Category Archives: Perspective

To Cheat Or Not To Cheat

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shutterstock_200740298To cheat or not to cheat?  That is actually NOT the question!   With the end of the football season, comes a story that has had many people talking about the Patriots and football air pressure.   I think most of us would say that cheating is bad.  Cheating in a relationship is wrong.  Cheating on a test is wrong.  Cheating in a football game or other sporting event is wrong, and yet we have situations come up like this one with the Patriots last week where there seems to be a gray area.  Things become gray due to the opinions of people.  There is always “he said-she said” in any questionable situation, but the bottom line is there are rules.  There are guidelines, and if they’re broken, it’s wrong and there should be consequences.  I realize in “deflate-gate,” many people have come out (even in the NFL) and said every team does these kinds of things.  People have even discussed that the rule should be changed because it’s stupid and no one really abides by it.  They say it doesn’t matter because everybody bends it.  If the rules say that something has to be a certain way, then you don’t have the liberty to simply choose to arbitrarily change it on your own.

Is it ever right to do the wrong thing?  That question has been asked many times before.  We like to pick and choose when it’s ok to do the wrong thing, but that doesn’t actually make it ok.  We say it’s alright to steal if you are starving, but it isn’t.  Would most of us do it?  Yes.  Does that make it right?  No.  It really is black and white, even though we use our reasoning to turn it gray.   So why is this football story so huge?  Is it because the Patriots are one of the most disliked teams in the country (according to a recent poll)?  Probably.   Is it because people are irritated over the fact they ran up the score or are arrogant?   Possibly.   But does holding someone accountable to the stated rules make you a poor sport or sore loser?  No.   So then why is this such a big deal?  There are people starving all over the world.  We have people starving in our own country!  There are human rights issues all over the world.   We have a government that is out of control.  So how is THIS such a big story?   I think it speaks to something in many of us.

shutterstock_234987922Most of us have this thing about fairness and justice.  WE WANT JUSTICE!  Of course, we only want justice when it affects the other team or person.   We only want justice when it isn’t for something we have done.  When we mess up or do something wrong, or make a less than wise decision, we want mercy and forgiveness.  We want understanding and compassion from others, yet all too often we aren’t willing to give it.  So when we get stirred up over something someone else has done (or is doing), sometimes we have to step back and ask ourselves why and consider the place internally from where it is coming.

When I look at the Patriots, although they may be one of the most disliked NFL teams, they are also one of the best.   They have skilled players who work together well.  They have achieved greatness in many areas as a team and so has Tom Brady as an individual.  They’ve been on top and they are on top again.  There’s something interesting about being on top:  the higher you climb, the bigger target you become.   When you’re good at something, you are going to be viewed with more scrutiny.  When you rise up, you must inevitably dodge the shots being taken at you.   And whether that’s right or wrong, or good or bad, it does remain a fact.  When you stand up and say “I’m going to lead,” or you step up and make yourself visible, you better be ready because things are going to happen.  My grandpa used to always say, “You can’t keep people from saying negative things about you, but you can make them liars.”  In other words, there are always people who are going to talk about you, and I will assure you if you are in a position of leadership, popularity or notoriety, people ARE going to criticize you.  They may all have different reasons for trying to knock you down, and whether or not it’s fair for you to be held to a different standard, you are.  WE are.  You don’t have the luxury of always doing the things that others are able to do.  There are things they can get away with for which you would be held accountable.

shutterstock_209920357So back to “deflate-gate” for a moment:  The Patriots are accomplished, winning and visible, and as a result they need to pay attention to details and do the right things even if no one else is.  As far as the pressure in the footballs, there should be no question at all.   You know what the rules are; abide by them.  Put yourselves and your team above reproach as much as possible, with the understanding that you are still going to get scrutinized over things.  The same thing holds true for us.  It’s hard to say you’re sorry when you’re not wrong.  It’s difficult to have to constantly evaluate things and say to yourself, “This is the situation, and if I do it the right way, it’s going to take me longer.  It’s going to cost me more in one way or another.  What should I do?”  It may wear on you over time, but that’s the choice you constantly have to make, because when you don’t, the smallest indiscretions will rise up in your world and become much bigger stories or scandals.  You can look to the right or left and you can watch people gossip, lie, cheat, steal, tear other people down, be manipulative, not care, not love others, not be a good neighbor and countless other things, but it doesn’t matter what they do.  It doesn’t matter because WE are called to love, care and forgive.  What does the Bible say is required of us?  “He has shown you what is good; and what does the Lord require of you, but to do justly and to love mercy, and to walk humbly before your God.”  (Micah 6:8)  In Ecclesiastes 12:13 we are told, “Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep His commandments, for this is the whole duty of man.”  We are to stand up for what is right, not in everybody else’s life, but in our own.   It is really easy to sit in judgment when someone else has done something wrong, but if you want to sit in judgment, then judge yourself.  We all like to look out the window but rarely want to look in the mirror.  Rest assured, none of us are perfect, and we all have things we should be working on.  But if you are going to hold true and stand up strong for something, just know you are going to be hit with a firestorm at one point or another.

shutterstock_228213685It can be really discouraging watching other people act like sharks during feeding time.  You can’t help but wonder, “What are they gonna get theirs?  When are they going to finally get in trouble?”  But that’s not your problem, and it’s not mine.  Quite frankly it shouldn’t even be our concern as people of faith.  God has promised to take care of us and meet all our needs, if we will simply focus on Him.  Instead of spending our time being so concerned about what should or shouldn’t happen to someone else, we should spend it making sure we are doing the right things.  Remember, the higher you go, and the harder you try to do what’s right with pure motives from a genuine heart, the more the sharks are going to try and feed.  The more you are going to be peppered with questions about rules that everybody else seems to bend.   The problem is, if you stoop down and decide to bend or break the rules, it will inevitably be YOU that is caught, because they certainly aren’t going to turn on each other.

So I hope the recent events cause us to reflect on these things and remember we are called to be different.  As people of faith, we are called to come up higher, but we should never do so unequipped. We need to make sure our armor is on and our shield of faith is lifted high, because often the battle really does come down to you and God, not against the world, but against yourself.  You can’t keep people from talking about you, but you have complete control over whether or not what they say is the truth.  Stand up and be strong.  Lean for support on those God has brought to your life that are of the same mindset and spirit.  Nobody ever said it was going to be an easy road, but we do know it is a victorious one.

Blessings!

Resolutions…Or Not

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shutterstock_191672999As we turn the page on the calendar to a new year, it is almost impossible to not stop and think about where we have been and where we are going.  A new calendar year is often a chance for new beginnings and a time of recommitting ourselves to the things we believe are important in life.  It’s easy to get lost during the course of a year and January 1st brings with it a chance to wipe the slate clean and start again.  Of course, the reality is that EVERY day is a new beginning and a new year.  We have the ability to start with a clean slate at any moment we choose; it’s just that we are usually too busy to even remember we have that choice.

Reflection is a GREAT thing in which we should engage.  Taking even a few moments a day to get still and quiet can do wonders for our spirit (and our sanity) and we ought to do it more often.  I realize we are all extremely busy.  It is the nature of our society.  It doesn’t matter if you work at a job, home, in ministry or in some other volunteer capacity.  No matter what it is, the pace is almost impossible to maintain and is something I believe God never intended for us.  There is a reason He gave us a day for rest, and He even gave us an example of it in the creation of the universe.  He rested on the seventh day not because He was tired, but for an example to us that rest is important!  Rest allows us to contemplate, and we cannot contemplate very long before our spirits begin to consider God and His creation.  That’s a good thing!  When we consider these things, it puts everything else in life in perspective.  When we remember that there are things bigger than ourselves, it helps our troubles fade into the background for a while and brings new perspective.

shutterstock_224938534Reflection is really a two-pronged activity: 1)  We remember the blessings we’ve experienced.  2) We remember the mistakes we have made and the consequences those mistakes brought to our world.  There isn’t much danger in an over-consideration of how much we have been blessed in the past, but there is definitely a danger of over-considering all of our mistakes.  Reflecting on the things we need to do differently or areas in which we need to change can spur us to become better people.  It can also remind us of how far short we have fallen in what we wanted to accomplish in the past year (or in our lives).  How we react to these realizations and reflections will determine whether or not our next year is an amazing one or one that we will gladly be saying goodbye to next December 31st.

I’m not big on resolutions.  I don’t make them because I know they usually end up being more like wishes than commitments.  It’s easy to look at a new year and think about all the things I’d like to accomplish this year.  It may be a wish, a goal, or a dream but that doesn’t make me committed to it.  I can say, “I’m going to lose weight this year” (or anything else) and make that my “resolution,” but unless I actually commit to it long-term, it isn’t a resolution at all!

Commitment is an interesting thing.  It isn’t an activity that is loud or visible; it is something that is quiet, strong and steady when no one else is looking. It doesn’t need accolades or applause.  It simply needs a humble heart whose desire for sincere change runs deeper than a need for the approval of others.  Commitment is staying true to the path or changes to which you have been called rather than just “trying” it for a while before going back to your comfort  zone.

shutterstock_221511418So let us begin 2015 not with resolutions, but with resolve.  Let us not begin with promises, but with promise.  If we will look within and commit to simply living our beliefs rather than trying to conform to what we think others want us to be or do, we will find this year to be one of our greatest…no matter what circumstances it may hold.

Blessings!

Holiday Hangover

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shutterstock_235558714Here we are smack-dab in the middle of the week between Christmas and New Year’s Day.  For most of us, we are tired from all the holiday running and stress of expectations that come with this time of year.  I mean, think about it for a few moments.  The DAY of Thanksgiving, millions of people start rushing to get deals on items for Christmas.  Why?  Why don’t we actually just spend the time sitting back and relaxing?  Why is it that we don’t even have the turkey digested before we are filling ourselves with Starbucks and shopping like mad through the night?  I suppose there are many reasons, but I keep coming back to the same one over and over:  Expectations!  The holiday season brings with it huge expectations for most people.  We have to meet expectations in buying gifts, getting together with family and friends (even if we love them).  We often get caught up in the frenzy of December and start stressing about every detail.  It’s even worse if you are still having to go to work (or are working as a stay-at-home mom) and don’t have the luxury to attend to the details of the season whenever you’d like.  The expectations are outrageous, and yet we find ourselves on the same treadmill year after year.

shutterstock_215935333Last Thursday was Christmas and I’m sure I’m not the only one who is thankful to have gotten through another year of festivities.  I love the time with family and friends, but (like most of you) we have several family get-togethers, and it seems we spend the 48 hours of Christmas Eve and Christmas Day doing nothing but running from one place to another…and eating FAR more than is comfortable for any one body to digest!  Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy the festivities.  I just wish they were spread out over more than just two days!  And of course, there is always the purchase of last minute gifts (or the equaling of money spent on gifts), and everywhere you look, people do NOT look joyful.  Right up until the moment of celebration, people are irritated, stressed, and trying to just get through the day.  One of the things I do find it funny though is that so many people lament about the over-commercialization of Christmas, but they do the same thing with over-committing themselves to activities – even those that are filled with the true spirit of giving.  It’s easy to point your finger at someone who is caught up in the monetary aspect of the season but not bother to look at the fact you are caught up in the activities of the season (no matter how noble) and wear yourself down until you can’t enjoy or appreciate the reason for the season either.  It’s no different, so get off your high-horse and take a look in the mirror.
And then it’s over.  We go to bed Christmas night and wake up on December 26th.  For some, it’s back to the daily grind of their jobs.  For others, there is the realization that all the money and energy spent over the previous month didn’t accomplish much more than putting them in debt (financially, physically, emotionally and spiritually).  shutterstock_150212927We wake up with a little bit of buyer’s remorse with the way we “spent” the holiday, and whatever temporary joy we experienced on Christmas suddenly fades into the reality that the time and energy we sacrificed is often a very high price to pay.  So begins what could be called the “Recovery Week:” seven days to go through a sort of “after-Christmas grief process.”  Seven days that give us a chance to not just reflect on the year, but to stop and look at how the year culminated into a chaotic frenzy that is nothing more than an indulgent binge.  You can break it down into the five stages of holiday grief.  Instead of DABDA we have SANTA:

  1. S  pending – This starts at Thanksgiving and is fueled by a “have to” approach to buying gifts just because it’s what we do…and after all, there are SO many great deals! We spend like we are in denial of what it costs us (not just financially).
  2. A  nxiety – As the season progresses, we begin to realize how much money and time we are spending trying to live up to the expectations of those around us and society as a whole.
  3. N  egotiation – Eventually we start feeling out of control and vulnerable so we make deals with others (or ourselves) hoping to regain the equilibrium we’ve lost. We wonder things like “if only I hadn’t committed to so many events…” or “if only I had been strong enough to resist the urge to spend so much money.”  We look for ways to soften the inevitable “crash” that is coming by promising ourselves (or God) that we will stop and settle down and refocus.
  4. T  rouble – As we go through the actual holiday, we find that we are already depleted before we begin. We try to enjoy the day and the people we are with, but find our tolerance level has been reduced.  The day ends and we start to feel depressed about what we’ve “lost” in the holiday.  We long for the times we enjoyed as a kid when everything was still magical and exciting instead of stressful and tiring.  We grieve the loss of the true spirit of Christmas and wonder how in the world we got so lost.
  5. A  cceptance – After the troubled spirit we experience on Christmas day, we are faced with a new reality. No longer are we clouded by expectations of others.  We see more clearly and start to consider how we could have done things differently.  We are faced with the bills associated with our spending, and the recovery we need physically to heal from the indulgence and lack of true rest.  It doesn’t mean it FEELS good; it simply means we have reached a point where we reflect and accept the place in which we find ourselves.  We no longer make excuses for our holiday behavior, but instead decide to move forward. This is the place we reach during the week between Dec 25th and Jan 1st , and it drives us to make changes as we begin the new year.

Christmas should be a celebration of the greatest gift this world ever received in the birth of our Lord and Savior.  But maybe the second greatest gift of Christmas is actually found in its over-the-top nature that we often complain about.  Maybe the over-commercialization and over-indulgence has gotten SO bad that it actually brings us back to what is important.  We may lose sight during the season, but somehow that is often what brings us back to a place where we realize just how far left of center we have gotten.  It’s like anything else in life – we over-indulge and wake up the next morning regretting it.  It can be drinking, eating, spending, working or anything else.  Most of our best decisions are made in the moments after we have lost our way.  It is often in our weakest or most troubling times that we can hear the clearest.  Much like the prodigal son, eventually we “come to ourselves” and make the decision to turn around.

shutterstock_228944191So as we go through these next few days and approach 2015, let us all step back and be thankful.  Be thankful for all the good that comes from the holidays.  Be thankful for friends and family.  Be thankful for a God who loves you so much that He sent His son to die so you could live!  But be thankful also for the renewal of perspective.  Be thankful for the credit card bills that will be coming or the exercising you are going to have to do because of how you indulged during the holidays.  Be thankful for it, because the most difficult realizations often create the most beautiful changes.

Blessings!

When The New Wears Off

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shutterstock_153587168We’ve all had times when we get something “new” in life.  Maybe it’s a new car or house.  Maybe it’s a new job or hobby.  Maybe it’s a new relationship.  Whatever it is, there’s nothing like the newness that comes with certain types of changes.  Even the support we receive from those around us has a different feel when it is new.  But time has a way of making us all complacent.  We get used to the things we have or the people in our lives and then find ourselves missing that “new smell” of the things with which we have been blessed.  Yep…the truth is the new always wears off.  The question is, “What do we do when it happens?”

New things or people energize us.  New circumstances excite us.  New challenges inspire (or test) us.  No matter what the effect, the result is that things are NOT boring.  There is a higher level of activity, even if it is only internally.  I think of things I have done over the course of my life and each one brought great amounts of pleasure and intensity in the beginning.  I have been excited as I jumped into creative projects or endeavors at work.  It’s interesting how people are drawn to newness.  The excitement (or stress) of things in my life has drawn others to jump in with me at times.  There is something about being in the same boat with someone who is inspired and filled with passion.  But after a while, the same things that once excited or interested others begins to fade, and they seem to wander on to the next exciting thing.  When that happens, I must remember that the newness of me or my world has simply faded for them.  It doesn’t mean they don’t care; it just means they’ve grown accustomed to it all.  I cannot allow the actions of others to dictate my passions.  I cannot and will not allow the complacency of others to determine whether or not I will continue to unleash my creativity or give 100% to the areas in which I have responsibilities.  But what about when the newness wears off not just for them, but for ME?

shutterstock_145922459Life is an exciting adventure overall, but that doesn’t mean every single moment will be filled with exciting circumstances.  Living richly from day-to-day requires something deeper than that “new car smell!”  For example, if you sold your car every time the new smell dissipated, you’d be changing cars every couple of months (if not sooner).  It just isn’t feasible to do that for most people.  If you quit your job every time you had a bad day, you’d eventually run out of new places to work.  Even our relationships have ebbs and flows and sometimes we start longing for the excitement of a new connection.  There is something beautiful about new things.  Newness reminds us of life and how amazing it can be.  New things are clean and shiny.  They smell good.  They feel good.  New relationships awaken all our senses and we feel alive!  It is natural and great to experience these sensations, but when our life begins to revolve around them, we have lost sight of what it means to live with a richness that is elusive to so many.

We have to learn to look deeper and find meaning in the beauty that comes with being steadfast.  We need to adjust our vision so that we stop taking what we have for granted, including the people in our lives.  And we need to adjust our perspective so that we don’t take it personally when others do the same to us.  I’m not saying it isn’t difficult when you feel like you are pouring yourself into the world around you, yet it seems everyone just gets used to it and finds nothing special in it anymore.  It IS difficult…but it isn’t unusual.  You aren’t alone in feeling that way.  We ALL have to live with what is left when the new wears off.

shutterstock_154285019When it’s all said and done, it is important to realize that time and troubles have a way of wearing off the new over and over, but WE have control over how we react to it.  Instead of striving for perfection, learn to appreciate the character of imperfection.  People pay large sums of money for antiques that are far from perfect.  They are weathered (and sometimes even smelly) but it is their endurance through time that makes them beautiful.  They aren’t desired because they are the newest, fanciest, most advanced items.  They are sought after because they have stood the test of time.  They have increased in value because of their longevity and resulting character.  Each scar on the antique actually is the mark of a story, a reminder that life is to be lived and not preserved.

So let us live each day from a place of character.  Let us stand strong in the face of complacency – whether it is ours or it belongs to those around us.  Let us not bow our heads when we are seemingly forgotten, unappreciated or taken for granted.  Let us live with such passion that our value to this world lies in what we do AFTER the new wears off.

Blessings!

Summertime and the Livin’ is…

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shutterstock_125617796It’s hard to believe we are already heading into the traditional months of summer, yet here we are!   As a singer, I can’t help but think of the song “Summertime” when we reach this time of the year, though I’m not always sure we can all say the livin’ is easy.  Regardless of what actual season we are in, we have seasons to our lives as well.  Sometimes those seasons bring great times of abundance, and sometimes the seasons bring times of want/need.   In spite of this reality, we actually can live above our circumstances or in spite of our “seasons.”

Summertime is traditionally viewed as a time filled with fun and relaxation.  The daylight lasts longer, people take vacations, kids are out of school and there is an abundance of activities in which we can engage and enjoy.  Aside from the heat in some places, there’s not much to keep us from doing anything we want.  Wintertime, on the other hand, often prevents us from feeling quite as free to enjoy life.  shutterstock_182019791The weather is cold or wet, and it gets dark early so there’s less time for being outside, even if you can stand the elements.  Life is much the same way.  When the “weather” of life’s circumstances turns dark and cold, we have a choice in how we react to it.  We can bundle up and trudge out into it, determined to get where we are going, or we can snuggle up inside our homes and ride out the storm.  What we do NOT need to do is run out into the elements without any protection!  As children of God, we have the ability to lay back and rest in His arms and trust Him to take care of us no matter how the circumstances may appear.  He is our protection and has promised to work everything out for our good.  Sometimes the winters of our lives exist to help us reduce the frenetic pace of our lives and slow down.  In the “winter” of life, we are faced with difficulties that remind us our true power lies in letting go of our need to control everything.  Winter takes us down, sometimes against our will, but it sets the stage for the eventual summer that is just around the corner.

shutterstock_116510107Summer is, in fact, a wonderful time for most people.  I actually prefer the dreariness of storms and winter, but I love the longer days of summer and all that comes with them.  That being said, just because summer is here doesn’t guarantee the “livin’ is easy.”   When things are going well in our lives, we tend to be happier, more peaceful and even more content.  We are quick to praise God for His blessings and our faith seems to be stronger than ever, but as time goes on it becomes easier and easier to forget that all we have is a blessing from our Heavenly Father.  We start relying on our own abilities and strengths and even forfeit our time with God because we feel less and less need for Him.  After all, things are going great, right?  I don’t say this to pass judgment but to point out that we are ALL human and we ALL fall into these same patterns as believers.  And when we reach the point where we begin to think more highly of ourselves than we ought (Romans 12:3), we will quickly find ourselves in the midst of another storm that brings us back to our knees.

Like the apostle Paul, we need to learn how to live in times of plenty and abundance just as much (or even more so) than living in times of need.  In our times of need, we cling to God.  We refocus our priorities and get back to what is important.  We simplify our world as much as possible because we don’t have much of a choice.  Times of need have a tendency to bring us back to our true center much more than times of plenty.  In times of abundance, our human nature is to become complacent and comfortable.  We rely on our own self-sufficiency and lean less and less on God.  We are blessed with material gain but that gain soon becomes the reason we don’t have time to spend in study and prayer with the One who created us.  There is nothing wrong with material gain and it is not bad to abound!  God WANTS us to have a truly abundant life but that abundance comes through our faith and trust in Him and not in ourselves.   It comes in the peace and joy of knowing God is in control and is working everything out for our good, whether our circumstances seem “good” or “bad” to us.  If we can learn, like the apostle Paul, how to be constant and stable whether in times of plenty or of need, THAT is when our lives become filled with abundance.

shutterstock_150252494The actual season of summer is upon us and I pray it is a beautiful time for everyone.  But more than that, I pray it becomes a reminder that just because the sun is shining, doesn’t mean we should forget the storms we have weathered or the “winter” storms those around us may be trudging through.  Let us open our hearts and allow the summertime to remind us that even when the livin’ seems easy, the difficulties and pain our Heavenly Father endured for us to enjoy the warmth of the good times in life, cost Him more than we can comprehend.

Blessings!