Tag Archives: choices

Change Is a-Comin’

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As we start the new year, social media is a buzz with all kinds of things to help us reach our new year’s goals and resolutions.  There are websites, apps, and all kinds of other things to feed our addiction to improve our lives or ourselves – even if it is only temporary.

shutterstock_2175852582015 brought with it a lot of changes that have made me a better person.   God has worked through every situation, whether it seemed (to me) to be good, bad or somewhere in between.  It’s easy to look backward and see how things have changed us or made us think differently, which SHOULD help us as we look forward.  We don’t have to make sense of everything as it is happening, but rather we can be free to live in the moment and experience life as it happens.  Is it good to plan?  Yes, but that doesn’t mean we should become so concerned with planning and trying to figure things out that we miss everything that is working together for our good.

When we are experiencing difficult times, it is natural for us to expend all kinds of energy trying to make things better or easier, when we would be better off simply breathing through it and taking from it whatever lessons we need.  I’ve had things happen this year that have disappointed me beyond explanation or what I can truly express.  There have been things in every area of my life that have been painful and disappointing, but there have also been things in every area that have been beautiful and brought me great joy.  It all depends on where you choose to look and HOW you look at it.  When we look at our difficulties as an opportunity to reveal the truth about a person, situation, job, church or anything else, we become open to growing and changing through those difficulties.  Thankfully we get to make these choices daily on whether or not we will grow or shrink.  We don’t have to wait for the “New Year.”

shutterstock_257497339Inevitably, most of us take a time to reflect on the passing year and on what we hope for the next one.  We consider the mistakes we made or things we could have handled better.  We think of the opportunities we let slip and times we should have stood up when we didn’t.  Then we start making plans for how we will do things differently in the new year.   No matter the specific change we want to make, we determine to become a better version of ourselves.  I’m not saying it isn’t a noble endeavor to begin but somewhere along the way, we start to slip and end up back in the same old rut, year after year.  I must admit, it’s just easier to go along with the status quo than to get out of our comfort zone and develop a new habit…or a new me.  Every year I have great intentions for the new year, but often fall short because life happens, or at least that’s what I tend to say.

It’s time for me – for all of us – to expect more.  It’s time that we start following that still small voice within, no matter where it leads.  I am certain there will be changes in my spiritual walk because without it, no other changes will be accomplished.  For me, everything starts with where I feel God is calling me to be, and yet knowing it is only half the battle.  This year I need to not only listen, but then draw fully on His strength to carry out the things I know I need to do.  That’s the piece I sometimes miss because I take His will and then start making MY plans for how it will be accomplished.  This year I need to KEEP listening past the “what” and put faith in direction for the “how.”  Waiting and being patient do not come naturally when we are feeling desperate for change, but forcing the timing of that change can backfire on us and stall our progress.

shutterstock_15726439Change is going to happen for all of us this year.  It may be small change or it could be larger than we can even imagine right now.  For me, there are already changes in process that I did not see coming and, quite frankly, are not happy about.  It happens sometimes – circumstances take a turn and we are faced with decisions we’d rather not have to think about, especially when the only options we can see are ones that make us figuratively (or literally) sick to our stomachs.   It is like a rollercoaster that just keeps going until it comes full circle back to the station.  We ride it up and down, through the loops and around the corners, without really any control until we end up back where we got on.  The interesting thing is that once we get off, it’s up to us whether or not to get back on it again.  We can keep doing the same futile thing over and over, speeding down the tracks but getting nowhere, or we can walk away down a new path.  Sometimes neither FEELS good to us in the moment, but one will most certainly lead us nowhere but around the same track.  It’s time to get off the ride and get on with our lives.

So as we all look at where we are in light of where we have been, let us stop promising to change and start resolving to listen to that still, small voice within.  If we will pay attention to where God is leading us instead of where we are planning to go, rest assured the path will be revealed.  Yes, as the song says, “change is a-comin’, but everything’s gonna be alright.”

Blessings!

The Power of a Pie!

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Lately I’ve been struggling lately with all the negativity that surrounds us constantly in the news.  There are political arguments, issues with terrorism, fights among people of faith over things like Kim Davis (which is a blog for another time) and just general unrest all around us.  It can sometimes start to wear you down in ways you don’t even realize.  We start looking at things in our own lives with a wary eye.  We become cynical and start focusing on all the things we don’t have or what other people DO have.  We start losing our confidence and feel like hunkering down until all the stress of life blows over.  It can absolutely wear you down.  shutterstock_260082779This is where I’ve found myself lately, but then something wonderful happened.  I baked a pie.  I realize that announcement seems to be completely unrelated to what I have to say, but it really isn’t that far out in left field.  You see, sometimes it is the most unlikely, seemingly random things in life that can help you refocus on something positive.

I am not, (I repeat, NOT) a domestic goddess!  Most of you who follow the blog know that I am a true tomboy and always have been.  While my sister was spending time in the kitchen with my mom and grandmas, I was busy outside hunting, fishing, playing football and doing whatever else I could to get dirty and have some fun.  As a result, I never developed a love for cooking and baking, or even knew HOW to do any of it.  I could do enough to eat and stay healthy, but tackling something like a pie?  Well, that was just way too far out of my comfort zone.  I manage to do a lot of things fairly well, but believe me, VERY few of them involve a kitchen!    That being said, I saw a picture of a pie a week or so ago and immediately thought it was one of the coolest looking pies I’ve ever seen.  Immediately I thought, “I want to make that pie!”  (No, I’ve never made a pie from scratch in my life.  No, I’ve never made pie crust.  No, I have no idea what I’m doing.)  I showed the picture to a dear friend of mine who is an amazing cook/baker.  Seriously, everything I’ve ever tasted of hers has been amazing!  When I told her I wanted to make the pie, she chuckled and then said, “Ok, let’s make it!”  We decided on a time to get together so that she could stand in the kitchen with me and help talk me through the first pie-making experience of my life.

Yesterday, she showed up with all the stuff I needed in order to make the pie but knew I probably didn’t have in my house – cookie sheets (I only had one), parchment paper (I had no clue what that was for), spices (believe it or not, I actually already had nutmeg!) and a recipe for apple pie.  We went to the store and bought the other things we needed, and I embarked on my journey.  I don’t know how long a pie is SUPPOSED to take to make, but I’m pretty sure the process isn’t supposed to take almost 7 hours. I watch MasterChef and I’m pretty sure they could have done it in less than 45 minutes!   LOL.  IMG_9285Don’t get me wrong, I made the entire pie myself, but I had to ask questions and have the “whys” of certain things explained to me.  If I’m going to learn to make a pie, I want to really learn how to do it so I can do it again.  By the time everything was complete, I stood in my kitchen staring at something I honestly never thought I’d be able to do.  It made me giddy!  Yes, a pie made me giddy!  I was so excited that I posted pictures of it on Facebook mostly for the shock value since all my friends know I don’t really cook and I’m sure seriously doubt I have any skills at all.  It was a great day/evening, and I made a great pie!  Yes, it even tasted great. Was it perfect?  No, but it was better than I imagined.

So why share the somewhat boring story about making a pie?  Because as I drove to church this morning, with my pie in tow for a potluck, I realized just how good it made me feel.  You can laugh at me for saying this, but it made me feel more confident as a person.  Yes…a PIE caused that.  I realized that no matter how confident I may be in other areas of my life, this was an area that actually made me feel stupid.  Do I HAVE to cook?  No.  Do I HAVE to find a way to be good in areas that do not come naturally for me?  Not necessarily.  But stepping outside my comfort zone and being willing to listen to someone who is masterfully skilled in an area I’m not, made me see just how true it is that any of us can do anything we set our mind to do.

We make decisions every day  – mostly small decisions – that affect how we feel about our abilities, ourselves and our lives.  We make them without even thinking about them.  We gravitate to our comfort zones even when they may be strangling us to death.  If you are a somewhat confident person, it is also sometimes hard to step out of your comfort zone because it can feel embarrassing to have to start from the bottom in something and learn the basics. shutterstock_175906310 I dropped out of piano lessons for that very reason.  I could play enough piano to write songs and play most of what I wanted by ear.  Having to start by learning scales and other basics was just too boring.  I didn’t want to admit I struggled with playing the basics when I could sit down and play and sing an entire song already.   So our comfort zones can sometimes keep us from growing.  Actually, they quite often keep us from growing.  We make decisions to put ourselves in boxes.  There are certainly outside factors that build boxes for us.  People may tell you that you’re not intelligent or that you are brilliant.  You may be told you are beautiful or aren’t attractive at all.  You may be labeled as a hard worker or lazy.  There are so many boxes that are built for us, but here is the beautiful truth:  WE choose which boxes in which to put ourselves!  We are the ones who choose to climb into them, or in some circumstances, refuse to climb out of them.

Boxes and labels can make us feel safe.  We can climb into a familiar box and make self-depreciating jokes about the things we don’t do well so that we don’t have to hear anyone else make jokes about us.  We think it is easier to accept our limitations in ways that hold us captive than to put the energy into climbing out of that box.  Am I saying we all have to be great at everything?  Not at all.  Besides, no matter how great you are at most things, there is always something in which others do better than you. shutterstock_28374553 It is perfectly okay to NOT be good at something.  It is perfectly okay to NOT like something.  What I’m saying is that what we tell ourselves about those things is vitally important to our self-confidence.  What we choose to believe about ourselves is crucial to our mental well-being.  Don’t give in to the peer pressure of a society that tries to dictate what you have to be good at or what makes you “successful.”  BUT don’t become so uncomfortable or embarrassed about those things that you aren’t willing to try them if it’s something you want to do.  As you’ve probably heard before, “You never know until you try.”

We all have natural abilities, and our life should be filled with maximizing those abilities, talents and gifts.  I believe they are God-given for a purpose, and we should embrace them and walk in them.  But doing so doesn’t mean you can’t live life to the fullest by experiencing new things!  I don’t bake, but I made a pretty darn good apple pie from scratch (based on the reviews of those who saw and ate it)!  Had I not been willing to step outside my comfort zone (or ask for help in doing so), I would have missed out on a great experience – both in the time spent with a friend while making the pie and the joy of sharing it with others at the potluck.  Will I make another pie?  Probably.  Do I want to become a baker?  Nope.  I simply found that I didn’t have to be intimidated by something just because it’s something I wouldn’t normally do.

The greatest thing you can do is to live YOUR life!  Be who you want to be and stop making choices based on someone else’s assessment of what you are or are not capable of doing.  We are all amazing human beings. shutterstock_82458775 Every single one of you reading this is AMAZING!  You make look at others and label yourself as being less creative, talented, skilled, smart or a host of other things, but the truth is if that is what you believe, it is because you CHOOSE to believe it.   If someone tells you that you aren’t capable of doing something, it is your choice whether or not to believe them. Don’t let someone else’s definition of your potential limit your dreams!  And don’t let your potential go unattained because you are held captive by your own comfort zone!   Listen to your heart and go boldly in the direction of your dreams – even if those dreams seem insignificant or unreachable to those around you.  Achieving even our smallest dreams can become confidence builders that take us to new heights in our lives, even if no one ever knows why it is so important to us.

I guess sometimes all it takes is to bake a pie.

Blessings!

When Is “Enough” Enough?

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shutterstock_236380858Today I stopped at the post office to drop off a tray of mail, and I pulled up next to a very joyful, elderly gentlemen that was parked in a handicapped spot.  He was trying to get back into his car, which required getting his walker collapsed and into the backseat before he could get in himself.   I acknowledged him and asked if he needed assistance, but he just smiled and said he didn’t.  When I came back out from dropping off the mail, he hadn’t progressed very far in what he was doing, though he was still as joyful as he was when I walked in.  As I got into my car, I couldn’t help but think, “How blessed am I that I am able to walk to my car, get in and drive here and then carry in a tray full of mail and drop it off without missing a beat?”  Even with all my own aches and pains, I go about most daily tasks without even giving them a second thought.

It seems we get so caught up in the things that are wrong with us, or the things we need to change, that we forget about all the things that are right and don’t need to change at all.  We forget about the things in us that are perfect.  Yes, I said perfect.  We all have things about us that are exactly as God created them to be, and we need to embrace those things instead of taking them for granted.  I am not a perfect person.  I may not do anything perfectly, but as a child of God, I am already perfect in His eyes.  I am perfect in His eyes because when He looks at me, He sees me through the blood of Jesus Christ, and every time I fail at something or do something wrong, it is covered with that blood.  God sees me as who He created me perfectly to be.  I see myself as who I am with all of my failures and imperfections, and I think, “If I could just try harder, people would appreciate me more.  If I could just be better, people would love me more.  If I could just not mess up…if I could just be ‘enough,’ everything in my life would be grand.”

I spent most of my life feeling like whatever I did, or whoever I am, was/is just not quite enough.  I was raised with the perspective that if you have the ability to do something, you should do it, and if you are going to do something, then you should always do it to the best of your ability.  That is a very good way of approaching life, but the portion that was never really taught or emphasized was the price you pay when that mindset goes to the extreme.  shutterstock_228054031For me it was never about materialistic things (possessions or money), and it still isn’t, but the mindset is still manifested in other ways.  I heard somebody tell a story about speaking with a very rich friend and he asked this friend, “How much is enough?”  The gentleman responded, “Just a little bit more. “  That sticks with me.  When working for a company, how much is enough effort?  When is it enough?  My answer has always been, “Just a little bit more.”  How much will you give before it is enough?  My answer has been, “I need to do just a little bit more because I have the ability to work more or give more.”   Remember, I have always believed that  if you have the ability and you are going to do something, do it to the best of your ability – to the maximum of your ability.  I have a lot of interests and things in which I engage.  I’m driven to do every single one of them to the “best of my ability.”  Luckily I’m fairly intelligent and creative, and I am able to juggle a lot of things at once (and I have done so over the course of my life).  I think if I CAN do all of these things and excel at them, then I SHOULD do them, because anything short of that is not enough.  Anything short of that means I’m failing.  It means I’m average and I don’t want to be average.  I want to be excellent.

People say I’m competitive, and I am.  But what most of them have never understood is it isn’t so much that I’m competitive with them; it’s that I’m competitive with myself.  If I know I have the ability to be the best or to be first, then I am upset if I’m not.  It’s not because someone else was first or deserved it; I’m upset because I failed when I knew I could have succeeded.  That’s a really hard expectation to live up to in life.  We put such extreme pressure on ourselves to succeed and be the best in everything we do or every time we touch something, that when we aren’t perfect, we see it as an abject failure.  The truth is we aren’t a failure, we are simply human.  It doesn’t matter that we may have things for which we have superb and sometimes unbelievably amazing skills.  There will still be times that we do not reach our full potential when we engage in them.  That doesn’t mean we failed!

shutterstock_219355915Doing things to the best of our ability (in the sense to which I am referring), comes with a price.  We need to start talking more about that price because it is often extremely high.  I’ve paid that price at times in my life because it seemed less costly than feeling upset or distraught when I think someone is disappointed in me.   I’ve paid that price at times because everything in me screams, “You have the ability to not disappoint them!”  It’s interesting how nothing in me ever screams, “They have unrealistic expectations!”  Nothing in me screams, “YOU have unrealistic expectations of yourself!”   Just because I can, doesn’t always mean I should.   Just because I can, doesn’t mean it’s the best for me.  Doing everything I CAN to the  best of my ability will drain me, wear me out, and eventually destroy me.  It will do the same to you.  I’m not saying we should be lazy or careless, but we look at anything short of perfection or giving more than we have as exactly those things.  And most of us don’t want to be seen that way.

So when is it enough?  I am certain I’m not the only one who struggles with the fact that “enough” always seems just barely out of reach.  It’s like I can touch it with my fingertips, but I can’t grab it.  As a result, I am often filled with anxiety, guilt, disappointment and even a feeling that I should be punished because I haven’t lived up to my potential.  Doing everything you can to the best of your ability shouldn’t mean doing it better than everyone else.  Most people would say they agree with that statement, but when you watch them, you often see people who are actually not content with the level of their ability.   Maybe it is better stated this way:  Do things to the best of you.  You need to be the best you in all ways – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  And the best “me” is the one that is healthy, peaceful and without continual stress, anxiety and emotional upheaval.   Living under the pressure of those latter traits is not an abundant life.  God said, “I came that they may have life, and that they may have it abundantly” (John 10:10).  Most of us say we want that, but maybe we really don’t.  Maybe I want everyone else’s approval more than I want an abundant life.  Maybe I want to live up to unrealistic expectations more than I want to live an abundant life, because doing so makes me feel superhuman. We (I) think the busier we are, the more valuable we are, but an abundant life isn’t frantic.  It also isn’t draining.  On the contrary, it is fulfilling.  An abundant life isn’t about being enough or doing enough.  It isn’t about trying to be enough;  it is in knowing you already are!  It is knowing that God already loves you completely – even as you are.  You don’t  have to (and can’t) do anything to earn it.  You can’t do anything to make Him love you more.   Your choices certainly determine your level of peace and blessings in life, but they aren’t going to make God love you anymore than He already does, because you are already “enough” in His eyes.  We need to stop trying to be and do enough.  The apostle Paul said, “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content” (Phil 4:11).  Contentment is peaceful.  It is not stressful.  It does not put such mental and physical stress on your body and mind that you cave in upon  yourself…because eventually you will  and it will come out somewhere.

shutterstock_227837773When is enough “enough?”  It is enough right now.  And when you start to struggle with the expectations of others, or more importantly of yourself, you need to step back and say, “I am a child of God, and in His eyes, through the blood of His Son, I am perfect…and I am enough.”  If I could step back and live contented with the knowledge and understanding that I am enough, then  it won’t matter what anyone else thinks of me or what they think my choices should be.  As long as I am following what I know God would have me to do, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  And if stepping back and simply doing what I am called to do causes loss in my life, then so be it…because letting go of the perspective that “enough” is “just a little bit more,” will free up space for us to grab and hold to those thing that make us realize we are more than enough.  Letting go of those things that are draining us (as scary or unsettling as that may seem), will free us from doing things to the best of our ability and leave it up to God to do things through us to the best of His.

Blessings!

To Cheat Or Not To Cheat

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shutterstock_200740298To cheat or not to cheat?  That is actually NOT the question!   With the end of the football season, comes a story that has had many people talking about the Patriots and football air pressure.   I think most of us would say that cheating is bad.  Cheating in a relationship is wrong.  Cheating on a test is wrong.  Cheating in a football game or other sporting event is wrong, and yet we have situations come up like this one with the Patriots last week where there seems to be a gray area.  Things become gray due to the opinions of people.  There is always “he said-she said” in any questionable situation, but the bottom line is there are rules.  There are guidelines, and if they’re broken, it’s wrong and there should be consequences.  I realize in “deflate-gate,” many people have come out (even in the NFL) and said every team does these kinds of things.  People have even discussed that the rule should be changed because it’s stupid and no one really abides by it.  They say it doesn’t matter because everybody bends it.  If the rules say that something has to be a certain way, then you don’t have the liberty to simply choose to arbitrarily change it on your own.

Is it ever right to do the wrong thing?  That question has been asked many times before.  We like to pick and choose when it’s ok to do the wrong thing, but that doesn’t actually make it ok.  We say it’s alright to steal if you are starving, but it isn’t.  Would most of us do it?  Yes.  Does that make it right?  No.  It really is black and white, even though we use our reasoning to turn it gray.   So why is this football story so huge?  Is it because the Patriots are one of the most disliked teams in the country (according to a recent poll)?  Probably.   Is it because people are irritated over the fact they ran up the score or are arrogant?   Possibly.   But does holding someone accountable to the stated rules make you a poor sport or sore loser?  No.   So then why is this such a big deal?  There are people starving all over the world.  We have people starving in our own country!  There are human rights issues all over the world.   We have a government that is out of control.  So how is THIS such a big story?   I think it speaks to something in many of us.

shutterstock_234987922Most of us have this thing about fairness and justice.  WE WANT JUSTICE!  Of course, we only want justice when it affects the other team or person.   We only want justice when it isn’t for something we have done.  When we mess up or do something wrong, or make a less than wise decision, we want mercy and forgiveness.  We want understanding and compassion from others, yet all too often we aren’t willing to give it.  So when we get stirred up over something someone else has done (or is doing), sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves why and consider the place internally from where it is coming.

When I look at the Patriots, although they may be one of the most disliked NFL teams, they are also one of the best.   They have skilled players who work together well.  They have achieved greatness in many areas as a team and so has Tom Brady as an individual.  They’ve been on top and they are on top again.  There’s something interesting about being on top:  the higher you climb, the bigger target you become.   When you’re good at something, you are going to be viewed with more scrutiny.  When you rise up, you must inevitably dodge the shots being taken at you.   And whether that’s right or wrong, or good or bad, it does remain a fact.  When you stand up and say “I’m going to lead,” or you step up and make yourself visible, you better be ready because things are going to happen.  My grandpa used to always say, “You can’t keep people from saying negative things about you, but you can make them liars.”  In other words, there are always people who are going to talk about you, and I will assure you if you are in a position of leadership, popularity or notoriety, people ARE going to criticize you.  They may all have different reasons for trying to knock you down, and whether or not it’s fair for you to be held to a different standard, you are.  WE are.  You don’t have the luxury of always doing the things that others are able to do.  There are things they can get away with for which you would be held accountable.

shutterstock_209920357So back to “deflate-gate” for a moment:  The Patriots are accomplished, winning and visible, and as a result they need to pay attention to details and do the right things even if no one else is.  As far as the pressure in the footballs, there should be no question at all.   You know what the rules are; abide by them.  Put yourselves and your team above reproach as much as possible, with the understanding that you are still going to get scrutinized over things.  The same thing holds true for us.  It’s hard to say you’re sorry when you’re not wrong.  It’s difficult to have to constantly evaluate things and say to yourself, “This is the situation, and if I do it the right way, it’s going to take me longer.  It’s going to cost me more in one way or another.  What should I do?”  It may wear on you over time, but that’s the choice you constantly have to make, because when you don’t, the smallest indiscretions will rise up in your world and become much bigger stories or scandals.  You can look to the right or left and you can watch people gossip, lie, cheat, steal, tear other people down, be manipulative, not care, not love others, not be a good neighbor and countless other things, but it doesn’t matter what they do.  It doesn’t matter because WE are called to love, care and forgive.  What does the Bible say is required of us?  “He has shown you what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly before your God.”  (Micah 6:8)  In Ecclesiastes 12:13 we are told, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”  We are to stand up for what is right, not in everybody else’s life, but in our own.   It is really easy to sit in judgment when someone else has done something wrong, but if you want to sit in judgment, then judge yourself.  We all like to look out the window but rarely want to look in the mirror.  Rest assured, none of us are perfect, and we all have things we should be working on.  But if you are going to hold true and stand up strong for something, just know you are going to be hit with a firestorm at one point or another.

shutterstock_228213685It can be really discouraging watching other people act like sharks during feeding time.  You can’t help but wonder, “What are they gonna get theirs?  When are they going to finally get in trouble?”  But that’s not your problem, and it’s not mine.  Quite frankly it shouldn’t even be our concern as people of faith.  God has promised to take care of us and meet all our needs, if we will simply focus on Him.  Instead of spending our time being so concerned about what should or shouldn’t happen to someone else, we should spend it making sure we are doing the right things.  Remember, the higher you go, and the harder you try to do what’s right with pure motives from a genuine heart, the more the sharks are going to try and feed.  The more you are going to be peppered with questions about rules that everybody else seems to bend.   The problem is, if you stoop down and decide to bend or break the rules, it will inevitably be YOU that is caught, because they certainly aren’t going to turn on each other.

So I hope the recent events cause us to reflect on these things and remember we are called to be different.  As people of faith, we are called to come up higher, but we should never do so unequipped. We need to make sure our armor is on and our shield of faith is lifted high, because often the battle really does come down to you and God, not against the world, but against yourself.  You can’t keep people from talking about you, but you have complete control over whether or not what they say is the truth.  Stand up and be strong.  Lean for support on those God has brought to your life that are of the same mindset and spirit.  Nobody ever said it was going to be an easy road, but we do know it is a victorious one.

Blessings!

When God Takes Your Fleece

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We are barely into 2015 and already it has been quite an interesting year.  Every once in a while we find ourselves in a position of specific consideration and decision around our life’s path.  Although it is certainly true that we are constantly making daily decisions that affect the direction of our journey, it is also true that sometimes we have to step back and look at things on a little bit larger scale.  This is the place I’ve found myself lately.   Recently there have been some things come up that have required much prayer and consideration regarding the place to which I believe I am called.  Potential changes in our paths, no matter when or how they present themselves, must always be seriously considered, especially when it pulls at the deepest desires of our hearts.

shutterstock_171929312Many of you who read or follow my blog know that I have a huge heart for service.  I feel very strongly about being true to the calling I believe is placed on my life, but sometimes that is much easier said than done.   It seems there have been junctions several times in my journey that would have taken my day-to-day life in a very different direction.  But at each decision point, I have genuinely tried to clear the voices of expectation, and the noise of emotions from my heart and mind, and simply listen to that still small voice within.  When we are able to do that, it makes our decisions much clearer and also makes it easier to stand strong when the inevitable doubts creep in.  We like to be certain of things in life.  We like to feel confident that what we are about to undertake is the “right” thing for us.  We want to move forward with assurance and a strength that will withstand the barriers that come any time we make a change.  It is interesting that even when we think we have reached this place of certainty, no matter how clear things have become, we still want a sign from God that we are leaning the right direction and that our decisions are correct.

There is a story in the Bible (Judges chapter 6) of a man named Gideon who struggled with the same things we do in our decision-making process.  God had already promised him the victory in an upcoming battle, but even a direct word from God was not enough to quell Gideon’s doubts and apprehension.  After all, this was a serious situation he was heading into!  So Gideon talked to God and asked Him for a sign to prove to him that what God told him earlier was the truth.   So he says to God, “If what you said is REALLY the truth, then I’m going to put a fleece on the ground tonight.  In the morning, I want you make it so the dew is only on the fleece but the rest of the ground is totally dry.  That way I will know for sure and can trust I’m doing the right thing.”  shutterstock_230866396So the next morning, God did exactly as Gideon had asked.  You’d think that would have been enough, but it wasn’t.   After all, maybe something happened and the fleece got wet some other way, or maybe there just wasn’t any dew at all that morning.   So he goes back to God and says, “Ok God, please don’t be angry with me, but just humor me for a moment.   I just need to test this one more time with the fleece.   I’m going to put it out again, but THIS time let the fleece be dry and all the ground around it wet.”   So God again did exactly what Gideon asked so that Gideon would finally move ahead with assurance.

I share that story with you because it’s important to understand that sometimes when we ask for a sign, God humors us and gives us one.  Unfortunately, we often react just like Gideon and reason away the sign even when it is the exact thing we said would make us certain.   So we ask again, and sometimes He gives us another sign at our request, but I can just see Him shaking His head in disappointment at our lack of trust in the direction He’s already provided us.  And then there are times, like I have experienced in the past week, when I think God has a sense of humor and simply removes our fleece altogether!   Let me explain…

I am not a “fleece” person under normal circumstances.  I learned long ago that as long as I silence my spirit and truly listen to my heart, I have the ability to discern the true and correct path I should walk.  But when I let other people or situations enter in and cloud the process, then I begin to doubt even the strongest pulling toward the true answer.   In other words, I don’t usually go to God and say, “Ok, I think this is the way I’m supposed to go, but if You would just do such and such, then I will know for sure.”  But this time around, I have to admit, I reached for the fleece.  I had reached a point where I felt I knew the answer for my path, but part of me was still being pulled toward something I desired.  As a result, I picked a fairly benign action to become not a sign, but a validation of what I thought I already knew.  Somehow that made my request for proof seem more reasonable.   As it turned out, the situation unfolded in a way that made it meaningless as a sign, and it made me chuckle audibly.  I shared what happened with a trusted friend who knew about my little fleece moment, and then I added, “I think God stole my fleece!”  Although humorous, it was also true.  After all, my validation indicator had basically disappeared.  I believe sometimes God removes our fleece in order to remind us the answers we seek are actually within us if we will just listen.

shutterstock_217585258Sometimes we are faced with decisions so important to us that we should not devalue them or make them less significant by relegating the outcome to needing proof.  The only proof we need is within us.  If we genuinely seek the truth, we will find it.  If we genuinely seek the path, it will be revealed.  And if we seek God and delight ourselves in Him, His word tells us He will give us the desires of our heart (Psalm 37:4).  The key is making sure our hearts are first turned to Him.  If they are, then we will be able to discern things in a much more peaceful and clear manner.  When my fleece disappeared, and I let go of my desire for validation, I found exactly what I needed.

To continue asking for proof when we already know the answer often leaves us paralyzed in a place of contemplation rather than being able to move forward.  When we throw down the fleece every time we need to make a decision, we regress to such a state of spiritual immaturity that God has to continually spoon-feed us in order for us to do anything at all.  We need to grow up and let go of our security blankets made of fleece.  We need to approach the intersections in our life’s journey with great consideration and care, and then be willing to step out in confidence…even if that “step” means not walking anywhere at all.

Blessings!