Declare YOUR Independence!

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shutterstock_131890916Today is July 4th, and for the USA our “Independence Day.” There will be BBQs, celebrations and, as always, lots of fireworks!  Most people are off work and even if they don’t celebrate, they at least get to enjoy an extra day of rest from the normal routine.  But tomorrow is July 5th and most people will wake up and simply go on with their lives as they did on July 3rd, with no different sensation or without a new (or renewed) perspective.  We simply clean up the mess from the celebration and don’t think twice about our independence again until another year goes by.  I can’t help but think how much this mirrors so many other things in our lives.

Life presents us with so many challenges and struggles, and there are days when we feel like we are at the end of our proverbial ropes!  We tend to think all these struggles are a result of outside forces but most often it is a result of our choices in how we deal with those forces.  We make choices to continue to live under the oppression of our circumstances because it is easier to stay in the familiar rather than to step out into the unknown and make a change.  These changes can be something major like moving to a new place, ending a bad relationship, leaving a job that is sucking the life out of you…or it can be something smaller like changing your diet, keeping your house clean or following through on a commitment to take a few minutes of every day to be still.  The point is that changes are never easy, and if you want to declare your independence from your circumstances, you must be willing to pay the price.

shutterstock_52266859Many of you may not enjoy history, but stay with me for a few moments.  Trust me; I have a point in relating this to you.  There are some very interesting things about our Declaration of Independence that most people overlook.  It was not a document that was drafted and signed in one day.  It reflected a period of time that was complex and challenging.  The Boston Tea Party revolt happened in 1773 when people finally had their fill of the oppression they were under.  They got angry and rose up in a very symbolic manner and said “We’ve had ENOUGH!” The tensions, however, continued to exist and in 1775 there was the “shot heard round the world” that started the Revolutionary War at Lexington and Concord.  The Declaration of Independence was drafted in 1776 and adopted on July 4th though it wasn’t signed on that day.  The signing ceremony took place almost a month later on August 2nd, but it still wasn’t completely signed by everyone at that time.  It traveled from place to place during the years of the war, being rolled and unrolled each time it was needed to be referenced again.  It wasn’t until 1781 that the last person signed his name to the document, and it wasn’t until 1783 that Britain officially acknowledged the United States as a sovereign and independent nation.

The reason I share that with you is because I see a similar pattern in our lives today.  Circumstances can be powerful if we allow them.  Whatever problem or circumstance is oppressing us in our personal lives, we find it easier to just keep “drinking the tea” than to take a stand against it.  It may be a miserable existence, but at least it is familiar.  shutterstock_181343867We do this constantly; we stay in situations or patterns in our lives that we say we want to be different, but we just aren’t willing to do what it takes to make it different.  We become victims not out of powerlessness, but because of cowardice.  But then there comes a time for many of us where we, too, have “had enough,” and we rise up within ourselves, committing to make a change for the greater good of our lives.  We have that moment (often by ourselves) where we hit bottom and decide the pain of staying where we are is greater than the pain of fighting and risking it all in order to gain freedom.  We are energized and full of purpose.  We may even feel like heroes for a moment, but then the moment fades and we must make a choice.  We must choose to be committed or forfeit the cause.  Just look at these parallels:

  • It took one year and four months from the night of the tea party for the “shot heard round the world” to ring out and officially begin the Revolutionary War.  For almost a year and half there was tension and escalation of anger at a situation that we knew needed to be changed, but just didn’t see happening. Similarly in our own lives, we often rise up initially from a place of strong emotion at the things weighing us down. Over time, that frustration and despair may increase as we fight and try to change things, but it feels like nothing is really happening.  It is this frustration and sense of purpose that drives us forward toward a greater commitment.
  • From the start of the war, it was another year and three months before the Declaration of Independence was adopted, though it was not completely signed until 1781.  In our lives, when we start down a path of change, we often have to fight for a while before we can even articulate our “declaration of independence” from what is oppressing us.  Even though we may have an underlying purpose, we fight first from a place of desperation or anger but over time (if we continue), we are able to reach a point where we can actually articulate that purpose.  And sometimes, that “declaration” of what we are fighting for isn’t finalized for a while.
  • It took almost seven years from the adoption of the Declaration to the point where Britain officially recognized the USA as a sovereign country.  Just because you make a declaration of independence from something doesn’t mean it will instantly be recognized.  The declaration is your purpose, but your commitment to seeing that purpose or calling to fruition may be a long and difficult journey.  It may be years before you (or other people) can see validation of your declaration but that validation only happens if you don’t give up!  And remember, the document travelled around for years, being unrolled any time it needed to be referenced.  During your fight, you may need to go back to your own “declaration” from time to time to remind yourself of the reason you are fighting.
  • It was 10 years from the time of the Tea Party to the time the war was finally over.  During that period, there was great loss of life and property, but the purpose and mission was so important that we pressed forward with our eyes on the final result.  Did we know for certain things would turn out in our favor?  Of course not, but we BELIEVED it would!  It is that belief that kept us fighting.  It is that belief that made us willing to sacrifice whatever necessary to obtain freedom.  The same holds true for us in the battles we face.  We may not have the certainty of victory guaranteed to us, but if we believe our calling is true – or that our purpose of change is a worthy one – then we can fight on in the face of whatever comes!

shutterstock_188948975Life is not easy and liberty comes with a price.  If you want to escape the tyranny of your circumstances, then the underlying key is to believe!  Our Heavenly Father tells us we are already “more than conquerors” over whatever is thrown at us in life.  So what do you need to do?

  1. BELIEVE
  2. Reach a point where you’ve had enough and rise up
  3. Fight for your purpose, even if you can’t yet find the words to explain it to someone else.
  4. Declare your independence from your circumstances
  5. Fight for as long as it takes, even if the world does not yet recognize your freedom or autonomy.

We do not have to live under the tyranny of our oppressors – those things we need to change in our lives.  We can be FREE, but just as with our nation’s history, freedom comes with a price.  Let us rise up and be committed in our lives to paying the price…because when we are willing to believe and sacrifice, then we are already free!

Blessings!

Summertime and the Livin’ is…

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shutterstock_125617796It’s hard to believe we are already heading into the traditional months of summer, yet here we are!   As a singer, I can’t help but think of the song “Summertime” when we reach this time of the year, though I’m not always sure we can all say the livin’ is easy.  Regardless of what actual season we are in, we have seasons to our lives as well.  Sometimes those seasons bring great times of abundance, and sometimes the seasons bring times of want/need.   In spite of this reality, we actually can live above our circumstances or in spite of our “seasons.”

Summertime is traditionally viewed as a time filled with fun and relaxation.  The daylight lasts longer, people take vacations, kids are out of school and there is an abundance of activities in which we can engage and enjoy.  Aside from the heat in some places, there’s not much to keep us from doing anything we want.  Wintertime, on the other hand, often prevents us from feeling quite as free to enjoy life.  shutterstock_182019791The weather is cold or wet, and it gets dark early so there’s less time for being outside, even if you can stand the elements.  Life is much the same way.  When the “weather” of life’s circumstances turns dark and cold, we have a choice in how we react to it.  We can bundle up and trudge out into it, determined to get where we are going, or we can snuggle up inside our homes and ride out the storm.  What we do NOT need to do is run out into the elements without any protection!  As children of God, we have the ability to lay back and rest in His arms and trust Him to take care of us no matter how the circumstances may appear.  He is our protection and has promised to work everything out for our good.  Sometimes the winters of our lives exist to help us reduce the frenetic pace of our lives and slow down.  In the “winter” of life, we are faced with difficulties that remind us our true power lies in letting go of our need to control everything.  Winter takes us down, sometimes against our will, but it sets the stage for the eventual summer that is just around the corner.

shutterstock_116510107Summer is, in fact, a wonderful time for most people.  I actually prefer the dreariness of storms and winter, but I love the longer days of summer and all that comes with them.  That being said, just because summer is here doesn’t guarantee the “livin’ is easy.”   When things are going well in our lives, we tend to be happier, more peaceful and even more content.  We are quick to praise God for His blessings and our faith seems to be stronger than ever, but as time goes on it becomes easier and easier to forget that all we have is a blessing from our Heavenly Father.  We start relying on our own abilities and strengths and even forfeit our time with God because we feel less and less need for Him.  After all, things are going great, right?  I don’t say this to pass judgment but to point out that we are ALL human and we ALL fall into these same patterns as believers.  And when we reach the point where we begin to think more highly of ourselves than we ought (Romans 12:3), we will quickly find ourselves in the midst of another storm that brings us back to our knees.

Like the apostle Paul, we need to learn how to live in times of plenty and abundance just as much (or even more so) than living in times of need.  In our times of need, we cling to God.  We refocus our priorities and get back to what is important.  We simplify our world as much as possible because we don’t have much of a choice.  Times of need have a tendency to bring us back to our true center much more than times of plenty.  In times of abundance, our human nature is to become complacent and comfortable.  We rely on our own self-sufficiency and lean less and less on God.  We are blessed with material gain but that gain soon becomes the reason we don’t have time to spend in study and prayer with the One who created us.  There is nothing wrong with material gain and it is not bad to abound!  God WANTS us to have a truly abundant life but that abundance comes through our faith and trust in Him and not in ourselves.   It comes in the peace and joy of knowing God is in control and is working everything out for our good, whether our circumstances seem “good” or “bad” to us.  If we can learn, like the apostle Paul, how to be constant and stable whether in times of plenty or of need, THAT is when our lives become filled with abundance.

shutterstock_150252494The actual season of summer is upon us and I pray it is a beautiful time for everyone.  But more than that, I pray it becomes a reminder that just because the sun is shining, doesn’t mean we should forget the storms we have weathered or the “winter” storms those around us may be trudging through.  Let us open our hearts and allow the summertime to remind us that even when the livin’ seems easy, the difficulties and pain our Heavenly Father endured for us to enjoy the warmth of the good times in life, cost Him more than we can comprehend.

Blessings!

A Special Request

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shutterstock_176623409Sometimes life can really throw us curveballs…and these days I often feel like I am definitely having trouble with the curve!  We all have times when it seems as if the challenges keeps pouring down over our heads to the point we truly think we might drown. When these times hit us, it is easy to lose sight in the storms and start thinking there’s just no way we can make it through.  We get frustrated, overwhelmed or just downright depressed.  Even if we try to keep ourselves going in public, we privately find it hard to even catch a breath.  Trouble and challenges find us no matter how much we try to avoid them.  We can certainly make ourselves vulnerable to more difficulties through our choices, but sometimes all the things we see as difficulties are really a chance for us to grow.  Yeah, I know.  I don’t like the fact that’s the truth either!

Many of you have read my most recent book titled “How We Said Goodbye.”  Though it was the story of the journey I made with my friend Annette, in it I also shared the circumstances surrounding my dear friend Sandy and how cancer reared its ugly head in her world a couple of years ago.  It has been an amazing journey with all kinds of treatments since that time, but she has done better than I think most of us expected.  With each new round of treatments there was potential for all kinds of negative and debilitating effects and yet she sailed through with relatively minor issues.  It has been an unspeakable blessing to have seen the progress she has made over the past couple of years.  In January, Sandy was pronounced to be “radiologically” cancer free.  You can imagine the excitement we all felt at such great news after such a difficult journey!  And then it happened….

Sandy had a scan in April that revealed recurrence of her cancer that is necessitating yet another, potentially very extensive, surgery.  In addition to the surgery, the doctors will be performing an IORT procedure (Intra-Operative Radiation Therapy) while she is in the operating room.  It is an amazing procedure where they are able to move vital organs aside while the surgical wound is still open and pinpoint the radiation therapy directly on the site of the cancer.  This may turn out to be a great help to her prognosis.  We are certainly hoping so.

d sandyBecause Sandy really hates the limelight, I realize I might get slapped by her for what I’m about to say, but right now she has no control over my fingers so…here I go.  Anyone who knows Sandy or has been around her at all over the past couple of years will tell you she really is one “tough old broad!”  I’ve always known and seen what an amazingly strong person she is, but this journey has proved just how right I was.  But with Sandy, it’s more than just strength…it’s grace.  I’m not saying she doesn’t have moments now and then when things get to her, but to listen to her talk, she has a faith that surpasses that of what most of us claim to have – especially in times of trouble.  She may be human, but she continually looks at the blessings her Heavenly Father has given to her or provided for her during this very difficult time instead of looking at all the things she has to deal with.  It isn’t platitudes or clichés; it is a palpable, authentic trust and gratitude for God’s  love and care for her and her family.  She doesn’t wear rose-colored glasses and she knows exactly what she has been (and is) up against, but she truly lives what she believes…even when she thinks she is caving just a little bit.

Sandy and her family are a family of true faith.  She and her husband (who happens to be a Pastor) have raised their four daughters with great love.  They’ve not had to use words to teach their children (or those around them) what it means to live according to God’s word because they’ve taught them (and us) through their actions.  It is this very rational, logical faith and trust in God that is continuing to sustain them now just as it always has.  To me, that is a beautiful example of what it means to have peace in the midst of the storm.

shutterstock_192108185So speaking of storms and the ones raging around me right now, I suppose it’s time for me to take note of all the blessings in my own life instead of getting so distracted by the wind and waves that seem like they will overtake me.  If Sandy can raise the sails in her storm and harness the wind, I can certainly do better at doing the same in my own.   And as she approaches surgery this Friday, May 23rd at 7:30 a.m., I am asking those of you who are willing, to join us in prayer for Sandy, her family and her medical team (Dr. Nakakura, Dr. Gottschalk and their staff).   Anything is possible and we choose to believe that our Father truly is working things out for His glory and our ultimate good.  The short path is not always what we want to travel, but the reality is we can all breathe easier knowing we are resting in the palm of His hand.

Blessings…and thank you.

Forgive me for my rant….

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shutterstock_144638720I am human…and this post proves there are times when I don’t feel very happy or inspirational. It seems like sometimes the things that are most personal to us get stirred up in new ways.  Lately there has been an over-abundance of baby-related things in my world and, quite frankly, I’m a little tired of it.  There have been babies being born everywhere I turn, and although I am TRULY happy for these families and mom’s, I sometimes find myself thinking “If I have to listen to one more story or look at one more picture, I am going to scream!”  Yep, I know that sounds selfish.  Yep, I know I should remember they are just sharing their excitement.  I even got to be involved with some of the situations recently and they were great blessings to me.  Unfortunately, I am suffering from a little bit of overexposure.  What follows is just my opinion and how I see things.  Others may disagree and that’s fine.  I’m just sharing one perspective on a very complicated societal issue.

There is a debate that has been going on for years between people who have children and people who don’t.  Companies are often more flexible with schedules for those who have children than those who don’t.  Family friendly policies, even though I agree with them, do put people without children at a disadvantage.  It is not only acceptable, but encouraged, for parents to take time off or make arrangements to attend school programs or meetings for their children.  They say it’s important (and it is) and they need to be able to attend.  I have no problem with that, however, what about things that are important to the childless?   We have lives too, and just because someone doesn’t have children doesn’t mean they should be expected to work harder, stay later or give up what’s important to them outside of work.  Contrary to popular belief, we aren’t “free” to drop everything at a moment’s notice either.  Just because we don’t have children doesn’t mean our days are more leisurely or less filled with activity than those who do.

shutterstock_157009427My husband and I were unable to have children of our own, and the adoption process proved to be so expensive and mentally taxing that we decided against it.  We looked at surrogates and infertility options, but in the end decided that having children of our own was just not a path we were supposed to walk.  It was a painful decision, and although we don’t have kids, I have tried to stay neutral on the subject up until this point.  Mostly, I never wanted to be perceived as one of “those” women who couldn’t handle people around them having children.  I’ve swallowed my pain and attended countless baby showers.  I’ve spent countless dollars on gifts for birthday parties, graduations, and other milestones for kids we know…yes, sometimes because it is expected.  I’ve put on a brave face when coworkers have paraded their children through the office or brought their newborns in for a first visit. I’ve listened to pregnant women go on and on about their bodily functions or the “woes” of pregnancy as I tried to be polite and supportive when sometimes I just want to say “shut up.”   I’ve dealt with the sadness that comes when I’ve had friends move on to having children and then no longer have time for me.  I’ve felt left out in my own family because everyone else was able to have kids, and then they developed a bond around shared experiences with them.   I’ve sat quietly in a group of people who are talking about all the things their kids are involved in or telling funny stories about things the kids have done.  I’ve tried to engage in the conversations but eventually just get up and walk away.  Recently I’ve even watched friends becoming grandparents, and now I get to relive the exclusion all over again.

shutterstock_135260795Mother’s day is bittersweet for me.  I am so grateful for my own mother but it is also a reminder of the fact I will never have someone call me “Mom.”   Our church takes time every Mother’s Day to honor all the women of our church, whether they have children or not.  I have to admit, I don’t like it at all.  I understand the thought process that only honoring mothers can cause hurt feelings in those who are unable to have children or have other situations that make it difficult, but I just see things differently.  First of all, it’s MOTHER’S Day, not Women’s Day.  It doesn’t make me feel better to stand up and be recognized just because no one wants to offend those who are childless for whatever reason.  It makes me feel uncomfortable.  It makes me feel like everyone is looking at me with some kind of pity…like including someone just to keep them from feeling bad.  So instead of feeling honored, I feel embarrassed, and the worst part of it is that I can’t even step outside for a moment while it is going on because I know I will be labeled as one of “those” women who are oversensitive to the issue.  I suppose it’s a catch 22, but in my opinion, if you want to pick a day to honor all women, do it on another day.

I guess it’s all just been harder lately, which has made me realize even more just how much of an outcast I feel sometimes because of the fact I don’t have children.   I’m tired of hearing things like:

  • “If you had kids you’d understand.”
  • “It must be nice to have time to do whatever you want to do.”
  • “Now that I have kids, my life finally has such meaning.”
  •  “You think you’re (whatever)? Try having kids!”

I have always loved working with kids and I always thought I’d have some of my own.   I am thrilled for the people around me who have been able to experience motherhood and fatherhood, and really do love seeing the precious little beings they’ve brought into this world.  I’m not bitter and, over the years, have found ways to embrace the advantages to not having children.  And yes, there certainly are some!  My point is that our society still seems to look down on people who do not have children, like somehow we are defective or selfish.  It is so important to remember there are just as many facets to being childless as there are to being parents.  The reasons for being childless are not as simple as either not wanted kids or not being able to have them.  It is a much deeper, much more personal and complicated situation that has its own set of joys and pains.  And to view us as being less complete, less of a family, or less loving because we don’t have children is one of the greatest pains of all.

shutterstock_182363273So back to my recent baby overload…this too shall pass and I will be back to attending showers and birthday parties just like I always have.  Give me some time and I’ll be glad to listen to stories of every little thing your kids do or say.  Believe it or not, I really AM interested.  It’s just that sometimes…just sometimes… I simply need a little time to step away and wash the salt back out of the wound.

Blessings!

Where You’re Meant To Be

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shutterstock_112372160It seems a lot of people have the questions, “Where am I supposed to be?”  or “ What am I supposed to do?”  We all seem to struggle to find our niche.  We try this and we try that, and as a result, some things work and some things don’t.  But then there are moments (and I would say that most of us have had them) where we are engaged in something and everything seems right.  It can be anything.  It can be teaching, singing or working in an office.  It could be playing a sport.  It could be doing volunteer work.  It really could be anything, but when you’re doing it, you KNOW it is exactly what you’re supposed to be doing.  The planets seem to align in perfect harmony.  Webster’s dictionary defines the word harmony as “a balanced, pleasing or suitable arrangement of parts.”  These are the moments when we actually feel everything come together, and you hear your soul whisper (or maybe even scream) “THIS is what I want to do” or “THIS is where I am called to be!”  For most of us, we have these moments, but then they pass and we walk away and go back to our day-to-day lives, doing whatever it is we do.  These are the times we need to stop, step back and listen to the voice deep within.  When I get up in the morning I often ask myself, “Am I where I’m supposed to be?  Am I doing what God called me to do?”   Many times, the answer is “no,” but why is that so?

Why is it that most of us would (on most days) say we are not doing what we are called to do?  Why would we say we don’t know for certain if we have the right job, or wonder if we are pursuing the right things in life?  Most of the time we are like little wind-up cars, running aimlessly until we hit a wall and then bouncing off and going another direction.  We are always moving, but our direction is based on whatever circumstance we run into.  If we have a good day at work or home, then we feel ok with the path we are walking.  But if we have a bad day, then we start thinking we must be going the wrong way.  We make our living doing “whatever pays the bills” and then wonder why we feel unfulfilled at the end of the day.

I have known since I was about 13 exactly what I am supposed to be doing.  I felt a pull toward things that were (and still are) my destiny.  Sure, I’ve veered from the path at times, and sometimes I’ve avoided taking chances because of my fears of the unknown, but I’ve also honored those things I felt compelled to do no matter where I was at the time.  See, sometimes we find areas – pockets – in our daily routines where we can fulfill our calling even if it isn’t something we are doing full-time.  Although some may view this as selling out, I don’t.  I believe nothing happens by chance, and often we are exactly where we need to be in order for us to learn what is necessary to graduate to the next level of our calling.  No matter where I am (or where you are), God is always working to bring you to the next level in life.   I have had a career in an industry I probably wouldn’t have chosen if I had thought it through, yet I have been blessed beyond measure by the professional journey I have taken.shutterstock_88633219  Do I believe I embarked on the journey that God intended for me?  No.  I followed what made sense to my human reasoning, but God, as He always does, turned my mistake into something that was beneficial for me. Just because we take the wrong turn sometimes doesn’t mean we can’t get back on track.  It may take longer, but the detour is not without purpose.  I made it a point, from the beginning of my career, to make my job about the people I was serving.  I took an impersonal industry and made it personal for me.  I always tried to live my calling within the confines of the choices I had made.   Yes, my choices confined me, but God still allowed me opportunities to live my calling within my environment.  He allowed me to do it through professional connections and personal relationships.  He gave me opportunities to connect on a deeper level with people, and I took those opportunities to heart.  As a result, I have enjoyed blessings most would think impossible.   And to top it off, God eventually brought me to a company where I have been free to live my calling within my career in ways I’ve never experienced before.  I could not be more grateful.  For now, I am where I am supposed to be, even though I continue to feel a call to deeper service.

If you remember nothing else I’ve said, remember this:  Your calling is who you are, and the answer to the question “Where am I meant to be” is not a location.  Where you’re meant to be is a state of mind and heart.  And until you get where you’re meant to be on the inside, you are going to continue to wander on the outside.  Until you can live your calling in spite of your circumstances, or within the confines of your circumstances, you will not be able to live it no matter the circumstances.  It has to be in every beat of your heart.  It has to be such a part of you that it’s like breathing and you can’t live without doing it.  And once you can’t live without doing it, you’ll do it wherever you are.  When it reaches that point on the inside, then I believe God opens up opportunities for us to engage outwardly more in those things IF we are willing to follow (and that’s a big “if”).  Doors will open IF we are willing to go…or in some cases, willing to stay.  It is all about what we are willing to do.

shutterstock_143697373Where you’re meant to be is much deeper than where you work, who you’re married to, where you go to church or anything else in which you engage. It is more than just trying to find a path that fits what you want to do.  It is about paying attention to those times of perfect harmony on the inside when you have clarity on exactly what you are called to do and then being committed to living it wherever you find yourself.  Don’t wait for a better situation or the “right” opportunity for you to be who you are meant to be.  Follow your heart right now!  Do what you are called to do…even if you have to get creative in making it fit wherever you are.  If you will do that, you might just find that BEING who you are called to be is the key to knowing WHERE you are meant to be.

Blessings!