Tag Archives: courage

To Cheat Or Not To Cheat

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shutterstock_200740298To cheat or not to cheat?  That is actually NOT the question!   With the end of the football season, comes a story that has had many people talking about the Patriots and football air pressure.   I think most of us would say that cheating is bad.  Cheating in a relationship is wrong.  Cheating on a test is wrong.  Cheating in a football game or other sporting event is wrong, and yet we have situations come up like this one with the Patriots last week where there seems to be a gray area.  Things become gray due to the opinions of people.  There is always “he said-she said” in any questionable situation, but the bottom line is there are rules.  There are guidelines, and if they’re broken, it’s wrong and there should be consequences.  I realize in “deflate-gate,” many people have come out (even in the NFL) and said every team does these kinds of things.  People have even discussed that the rule should be changed because it’s stupid and no one really abides by it.  They say it doesn’t matter because everybody bends it.  If the rules say that something has to be a certain way, then you don’t have the liberty to simply choose to arbitrarily change it on your own.

Is it ever right to do the wrong thing?  That question has been asked many times before.  We like to pick and choose when it’s ok to do the wrong thing, but that doesn’t actually make it ok.  We say it’s alright to steal if you are starving, but it isn’t.  Would most of us do it?  Yes.  Does that make it right?  No.  It really is black and white, even though we use our reasoning to turn it gray.   So why is this football story so huge?  Is it because the Patriots are one of the most disliked teams in the country (according to a recent poll)?  Probably.   Is it because people are irritated over the fact they ran up the score or are arrogant?   Possibly.   But does holding someone accountable to the stated rules make you a poor sport or sore loser?  No.   So then why is this such a big deal?  There are people starving all over the world.  We have people starving in our own country!  There are human rights issues all over the world.   We have a government that is out of control.  So how is THIS such a big story?   I think it speaks to something in many of us.

shutterstock_234987922Most of us have this thing about fairness and justice.  WE WANT JUSTICE!  Of course, we only want justice when it affects the other team or person.   We only want justice when it isn’t for something we have done.  When we mess up or do something wrong, or make a less than wise decision, we want mercy and forgiveness.  We want understanding and compassion from others, yet all too often we aren’t willing to give it.  So when we get stirred up over something someone else has done (or is doing), sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves why and consider the place internally from where it is coming.

When I look at the Patriots, although they may be one of the most disliked NFL teams, they are also one of the best.   They have skilled players who work together well.  They have achieved greatness in many areas as a team and so has Tom Brady as an individual.  They’ve been on top and they are on top again.  There’s something interesting about being on top:  the higher you climb, the bigger target you become.   When you’re good at something, you are going to be viewed with more scrutiny.  When you rise up, you must inevitably dodge the shots being taken at you.   And whether that’s right or wrong, or good or bad, it does remain a fact.  When you stand up and say “I’m going to lead,” or you step up and make yourself visible, you better be ready because things are going to happen.  My grandpa used to always say, “You can’t keep people from saying negative things about you, but you can make them liars.”  In other words, there are always people who are going to talk about you, and I will assure you if you are in a position of leadership, popularity or notoriety, people ARE going to criticize you.  They may all have different reasons for trying to knock you down, and whether or not it’s fair for you to be held to a different standard, you are.  WE are.  You don’t have the luxury of always doing the things that others are able to do.  There are things they can get away with for which you would be held accountable.

shutterstock_209920357So back to “deflate-gate” for a moment:  The Patriots are accomplished, winning and visible, and as a result they need to pay attention to details and do the right things even if no one else is.  As far as the pressure in the footballs, there should be no question at all.   You know what the rules are; abide by them.  Put yourselves and your team above reproach as much as possible, with the understanding that you are still going to get scrutinized over things.  The same thing holds true for us.  It’s hard to say you’re sorry when you’re not wrong.  It’s difficult to have to constantly evaluate things and say to yourself, “This is the situation, and if I do it the right way, it’s going to take me longer.  It’s going to cost me more in one way or another.  What should I do?”  It may wear on you over time, but that’s the choice you constantly have to make, because when you don’t, the smallest indiscretions will rise up in your world and become much bigger stories or scandals.  You can look to the right or left and you can watch people gossip, lie, cheat, steal, tear other people down, be manipulative, not care, not love others, not be a good neighbor and countless other things, but it doesn’t matter what they do.  It doesn’t matter because WE are called to love, care and forgive.  What does the Bible say is required of us?  “He has shown you what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly before your God.”  (Micah 6:8)  In Ecclesiastes 12:13 we are told, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”  We are to stand up for what is right, not in everybody else’s life, but in our own.   It is really easy to sit in judgment when someone else has done something wrong, but if you want to sit in judgment, then judge yourself.  We all like to look out the window but rarely want to look in the mirror.  Rest assured, none of us are perfect, and we all have things we should be working on.  But if you are going to hold true and stand up strong for something, just know you are going to be hit with a firestorm at one point or another.

shutterstock_228213685It can be really discouraging watching other people act like sharks during feeding time.  You can’t help but wonder, “What are they gonna get theirs?  When are they going to finally get in trouble?”  But that’s not your problem, and it’s not mine.  Quite frankly it shouldn’t even be our concern as people of faith.  God has promised to take care of us and meet all our needs, if we will simply focus on Him.  Instead of spending our time being so concerned about what should or shouldn’t happen to someone else, we should spend it making sure we are doing the right things.  Remember, the higher you go, and the harder you try to do what’s right with pure motives from a genuine heart, the more the sharks are going to try and feed.  The more you are going to be peppered with questions about rules that everybody else seems to bend.   The problem is, if you stoop down and decide to bend or break the rules, it will inevitably be YOU that is caught, because they certainly aren’t going to turn on each other.

So I hope the recent events cause us to reflect on these things and remember we are called to be different.  As people of faith, we are called to come up higher, but we should never do so unequipped. We need to make sure our armor is on and our shield of faith is lifted high, because often the battle really does come down to you and God, not against the world, but against yourself.  You can’t keep people from talking about you, but you have complete control over whether or not what they say is the truth.  Stand up and be strong.  Lean for support on those God has brought to your life that are of the same mindset and spirit.  Nobody ever said it was going to be an easy road, but we do know it is a victorious one.

Blessings!

A Special Request

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shutterstock_176623409Sometimes life can really throw us curveballs…and these days I often feel like I am definitely having trouble with the curve!  We all have times when it seems as if the challenges keeps pouring down over our heads to the point we truly think we might drown. When these times hit us, it is easy to lose sight in the storms and start thinking there’s just no way we can make it through.  We get frustrated, overwhelmed or just downright depressed.  Even if we try to keep ourselves going in public, we privately find it hard to even catch a breath.  Trouble and challenges find us no matter how much we try to avoid them.  We can certainly make ourselves vulnerable to more difficulties through our choices, but sometimes all the things we see as difficulties are really a chance for us to grow.  Yeah, I know.  I don’t like the fact that’s the truth either!

Many of you have read my most recent book titled “How We Said Goodbye.”  Though it was the story of the journey I made with my friend Annette, in it I also shared the circumstances surrounding my dear friend Sandy and how cancer reared its ugly head in her world a couple of years ago.  It has been an amazing journey with all kinds of treatments since that time, but she has done better than I think most of us expected.  With each new round of treatments there was potential for all kinds of negative and debilitating effects and yet she sailed through with relatively minor issues.  It has been an unspeakable blessing to have seen the progress she has made over the past couple of years.  In January, Sandy was pronounced to be “radiologically” cancer free.  You can imagine the excitement we all felt at such great news after such a difficult journey!  And then it happened….

Sandy had a scan in April that revealed recurrence of her cancer that is necessitating yet another, potentially very extensive, surgery.  In addition to the surgery, the doctors will be performing an IORT procedure (Intra-Operative Radiation Therapy) while she is in the operating room.  It is an amazing procedure where they are able to move vital organs aside while the surgical wound is still open and pinpoint the radiation therapy directly on the site of the cancer.  This may turn out to be a great help to her prognosis.  We are certainly hoping so.

d sandyBecause Sandy really hates the limelight, I realize I might get slapped by her for what I’m about to say, but right now she has no control over my fingers so…here I go.  Anyone who knows Sandy or has been around her at all over the past couple of years will tell you she really is one “tough old broad!”  I’ve always known and seen what an amazingly strong person she is, but this journey has proved just how right I was.  But with Sandy, it’s more than just strength…it’s grace.  I’m not saying she doesn’t have moments now and then when things get to her, but to listen to her talk, she has a faith that surpasses that of what most of us claim to have – especially in times of trouble.  She may be human, but she continually looks at the blessings her Heavenly Father has given to her or provided for her during this very difficult time instead of looking at all the things she has to deal with.  It isn’t platitudes or clichés; it is a palpable, authentic trust and gratitude for God’s  love and care for her and her family.  She doesn’t wear rose-colored glasses and she knows exactly what she has been (and is) up against, but she truly lives what she believes…even when she thinks she is caving just a little bit.

Sandy and her family are a family of true faith.  She and her husband (who happens to be a Pastor) have raised their four daughters with great love.  They’ve not had to use words to teach their children (or those around them) what it means to live according to God’s word because they’ve taught them (and us) through their actions.  It is this very rational, logical faith and trust in God that is continuing to sustain them now just as it always has.  To me, that is a beautiful example of what it means to have peace in the midst of the storm.

shutterstock_192108185So speaking of storms and the ones raging around me right now, I suppose it’s time for me to take note of all the blessings in my own life instead of getting so distracted by the wind and waves that seem like they will overtake me.  If Sandy can raise the sails in her storm and harness the wind, I can certainly do better at doing the same in my own.   And as she approaches surgery this Friday, May 23rd at 7:30 a.m., I am asking those of you who are willing, to join us in prayer for Sandy, her family and her medical team (Dr. Nakakura, Dr. Gottschalk and their staff).   Anything is possible and we choose to believe that our Father truly is working things out for His glory and our ultimate good.  The short path is not always what we want to travel, but the reality is we can all breathe easier knowing we are resting in the palm of His hand.

Blessings…and thank you.

A Path or a Pile of Bricks?

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shutterstock_15701413I recently came across the following quote: “Sometimes in life you have to choose between two paths; other times all you get is a pile of bricks, and the path you build is up to you.”  After the past couple of months of trying to decide which way to go, it certainly feels like there has been nothing but ton after ton of bricks piled up in front of me.

So often in life we come to times of decision and tend to think it is an “either or” option, even when there may be other options available.  It is natural for us to go through a process of elimination until we are left with two choices and then try to figure out which is best, or in some cases, which is the lesser of two evils.  Most of us were raised to make decisions by looking at our options, weighing the pros and cons and then choosing the one that will bring the best results.  I’m not saying there is anything inherently wrong with this approach, as sometimes it can help immensely to take emotion out of it and “count the cost” of the journey on which we consider embarking.   Counting is not always bad and reasoning is not always wrong, but when we limit ourselves to only those paths that have already presented themselves to us or have been sanctioned by the people around us (whether family, friends, churches, or coworkers), then we have lost something very valuable in the midst.

shutterstock_32845126Life is not always black and white, and sometimes it can get a little messy.   We may experience unrest that causes us to feel compelled to make a change.  We may feel like the only way to gain our balance is to do something different, so we start looking for our options.  We must be careful when we start down this path, because it usually involves relying on our human reasoning and rationale.  Our human reasoning is often tainted greatly by our emotions.  When faced with a decision, we often choose the path that feels better.  We often choose the most lucrative path or the one that seems to be more logical.  We don’t often choose to stay on a path that may be temporarily uncomfortable because we don’t like pain or discomfort.  We get angry, frustrated, disheartened or even depressed about our current situation and start looking for a way out of it.  When we start looking for a way out, we naturally look for which path we should choose.

But what if it’s not about “choosing” a path but building one?

What if we took the mountain of bricks in front of us and build a path with them rather than looking for a way around them or how to remove them?  What if we started building instead of walking?  What if we put on our figurative headphones and listened to the music of that still small voice within instead of the overwhelming cacophony of noise that comes from everyone around us?  What if the bricks in front of us aren’t obstacles at all, but the exact materials we need in order to accomplish things greater than we could have imagined?

shutterstock_113875279It is so easy to get lost in the circumstances of life.  Sometimes we get hurt or disappointed.  Sometimes we feel unappreciated or mistreated.  Sometimes we get so disillusioned with things we previously had confidence in that it rattles us to the core.  Every negative experience or uncomfortable situation is another brick tossed in front of us.  When we find ourselves in these times, as I have been lately, it is so important to go back to what you know to be true and hold on to those things.  Get back to your guiding principles and let your heart and spirit settle for a bit before you go charging out onto a path that may or may not be best for you.  Maybe you (or I, in this case) need to see our difficulties not as something to work around but to work with.  Maybe we need to see all the many things that are going “wrong” in our lives as the bricks we need in order to build a road that leads us to places we could not reach any other way.

Life is complex and we are constantly presented with circumstances (or people) that test our faith and resolve.  We are faced with situations that leave us reeling, and we feel as though we just can’t take any more.  We get wounded to a point where we think we will not recover.  Lately I have questioned almost everything in my own life and have decided it is time to stop looking for a path to choose, but to build one.  It is time to follow where I am called, no matter where it leads.  It is time to take the bricks that for months have seemed to be piled everywhere and start fitting them together in whatever manner God leads me to place them.  It is a new kind of art, a new kind of creativity.

shutterstock_104872121So if you are wondering which way to go or are struggling with decisions in life, take heart.  If you are truly seeking clarity, you will find it.  If you truly want to know which way to go, you must first be willing to go.  When your heart is finally willing, and you are ready to give up your own reasoning and trust God for the results, one of two things will happen:  Either it will become clear which path to take, or you will suddenly see your pile of “bricks” as the exact stones you need to forge the path to exactly where you are called to be.

Blessings!

Revelation and Fragility

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Lately I’ve been immersed in a process of revelation.  I just completed writing a book that details the journey I took with my best friend, Annette, over the years as she eventually lost her battle with brain cancer.  It has been an intense and emotional process and one that has put in me yet another position of vulnerability and revelation.  Doing anything creative opens us up for all kinds of judgments (and even ridicule).  When we reveal the truth of our journeys, and the truth of what we experience and feel, the risks are so great that we often shrink back behind the veil of what we think we should look like to the world around us.

Throughout the process of writing and editing the book, I was taken to new places of reflection and realization.  At times it was a painful process as I stripped away the final layers of my protective covering, but it reminded me of how beautiful life truly is when we are wiling to risk judgment for revelation.  Annette and I trusted each other and refused to let society dictate to us how we would treat each other or express our love and care for each other.  As a result, we risked all kinds of ridicule and misperceptions but we didn’t care because we found something that far surpassed the fear of rejection and ridicule:  the strength of being understood and loved without condition. 

Love maskThe revealing of ourselves is often a painful experience.  Whether it is due to the revelation of traits we are not proud of or simply the revelation of our emotions in their most raw state, the result often brings us pain.  We don’t like to be vulnerable, and we don’t like our relationships to get out of balance between give and take…or revelation and reticence.  Even in our most difficult emotional moments, it is often hard to let down our guard or know that we need to reach out to someone who we know loves and cares about us.  We would rather curl up into a corner by ourselves and bear our burdens alone instead of “troubling” someone else with our struggles or let them see us in our fragile state.  Not only that, we don’t want to BE fragile with someone else because it opens us up to more hurt if we are not embraced in our fragility, or worse, judged for it. 

Recently I had the amazing blessing of being able to help someone I love get through a difficult time.  Interestingly, it happened at a time when I was struggling with my own internal issues, but the moment she became vulnerable, nothing could have stopped me from being there to support her.  All the things I was struggling with suddenly paled in comparison to the love and care I felt for another person.  It was an honor to have someone lay their heart in my hands for a short while and to be trusted to not injure it.  It was humbling to be allowed to care for someone who needed to be cared for in that moment.  lost and aloneAnd it was beautiful to see the openness and vulnerability of another’s spirit – even if it was something they would have fought to hide under normal circumstances.  It strengthened and comforted me far more than any strength or comfort I provided for her.  It was as a result of this experience that I remembered why honesty matters so much in our relationships and in our lives.   It reminded me why I had been willing to pour intimate details of my life into a book for all to read.  It whispered to me, “Without revelation and fragility you will never experience true acceptance and strength.”

Helping HandsIt was that experience that gave me courage to keep moving forward in the midst of my own struggles.  It strengthened me to know life is full of relationships that help us grow and it made me proud of my own revelations I shared within the book I just finished.  It reduced my fears of being judged or rejected for the exposure of my own heart.  Revealing ourselves, or becoming openly fragile for a while, allows us the opportunity to see love manifested in the ways someone else cares for us.  But beyond that, it also allows us the opportunity to strengthen those same people in ways we can’t even understand.  We need to stop being so worried about those who will reject us if we reveal our true selves and focus on those who embrace us more purely and love us because we reveal our true selves.  And as I say that, I can’t help but think, “Annette would be so proud.”

 Blessings!

I Am Not Presentable

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shutterstock_57395806Image can be a powerful thing.  We would like to say that we don’t judge people by their appearances but the truth is that our society has a way of doing so anyway.  It says a lot about us when we duck and hide from people we might actually want to see just because we think we don’t look presentable.  And how do we even define what “presentable” means anyway?

Yesterday I went against what I believe in my heart and it bothered me enough that I felt compelled to share it with all of you.  I was out with my husband and since it was the weekend, I didn’t think twice about going out in my old shorts, t-shirt and baseball cap.  I didn’t take time to do my makeup because I was spending the day relaxing and taking care of some things around the house.  I know I’m not the only one who does this but we all know there is that proverbial risk of being out and running into someone you know.  As my husband and I were leaving the parking lot of where we had just eaten lunch, I saw an old friend of mine walking into one of the other restaurants in the same complex.  We have wanted to see each other in person for quite some time but we just haven’t really had the opportunity to do so.  It would have taken nothing more than stopping the car to be able to see her for a few moments.  I told my husband who she was and he said, “Let’s stop!”  I panicked and told him no, to keep driving.  I knew she hadn’t seen me so I was still in the “safe” zone.  When he started to stop anyway I told him I had far too much to do and didn’t have time to talk so we just needed to go home.  The truth is I was too embarrassed with the way I looked to stop and say hello.  As a result, I missed a great opportunity to connect with someone I care about very much.

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I am a huge proponent of being who you are and embracing the people in your life.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you are wearing; what matters is how you clothe your spirit.  I believe these things with all my heart and here I was going against those very beliefs.  I must admit, I was shocked at myself.  What is it that would cause me to so quickly and strongly avoid making a connection for which I had been longing?  It was fear, embarrassment and a feeling of not measuring up.  shutterstock_137315255You see, this friend of mine is beautiful.  I mean really beautiful.  When we were in high school, she was pretty, funny and popular.  She was always friendly to others, even those who may not have been as popular as she.  I always liked her and considered her a friend but we were never close.  It wasn’t until much later in life that we found a beautiful connection of our hearts which has become a great treasure for me.  My friend would have been thrilled to see me yesterday, even in my “grubby” clothes and no makeup but I instinctively recoiled at the thought because she is even more beautiful today than she was all those years ago…and not just physically.  She has a beautiful spirit and I have been blessed to know her and yet I reacted before I could stop myself.  So what happened?!

Society tries to engrain in us an image of what beauty is and if we fail to attain it, then it means we are somehow less worthwhile.  Even though most of us would agree that image is warped, we still have moments where it pops up and causes us to react before we think. Even those of us who are usually strong, confident and know our worth is not in our appearances sometimes fall prey to the images that society tries to dictate to us.  We see someone who we think is more attractive than we are and – without even thinking – we start reacting as if we are in different classes of people.  We think someone is more beautiful so we avoid being near them when we don’t look our best.  We think someone is smarter so we avoid talking with them.  We think someone is more athletic so we refuse to play sports we love because we don’t want to look stupid.  We don’t dance because we think we have two left feet.  We don’t sing because we don’t want to be made fun of.  We develop a life that is fragmented and stressful because we spend all our time measuring ourselves by those around us instead of embracing OUR beauty and our gifts.  We spend our lives looking at the gifts of others and wondering why we weren’t blessed with them instead of looking at the ones we have been given and finding value in what we have to offer.

d river islandWe all have unique abilities, gifts and physical traits.  We are all beautiful in our own ways and the sooner we embrace that truth, the more amazing our lives will become.  We are all so hard on ourselves and we need to start focusing on the fact that we all feel “unpresentable” in one way or another.  We are all imperfect but what a shame it is when we allow our imperfections to keep us from connecting to those we love.  If we are willing to be seen as we are, even when we are not at our best, we begin to free others to let down their guard as well.  And when that happens, we may be surprised to find out that they are just as fearful to be seen without “makeup” as we are.

So today I apologize.  I apologize to myself for letting the madness of this world override the sanity of my spirit and for missing a wonderful opportunity to see the true beauty in life.  And I forgive myself for it all and choose to embrace the beautiful lesson I have learned.

Blessings!