Detours Are Not Without Purpose

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Lately it seems my life has been touched with an abundance of intense and challenging situations.  Some of them have been in my literal physical world and some have been in my internal world.  It has brought an unusually large amount of stress into almost every area of my life.  My professional life, though good, has been filled with so many various stresses that it has caused me to step back and rethink many things and adjustments I need to make on that path.  My physical life has had things flare up that I need to address.  Even the normal respite of church-life has brought a state of discontent that has made me step back and look at things with a new set of eyes.  Professionally, physically and spiritually it feels as if I am traveling on some sort of detour in almost every realm.

vectorstock_1197417Think for a moment about your day to day travels and of the actual, real-life traffic detours you have encountered along the road.  If you are like me, you get frustrated and sometimes angry over the fact that you have been re-routed or slowed down.  I am irritated and if I am in a hurry it is even worse.  It just feels like I am losing so much time and yet those detours are necessary in spite of it all.  If I were allowed to continue on a path that has been closed for construction, there would not only be a greater delay in my journey, but I might not even make it through at all.

For most, we usually struggle with detours whenever they appear, constantly questioning whether we should continue on or follow an alternate path.  Only you can decide what to do but whatever it is proceed cautiously.  You are in a dangerous area and your senses need to be heightened in order to make it back to the main path of your journey.  footprintsThe detours I have taken in my life have allowed me to see meaning in the roads less traveled.  Detours cause us to search deep within ourselves to find what will fill our spirits personally and professionally.  They cause us to question the reasons we will not walk away. They allow us the opportunity to see new scenery and explore new options.  Eventually the detours on my journey brought me back full circle to the place I began but they did so with a new knowledge of who I was and what I was willing to accept.  It’s both confusing and comforting to see the path behind us as we journey forward.  It is also amazing to understand there is a certain knowledge that can only come from what seems to be the wanderings of our lives.

I am thankful for every detour I have had.  If it wasn’t for the detours and construction zones of my life, I would not be who I am today.  I would not have the understanding or empathy I have today for those around me who are trudging through detours of their own.  It is interesting to reflect on the situations in our life and see how different they look from the other side.  Things often make so much more sense when looking back but how can you possibly make sense from detours if you don’t endure the potholes and continue until you come out on the other side?  If you stop and sit down in the middle you may never get out.  You may end up broken down on the side of the pathway, damaged and distracted to a point it becomes nearly impossible to find your way.

shutterstock_114318994So as I proceed cautiously down the path before me, my desire is to do so with an awareness that allows me to grow and move in the directions I need to in order to arrive at the destinations that will fulfill me most.  It is my prayer that we all find peace with the twists and turns of our respective journeys and that we still find wonder in the steps along the way.  There is a purpose even in our seeming wanderings.  J.R.R. Tolkien said it best: “Not all those who wander are lost.”   What one person perceives as wandering might actually be one of the most important aspects of another person’s journey.  Let us be careful to honor not only the meaning of our own detours but also the ones of those around us.  Let us hold the light for others as they travel through the construction zones of their lives for we never know when we will need someone to hold the light for us.

Blessings!

Shelter the Innocent

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child_abuse_symSome of you may be aware that April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.  I was very fortunate and blessed to have had a childhood where I was loved and safe but many people I know personally were not as fortunate.  They endured terrible abuses of every kind and yet most of them have become some of the strongest people I have ever known.  It is a difficult thing to watch the people we know and love endure these scars in their lives but I have been inspired to see them come to places where they realize just how beautiful they are and have always been.  It is such a process but it is one that is well worth going through.  Healing never comes easily but it IS possible for it to come.

About a week ago, a song came to me in a matter of minutes as a result of reflecting on situations that some of the people I love have had to endure.  Since this is Child Abuse Prevention Month, I thought it fitting to share the lyrics with you so I have added them to the end of this post.  The song is titled, “The Mirror” and it speaks to what is seen when we gaze at our reflection.

shutterstock_92486212Children really are so innocent and need protecting.  We all hope they are raised in loving and caring homes, by good and loving parents but we also know that is not always the case.  It is our responsibility to step forward not only when we become aware of severe abuse but we should also pay closer attention to the children in our lives no matter where we encounter them.   They are a treasure and we should strive to be good examples to them in every way.  We need to love and encourage them whether they are “ours” or not.  We need to talk with them and listen to them and when there are concerns, we need to voice them!  We need to always remember what it felt like to be a child and how real our fears were to us, regardless of what any adult may have thought.  We need to be the ones who genuinely care and help lift them up to be all they can be.  It doesn’t matter where they come from or where they are.  Even if they come from seemingly wonderful homes, they can never have too many supporters and encouragers in this life.  Life can be hard no matter how old we are and I still have people in my life today who listened to me as a child.  I still go to them sometimes.  I still feel warmth and love from them to this very day and it strengthens me continually.

shutterstock_76099252So reach out to the children around you.  Be available.  It doesn’t take much for us to provide a rock to hold onto when their little worlds are crumbling.  It simply takes a willing heart and a few moments of time to make all the difference in the world.  Give them the greatest gift of life they could ever have.  Give them you.

Blessings!

The Mirror

Just a little child broken and abused.  Treated like a rag doll – utterly confused.  Focusing on nothing, she stumbles through the door and looks into the mirror as she hides there on the floor.

And she says, “Mirror mirror on the wall, why can’t I see someone pretty looking back smiling at me?  Will there ever be a time when the ugly finally fades and all the pain I’m living now turns into yesterday?”

Just another woman haunted by the past.  Survival left her empty ‘cause she had to grow so fast.  Afraid to trust another – afraid to ever tell that all she sees is ugly when she tries to see herself.

And she says, “Mirror mirror on the wall, why can’t I see someone worthy looking back smiling at me?  Will there ever be a time when the shame will fade away and all the pain I’m feeling now is lost in yesterday?

Down through the years, now when I look, I see I’m not defined by what they took.  And though there are scars, they’re beginning to fade.because I can see I am wonderfully made.

Now in the mirror on the wall, I can finally see someone beautiful and strong smiling back at me.  And should there ever come a time when the doubt begins to rage, I’ll let it go and turn my eyes away from yesterday.

The winds of change have carried me on the wings of love and grace to where I’m free to live beyond my world of yesterdays.”

© Deanna Kay O’Leary 2013

For more information on Child Abuse Prevention Month, please visit:

https://www.childwelfare.gov/preventing/preventionmonth/

http://www.brightfutures4kids.org/blue-ribbon-society/

“Out Of the Closet” Isn’t Always What You Think

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I recently shared some personal information about myself with my family and, subsequently, with the rest of my friends. It was something that up until now just wasn’t openly discussed. There have been a few people in my family with whom I talked about it in the past and I have had some amazing friends who have known and supported me for many years. Unfortunately because the stigma attached to mental health and brain chemistry issues is so great, it is a subject that required careful silence. My revelation: I have lived with bipolar disorder my entire life and was officially diagnosed in April 1994.

shutterstock_93702475We all have things in our respective “closets” that we are afraid of revealing. We are afraid it will so drastically change our world that we would rather live in hiding than risk upsetting what we already have. We are worried our families will struggle with the corners of our reality. We worry we will lose respect of the people in our professional lives. We fear that society will suddenly frame us in a different light and begin to judge us solely within that frame. WHY then would we ever want to come out into the light and fully show ourselves? Why would we want to open the door to areas within us that may cause people to walk away?

I have a faithful friend who, when I shared the news of my revealing with her, responded with a note filled with beautiful words. In it, she said something that resonated deeply within me. “Being open does not give other people power over you. It gives you power over you.” There exists such a wonderful truth in that statement. Coming out into the light of your truth will liberate and empower you. It will give you the ability to breathe more deeply because you aren’t constantly wasting your energy trying to shove things further into the dark. It will also allow you to more clearly recognize those beautiful people in your life who truly accept and love you as you are. It is not easy to come out of the closets in our lives, no matter what those particular closets might be. There is an endless list of things you might be hiding but there is one solution to it all. Turn on the light and throw open the door. Walk bravely out into the open and look around. You just may find there are many of your friends and family who embrace you in all your uniqueness. You already have the key. The question is whether or not you will use it.

shutterstock_110895386“Coming out” is a term that applies to much more than simply the one thing with which we commonly hear it associated. Revealing our true selves is a process of steps. We first show our truth to one or two people (or maybe even a few) that we know we can trust completely. We lean on them and use their support and acceptance to help us grow stronger. Then we begin to carefully unravel the layers of our selves to others in our world. We may come out to friends but not to our coworkers. We may come out to coworkers but not our families. We may come out to our families but not to others. It just depends on the situations in which we find ourselves. You see, there IS risk in revealing the things in our lives that we (or we assume others) consider to be unattractive, embarrassing or negative and it is not always appropriate to run wildly into the open shouting our truths. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when we cannot help but do so but we must remember there are also consequences we may face as a result. If I had revealed the truth of my bipolar brain chemistry in my professional world years ago, it would have become an albatross from which I might not have been able to escape. My position (and my particular division) was one that was not conducive to such revelations. My successes would have been eclipsed by the glaring judgments of many of my colleagues which would have undermined my ability to continue to be viewed as productive and successful. It is sometimes a difficult dance to maintain and the sad thing is it is a dance you will dance alone. The same holds true for any other realm (family, friends, etc). Depending on what your closet holds, you may find yourself dancing alone in the midst, trying to find a balance between revealing and surviving.

I have been overwhelmed by the positive and encouraging responses of the people in my life and am grateful beyond belief but there are still areas that have not been fully breached. It is a process but I will take it as it comes. For now, it is an unspeakable feeling of liberation and I am excited to see what God is doing and what path He is clearing before me.

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Often times, we THINK we are ready to walk the path before us but we continue to be faced with obstacle after obstacle. They are not here by chance. They are here to help us come to the place where we begin to see that the only requirement to being all we are created to be is to let go of who everyone else thinks we are. When we relinquish our need to always be in control, we will find there is a much greater power than ourselves clearing the path at exactly the right time, in exactly the right way. Honesty, truth, kindness and love…these are the great purifiers in our lives and refiners of our paths. Trust yourself. Embrace the truth and let the rest fall where it may. It is the only way to truly live.

Blessings!

To help fight the stigma of brain disorders, please visit any of the following links:

Settling For What?

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Life is an amazing adventure but it was never meant to be one we simply speed through, grabbing all we can get. At the same time, there is a fine line between grabbing all we can get and settling for less than we deserve. When we “settle,” we miss out on the very essence of the beauty and power of our lives. This isn’t to say your life cannot still have a tremendous effect on those around you but it will certainly never have the full effect it was meant to have. When you settle, you not only rob yourself of blessings but you will rob all of the people whose journeys you cross in this life. There are people all around us, including ourselves, that are guilty of settling. shutterstock_71521108Each of us is unique, with unique talents and abilities. We all have dreams that we believe in our hearts we can achieve. What is it that makes us stop pursuing them? For some, there is a mix of priorities that change the course of their journeys. There are some who may have individual dreams that are overshadowed by the dreams of home and family. Please don’t misunderstand; I am in no way saying that those individuals who choose to have families cannot follow their dreams. The two can co-exist, there is just so much more to consider. What I am saying is that each turn of our journey brings new adventures and sometimes those turns prevent us from reaching particular goals. When this happens, it isn’t necessarily “settling” because as we grow and change so do our goals in life.

Settling is a reference to those times on our journey when we know we are capable of so much more but we stop short because of the critics in our lives. We give up on the things that the truest part of our spirit needs in order to thrive because someone has told us that to pursue our dreams, or our ideas of what is reasonable to have, is selfish and should be abandoned so that others can achieve theirs. Let me ask you a question. If that were a truth that should be adhered to, wouldn’t every single person be giving up what their heart desires in order that someone else could have the right to also give up their own? We would all be sacrificing for each other in vain because no one would be able to achieve the desires of their heart. What a ridiculous and futile process that would be.shutterstock_111760601 It is not selfish to pursue your dreams. It is not selfish to believe that your life can be more than it is at this moment. It isn’t wrong to follow what your spirit knows to be true. You are here for a purpose. I believe, in the quiet moments of our lives, we know what we are supposed to be doing, where we are supposed to be and with whom we are supposed to share it. Instead of following those truths, we settle for jobs that make us miserable because it pays the bills. We settle for relationships that stunt our growth because it’s easier than letting go. We settle for things far less than what our Heavenly Father intended for us to have and to be. I am not advocating pursuing our dreams at any expense, but I am fully embracing the idea of stepping out on faith when we have those moments of clarity that present us with the knowledge that there is something else we need to be doing.

God help us if we believe life is truly something to be endured instead of something to revel in. I dare say that none of us would want the children in our lives to settle for anything less than what they are able (and were meant) to be. Why then do we want our parents, spouses, friends and especially ourselves to settle for less? As people of faith, we have a God who wants us to live abundantly. He wants us to be happy, healthy and productive so why should I fear the path before me? Why shouldn’t I run leaping through the door into the realm of possibilities? There is no good reason I can find and yet I still hesitate at times. Fear takes hold and I am reminded of my responsibilities, commitments and my own mortality. I am blinded by this world’s cares and I surrender to the safety of the known rather than soaring into the open sky of my dreams. I would venture to say I am not the only one who sometimes finds themselves on the edge of clarity and greatness but shudders at the thought of leaping.

shutterstock_82458775Greatness will not come in our actions until it first comes in our thoughts. What we think, we become. If we spend our lives thinking we are weak or incapable of achieving greatness, then it is true. If we think our dreams are impossible, then they are. If we think all we have right now is all we will ever have, then it is! Sometimes we live our lives trying to protect what we already have instead of letting go and reaching for the greatness that exists within each of us. Settling is much different from contentment. Settling is giving up; contentment is letting go. Settling is admitting defeat and allowing circumstances to convince you this is the best it’s ever going to be. Contentment is courageously pursuing your true calling while having peace with the timing of the circumstances. The apostle Paul said, “I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in every situation, whether well-fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Phil 4:11-13)

power to changeSo stand strong and be courageous in the pursuit of your dreams. Don’t settle for what others think you should be, do or have. Be who YOU are. Do what YOU are called to do. Live YOUR purpose! And when you are willing to do those things you will find you have all you need to achieve more than you could ever dream!

Blessings!

Love As He Loved!

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shutterstock_132424436We have just come through the Easter Season where many people of faith celebrate the resurrection of their Savior and King. I realize it is not always popular to believe in the truth of God’s word, especially in a society that has made the ridicule of “Christians” the only remaining acceptable ridicule. Jokes and vitriolic statements toward Christ, or those who believe in Him and practice their faith in His teachings, is accepted by most. And if, by chance, there should there be any outrage expressed, it is immediately dismissed as overreacting or invalid. If there is any other vitriol spewed at any other race, religion or creed, it is regarded as completely unacceptable and it should be! I simply believe that the same outrage should apply when the vitriol is directed at those who follow Christ.

Every group of people in life, no matter what they are called or what their common bond may be, has people who are narrow-minded, mean-spirited, discriminatory and hypocritical. As a person of faith, I do not like to call myself a “Christian” because more often than not I fail to truly act Christ-like. More often than not, I can identify with the Apostle Paul when he said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do but what I hate, that I do… For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:14-25) I know all too well that I am just a sinner saved by grace. I need God’s grace and mercy every moment of my life and when I remember who I am and who HE is, I don’t have time to judge anyone else. It doesn’t mean I agree with everything else going on around me or the choices of the people around me but it does mean I understand that the same God who loved ME so much that He was wiling to endure the unthinkable and die the most cruel and terrible death so I didn’t have to, is the same God who loves every other person just as deeply. If that isn’t the great equalizer, I don’t know what is! I’ve heard people of faith say, “If I was the ONLY person on the earth, He would have still come and died just for me because He loves me personally.” I couldn’t agree more but He loves us all the same. His word tells us He is “no respecter of persons.” shutterstock_74446510One sin is not worse than another and He does not love one person more than another. Religion does not like to hear that truth proclaimed because religion is man-made and divides things into compartments. Religion is subjective and conditional but God is NOT! Our human nature tries to tell us that one “wrong” deed, word or thought is worse than another because if that is the case, we can make ourselves feel better by saying, “I’m not as bad as that person.” I hate to break it to you but “that person” is not the measuring stick! It’s easy for us to understand that God can love us, but we find it hard to understand that He loves the “worst” person on the earth exactly the same way! We, as people of faith, need to remember that He sacrificed everything not only for us, but for ALL. Do you know who was drawn to Christ? The sinners, the criminals, the rejected, the poor and anyone else that society (or religion) has turned away from or persecuted. Do you know why they were drawn to Him? Because He IS love! He loved them and did not treat them differently than anyone else. He didn’t condone their misdeeds, but He ate with them, talked with them and loved them through it. Religious people today have made themselves an increasingly easy target for ridicule because they have forgotten who they/we are and who God is.

shutterstock_118936651For those of us who try to live by our beliefs, it is heartbreaking and injurious when we are ridiculed for our faith. We know we are not perfect but neither is anyone else. True people of faith are more likely to forgive than to kick and scream about the wounds inflicted but please don’t mistake our silence for an absence of pain or as permission to continue to inflict injury. Not all people of faith are narrow-minded, mean-spirited, discriminatory and hypocritical. We are not stupid and we are not weak. And when we lose our way and become like the Pharisees of old, please forgive us. When we spew vitriol at others, forgive us. We, like you, are a work in progress.

So as we celebrate the One who died for us and then rose again to conquer sin and death, let us return to our “first love.” There is a God and He loves you. He died to save not only your eternal life, but your day to day life on this earth. He wants only for us to trust Him with our entire selves and to follow His leading day to day. He is someone who is with us when the world turns its back. He wraps His arms around us when we are lonely, hurt, or sad and mends our wings so we can fly again. He wants us to live an abundant life but will not allow us to have more than we can handle. It never ceases to amaze me that I have access to the absolute essence of love and power every moment of my life.

Cayucos Sunset

He paid the ultimate price with His own life so that I might have an abundant life on this earth, and an eternal peace with Him one day. I did nothing and He did everything. I stand in awe of what He has done which then drives me to my knees in gratitude for the gift of life He gave me through the sacrifice of His own. He lives! He lives! Praise God He lives!

Blessings!