many reasons why Valentine’s Day has become such a commercialized day of supposed romance. Society keeps trying to define for us what love looks like, and we just keep absorbing that view. We need to stop. We need to get back to truly loving each other, and we need to do it every day, not just on Valentine’s Day.
In a time when we are more divided than ever in so many realms, it is good to remember what Jesus tells us in John 13:35, “By this shall all men know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for another.” We should look different, act different and BE different. That doesn’t seem so tough when you think about loving those who love you and treat you well, but when you consider loving the people who have mistreated you, judged or slandered you or a host of other things, it can be a daunting thing to undertake. It isn’t easy to love the unlovable or those who mistreat us, but I just keep thinking about how much Jesus loved us – even while we were (or are) unlovable. Philippians 2:5, it tells us, “Let this mind be in you that was also in Christ Jesus.” Yeah, there is a LOT that could be said about that, but when it comes to love, we are to view love the way He viewed love. And yes, we are to love even those who mistreat us. “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father who is in heaven; for He causes His sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be mature and complete, as your heavenly Father is mature and complete.” (Matthew 5:43-48) Being mature or complete is a tall order, but if we are to follow in the steps of our Father, we have to be willing to set aside our pride and love genuinely.
So on this day of love, I will leave you with this: Let us go out into this world with love and kindness. Let us stop being so quick to judge each other and instead pray for each other and lift up those around us. Don’t try to pull the weeds in someone else’s garden, but rather cultivate what you want to grow in yours. Love in ways that far exceed your words, even if those around you do not do the same. Love in spite of your expectations. Love in the midst of pain. Love when you are on top of the world, or when it is crashing down around you. Love completely, not for what you get but for what you can give. We did nothing to deserve God’s incredible love and He did not reserve it for only the “worthy.” He loved every single one of us in spite of ourselves. Love because you have been loved. Bless because you have been blessed. Forgive because you have been forgiven. And remember just because God made it that simple; He never said it would be easy.
Blessings and love to you and yours!
A few years ago, I had an experience at a church association meeting that was so egregious that I was compelled to write about it. If you haven’t read that post, it’s worth the read. (
I once had a pastor tell me that the reason Eve was deceived instead of Adam was because the serpent knew that women were totally susceptible to believing a lie. Basically, that she was an easy mark, so-to-speak, which is why she was deceived and Adam was not. In so many words, he said that Satan figured he had a better chance with her because she was a woman, and the fact he was successful in deceiving her proved his point was true. This pastor went on to say that the reason women “as a class of humanity” are more susceptible to deception than men, is because it is part of our “innate female psyche.” By nature, Eve was not equipped to make the kind of decisions that the serpent presented to her, because she was not capable of weighing objective facts and coming to an appropriate decision. Although this pastor did state that there were exceptions to the fact that women make decisions based on a value system rather than on objective facts, he also stated these stereotypes are backed up by scripture AND scientific data (like the Meyers Briggs test). Whether you are a man or a woman, I imagine you are scratching your head right about now. Trust me, it didn’t sit well with me at the time either, but I later realized no amount of discussion or rebuttal could ever change the heart of that pastor. Only God can do that, and it is for God alone to handle.
The Bible tells us that in Christ, we are all the same (Galatians 3:28). Of course, we all fulfill different roles in life, and God calls us all to individual places of service for which He also equips us. Having different traits, backgrounds, or abilities should not divide us. God sees us the same, even though we are each unique in so many ways. Different is not worse. Different is not less. Different does not give us license, as people of faith, to look down on anyone or consider them to be less than we are. Yes, there are many things God tells us to refrain from or be mindful of, but He reveals to us in Proverbs 6:16-19 the seven things He actually hates:
What a contrast to what so many churches and leaders have become these days. Jesus doesn’t say to love your neighbors unless he/she is of a different race or religion. He doesn’t say to love your neighbor as long as he/she isn’t a homosexual or because he/she gossips, drinks or acts in other ways that seem contrary to God’s word. He doesn’t give us permission to not love anyone, because He didn’t exclude anyone from His love. He so deeply loved every single person, even those who hated and abused Him, that He was willing to die for them…for us. Yes, there are many behaviors and activities in which He doesn’t want us to engage, but I find it interesting that what God chose to list, through His inspired word, as things He truly hates are those behaviors that reveal our pride, arrogance, and ignorance. He is concerned with our hearts and our character. We are all sinners, and if we try to hide behind our church buildings or cover up our prejudiced opinions of others being beneath us, then we have not only failed in the two commandments that Jesus declared hold up every other directive, but we have displayed the very behaviors that God hates. After all, the only antidote for prejudice is humility.
It’s funny how God always gives us the answers we need instead of the ones we want. Right now, there are many things in my world that are causing me great distress, and I have earnestly prayed for clarity in all of them, waiting for God to answer me. I have been coming to Him with the right heart, but I didn’t know I was asking the wrong questions. Instead of providing clarity on all my situations, He revealed to me what I needed in order to hear His answers, and in doing so, He answered the one question I wasn’t even asking: “How do I find clarity on HOW to get clarity?”
In my situation(s), I keep praying for clarity on what I’m supposed to do. What is the solution? Am I supposed to stand firm? Am I supposed to walk away? I just want to know which way to turn, because I don’t have that direction yet. I don’t want to do something I’m not being called to do, so it stands to reason that my heart would be searching for answers. But what do we do when those answers don’t seem to be coming?
When we are truly seeking the right direction in our lives or circumstances, we go through a process of discovery. We ask and ponder and sometimes even drive ourselves crazy trying to wrap our hands or heads around a plan that will work. Our hearts can be in the right place, but the fog hanging over it can make it confusing, so we pray and consider all aspects of our situation. For me, that consideration can actually bring up more and more feelings of discouragement and frustration. Those feelings can then lead me to a place where I am ready to change direction or make decisions based on how I feel. When we arrive at these places, we need to ask ourselves, “Do I feel called somewhere else or to something else, or am I just frustrated, bored, disappointed, etc.?” If our response to that question is that we are frustrated and such, then it’s time to step back. Being frustrated and disappointed is very different from being “called.” I know because I’m experiencing it in my own life, and yet God has been quietly whispering to me, answering the question I wasn’t even asking:
I know we often look at the word “radical” as somewhat of a bad word, especially in churches, but how did Jesus command us to love each other? And how are we commanded to treat each other? We know the answers to those questions. They are simple answers, and yet so difficult to put into practice because we are human. We get tired of loving, forgiving and serving others when we get nothing in return from them. Sometimes in the middle of my discouragement, I am reminded of how often Jesus must have felt the same way. When I shared this with my husband recently, his response was, “I’m not Jesus. I’m not divine.” Although I completely understand the sentiment, it isn’t an accurate one. We ARE divine. My mind and body may not be divine, but my spirit is! As believers, we have the Holy Spirit living within us. Our spirit is HIS spirit, so we truly are divine in that one area of our own trinity (body, mind, spirit). That means we CAN love and forgive radically, but we choose not to because it’s so hard to overcome our human nature. It’s a battle, and we are always going to fail here and there because we aren’t perfect! I often feel like the apostle Paul – I don’t do what I want to do and I can stop doing what I don’t want to do!
Our actions can certainly be evidence of our commitment or the commitment of others, whether it’s to our family, church, jobs, or anything else. Talk is really cheap, but we need to remember that actions can also be deceiving. We’ve all had times where we remained committed to our responsibilities long after our heart was no longer in it. In these cases, it gives the impression we are committed, but the truth is we are just going through the motions. It’s no different than those who constantly talk about being committed but won’t ever sacrifice or, as the saying goes, “put their money where their mouths are.” Our service to God in EVERY area of life is between us and God first. Only we can determine where God is calling us or in what manner He is asking us to serve. Our responsibility is to Him first, and if we want to have clear direction, we must keep our priorities in order. Like most of us, I need to humble my attitude more. It’s easy to feel pious or like a martyr when we feel like we are the only ones doing all the work. And guess what? Sometimes you ARE doing all the work. When that’s the case, it’s easy to fall prey to that mindset, but then we are letting our emotions take over. God tells us that whatever we do should be done in love. Period. (1 Cor 16:14) That also means if I am serving, it shouldn’t be out of obligation, and it shouldn’t matter what others are or are not doing. What matters is whether or not I am doing things from a heart of true love, forgiveness and service.
We naturally want things to be fair in life. What we don’t consider is who determines what is “fair” and what is not? God has commanded us to drop our own attitudes, even if they seem warranted and realistic. It’s ok to feel angry, disappointed, discouraged and frustrated, but God tells us to let it go! We know it’s true, but I sometimes act like a whining child and think, “Why do I always have to drop my attitude, but they never have to drop theirs?” Have you ever felt that way? Well, God’s response to that question is, “You drop it because you are mature enough to know better.” Ugh – if that doesn’t hit you in the heart, I don’t know what will. Sometimes the reason God asks so much of us is because we know better. He asks more of us because we are more spiritually mature. After all, to whom much is given, much is required. Go read about the concept of the “weaker brother” in Romans chapter 14, and consider that for a moment. Sometimes being right isn’t always the right thing for us to do. It really does all come back to love, but instead we sit and complain about fairness. I have news for you, until you are hanging on a cross with people spitting on you and torturing you to death, you don’t have any right to complain that it’s not fair that you have to treat people with love and kindness in spite of how they treat you in return.
When we are faced with situations we don’t understand or are wondering why God doesn’t seem to be listening, we need to step back. When we are trying to discern whether or not God is pulling and drawing us toward something else, we need to make sure we aren’t squinting through a fog trying to guess what or where it is. When we know there are things God wants us to do, but refuse to do them because we don’t like them or think they are fair, then we are turning up the noise that prevents us from hearing what He’s trying to tell us. If we will simply start loving radically and forgiving radically, regardless of what anyone else does, we can start to clear the fog. When that happens, I can have far more confidence in the answers to my questions. It’s definitely not easy to do, but it is the truth, nonetheless. Clarity in the details can only come after we have clarity on the bigger picture.
We may not be perfect, but if we will become as radical in our love and forgiveness for others as He was, then the fog will begin to clear. As it says in Proverbs 3:6, “In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.” We can’t cherry-pick the areas in which we follow and then expect Him to make the path clear to us. He just won’t do it.
Beauty and the Beast is an iconic Disney movie. It’s a classic and has been loved by so many people around the world. Like most things “Disney,” it is very family-friendly. When information started coming out about quotes the openly gay director of the new film had made regarding Christianity/religion, and how he was thrilled to have a “delicious” exploration of a characters sexuality, the response was swift from Christians everywhere. It wasn’t just swift, it was venomous. Arguments broke out, there was weeping and gnashing of teeth over the downfall of such a family-friendly company who was “catering to the LGBTQ community.” I get it. People were upset; but they were upset at something they had yet to see with their own eyes. Man, this happens with us “Christians” all the time anymore. I am not advocating we, as people of faith, give up our principles that are founded in God’s word. I’m just asking us to take a good look at the hypocrisy in which we far too often live our lives.
What I saw was a beautifully made movie. I will not spoil the “big, gay moment” at the end, as some have called it, but will say it is the furthest thing from that assessment. Is there a moment? Yes. It is offensive? No. Could it as easily have been interpreted as a funny moment rather than something else? Yes. Shoot, Fried Green Tomatoes had more moments that could have been interpreted one way or another but you didn’t have some outrageous boycott of that movie. My point is, the few comments of a director who does not value our faith is what blew this up. As usual, we are picking and choosing when to be outraged and when we don’t think twice about it.
Here’s the bottom line: If we are going to call ourselves “Christians,” then we need to act like Christ. You remember Him, right? He was the one eating with the criminals and loving the unlovable. He was the one reaching out to the sinners engaged in all kinds of reprehensible behaviors and offering them forgiveness, love and hope. He was the one condemning the religious people of the day who went around acting holy for the sake of being seen. Remember Him? He shattered religion. He lived in perfect accordance with His word and spent more time with the “sinners” than the “saints.” If He was walking the earth today, Christianity – the religion with Him at the center, would reject Him, shame Him, destroy Him on social media, and then do everything they could to silence Him. We are the Pharisees and we need to realize that following Jesus means letting go of our pride and spiritual arrogance and live from a place of love and compassion. And we need to live it consistently. Jesus called the Pharisees a “generation of vipers.” God help us to not reach the point where He says the same of us. We are dangerously close to being those same snakes that stood in judgment of the sins of others instead of their own.
Our society places a lot of value on beauty and outward appearance. We think nothing of having work done (or of others having work done) to try and circumvent the effects of aging, and yet we are paying less and less attention to how we look on the inside. We are losing our ability to be civil and courteous, and nowhere is this truth more apparent than on Facebook and other social media sites. Over the past 6 months or so, I have been spending less time on Facebook and much of the time I’ve spent was, or is, hiding posts from people on ALL sides of varying issues (political or other). My tolerance for the intolerance shown by so many people on so many subjects has really worn thin. Before I go any further, let me just say that if you think I’m one of those people who just wants to stick their heads in the sand and not care, or are not willing to be engaged in thoughtful or even passionate discussion, I can assure you nothing is further from the truth. I choose to be very engaged, just not online.
That’s part of what is wrong with instant news. Stories used to have time to develop before everyone heard something and reacted. We’ve seen many stories that turned out not to be as they were originally portrayed, but it was too late to stop the reactions or public opinion – even when the facts finally come out. On top of that, there is so much “fake” news that now exists for the sole purpose of stirring people up, or even worse, slandering or attacking them.
We don’t walk away from people who are rude or aggressive anymore, instead we devolve into them ourselves. We forget that we are talking to human beings, and instead treat each other like animals. We are bullies. We are arrogant and insensitive asses. We devolve into everything we say we aren’t or that we preach against. We watch our friends tear each other down and just sit there. We think, because we don’t read or react to the garbage that rolls through our feeds, that it isn’t affecting us. But it is. It wears on us until we finally crack. I’ve fallen victim to it on several occasions myself. “It” being that almost uncontrollable urge to fight back or snipe back at someone who is being unreasonable or, God forbid, wrong! I’ve given into it on occasion, but it has almost always come with regret at some point.
So why does it matter? It matters because we are conditioning ourselves in ways that are harming us as individuals and as a society. Our “real” lives are in turmoil. We hear of tragedies almost daily where someone has attacked or even killed others. We hear of relationships of all kinds falling apart and everyone is more concerned with blaming each other and making sure they are the one who comes out “looking good.” We watch kids bully and be mean to each other but then whine and cry when someone does the same to them. We wring our hands and wonder why this selfish behavior has become so common, but we refuse to look in the mirror and admit we are part of the problem. Whether we are actually fighting or being a voyeur, we are part of the problem. We are more and more desensitized which makes us less and less self-aware. In our “real” lives, we are becoming quicker to point out others who are being rude, offensive or a host of other negative traits while not seeing our own.
We are ALL humans. We are all imperfect and we all are tempted to get caught up in the drama with which we are constantly bombarded. Instead, let us hold each other close in heart. Let us truly love each other instead of tearing each other down. Let’s purge our social media feeds AND our lives of the things that continually remind us of how we are different we are and start looking at how we are all the same. Yes, it’s time for a “face”lift of a different kind, so I will leave you with this: “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)
The Cadence of My Soul 