Murmuring, grumbling, complaining. We are all guilty of it, and we really don’t stop to think about what it costs us. Not only does it turn us into people that others don’t want to be around, it can actually change the course of our journeys. We say it’s just harmless venting, and yes, there are times that we need to vent a little bit, but spending our time complaining or murmuring about our situations, or about other people in our lives, is something we should not be doing. Period.
When God delivered Israel out of their bondage in Egypt, He intended for them to inhabit the Promised Land. The journey from where they were to where they were going was an 11-day journey (Deuteronomy 1:2), and yet it took them FORTY years to make it (Numbers chpt. 14). They wandered around in the desert for 40 years because they did nothing but murmur and complain at almost every turn. In Numbers chapter 14, God even said, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in Me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them? How long will this wicked community grumble against me?” God goes on to say He was going to destroy them, but Moses interceded and asked Him to spare them. God agreed to spare them, but then said not one of those who murmured and complained against Him would see the Promised Land. The consequences these people experienced as a result of their complaining cost them far more than they would have ever expected, and an 11-day journey became one of 40 years. God still took care of them during their 40 years of wandering, but it could have all been over much sooner, if only for a change of perspective.
How many times have you or I extended the amount of time we had to spend in certain circumstances just because we refused to stop complaining, gossiping, or getting caught up in the opinions of those around us? Sometimes we can be swayed by group complaining. After all, negativity is far more contagious than anything positive. We get into situations where we feel justified in talking bad about someone, because we feel they deserve it. People who have mistreated us, or even made poor personal decisions that affect us, are easy targets of our complaining, but we better be careful. The more we complain, the more we “wander” until we change our perspective. Israel eventually stopped complaining and trusted God, but it was at such great expense. A generation of people (and complainers) died in the wilderness and never actually got to enter the Promised Land. They missed out on the most amazing blessings and stayed stuck in a difficult and discouraging situation, because they chose to complain about everything instead of being grateful and trusting God to work things out. Again, I ask how many times do we extend our own challenges because we do the same thing?
God tells us over and over to be grateful, but He also tells us to stop complaining! Philippians 2:14 says to do all things without grumbling or arguing. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” There are many other verses that tell us to speak words that lift up and encourage, not tear down and destroy, and even with all of this knowledge of what God expects from us, we just don’t seem to be able to stop the grumbling. We can’t seem to let go of criticizing others around us for not responding to things like we think they should. We walk around thinking our way is the best way, and eventually it diminishes our ability to actually listen to the people around us. You’ve probably heard the saying, “God gave you two ears and only one mouth, because you should listen twice as much as you speak.” We are losing the ability to listen for the purpose of truly hearing, and it is harming us and our society.
When we listen to others, we are able to discern far better the reason for their reactions and even emotions at times. We learn each other and can read between the lines to the deeper meaning (or problem) behind the words someone is speaking. But listening this way requires humility. You cannot truly listen to someone else while being full of yourself. Being so convinced we are right takes up all the space inside us that is needed for seeing things from another point of view, one that may actually be better than our own. We have to humble ourselves in order to listen, and we need to listen as though we are trying to learn something. When we have an interest in something, we listen to information and instruction about it completely differently. We WANT to know all we can about the subject. The same is, or should be, true about listening to others. We should love each other in such a way that we want to know all we can about each other – not for the purpose of judging, but for understanding how to help and encourage each other more effectively. Based on the way we listen, it’s obvious we aren’t nearly as interested in each other as we claim to be. I recently came across a verse that has become a prayer for me, even though Isaiah 50:4 is actually a statement of something God has already done. Two of the phrases struck me and have become this prayer: “Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught.” I want to love and care for others in a way that causes me to humble my spirit and speak words of encouragement. I want to set aside my expectations of who or what they should be and listen as they teach me who they are, because that kind of perspective can change the world one person at a time.
We all have situations in life that are extremely difficult at times. We deal with all kinds of problems and challenges, some that are gut-wrenching or heartbreaking, and it’s easy to see why we might fall into a perpetual state of complaining. When we are hit with trouble from every side, it’s hard to keep pressing forward or even to hold to our faith while standing still. Romans 4:8-9 reminds us, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” That sounds encouraging, but the truth is, in the heat of our troubles, we don’t believe those words are true. Not only that, it feels good to complain! It really is true that misery loves company. We’ve elevated complaining to an art in our society. We’ve become a people who actually tries to “one-up” each other in the difficulty of our circumstances. It’s like we wear our troubles as a badge of honor! We’ve all known people who seem to only have words of negativity about themselves or others around them. They are the ones always looking to gossip or share negative things about someone else, often in an attempt to make themselves look better or seem more important. We’ve known people who complain or grumble in order to look more like a martyr for doing something. We’ve known people who also live like Eeyore with a “poor, pitiful me” mentality. As people of faith, when are we going to wake up?! When are we going to admit that our complaining comes not just from a place of feeling slighted by others, but by believing we have been slighted by God (though we probably wouldn’t admit that out loud)?
So how then do we set aside our tendency to grumble and complain? We do it by changing our focus. I realize that is easier said than done, but some of the best advice on what we should be doing is found in God’s word. Philippians 4:8 tells us exactly what we should be thinking about. “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” This isn’t just advice for people of faith, but for all mankind. How do we stop complaining? By dwelling on THESE things! I’m not saying it is easy to do, but we absolutely have the power to focus on whatever we choose. We need to surround ourselves with friends and family who can listen to us vent for a bit, but then gently help us shift our focus. Thinking on the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8 doesn’t mean we won’t feel the emotions that sometimes overwhelm us. We will still get frustrated, sad or even angry, but we don’t have to continue ruminating on the difficulties we face day in and day out. My great-grandma liked to say, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let it build a nest.” We can’t keep thoughts from popping into our head at times, but it doesn’t mean we have to let them take up residence! And by the way, we also don’t need to let everything that pops into our heads pop out of our mouths!
This world is in need of joy; WE are in need of joy. That means we also need each other! We need to focus on loving each other and helping each other, rather than “wallerin’ around in our troubles” (and yes, I just used the word “wallerin’”). When we complain, we end up cutting off support we would otherwise have, because people don’t usually want to be around a complainer. More importantly, it grieves God to hear us continually complaining about our lives. He loves us and has promised He is working everything out for our good. He just wants us to trust Him because He sees a much bigger picture than what you or I can see. So often, we are just like the Israelites wandering in the desert, complaining about where or how God is leading us. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to risk wandering around in my own personal wilderness for 40 years, when I could have walked through it in 11 days by trusting God, focusing on the good, and simply biting my tongue. Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught!
Blessings!
My Uncle Dewayne (or Uncle Wayne as I called him) was the most amazing man of faith and incredible teacher of God’s word. He gave up a very successful and lucrative career in construction to answer the call to full-time ministry. He earned a double Bachelor’s Degree in Theology and Bible Languages, as well as Master of Bible Languages and Doctor of Bible Languages. He was not only masterful in his study of God’s word and everything associated with it, but also in relating it to others in the most easy to understand ways. He was an incredible Pastor and Uncle, but he was an even more amazing example of what it means to live by faith. Uncle Wayne lived with the effects of Multiple Sclerosis for many years. He had continual health issues, eventually ended up in a wheelchair and often needed assistance physically. By all rights, he should have been sad, depressed, and maybe even angry at God for allowing him to suffer physically after he had dedicated his entire life to His service. Many people would have thought, “If this is what serving God and living by faith means, then I don’t want any part of it.” But not Dewayne. Nope, my Uncle Wayne always had a smile on his face and encouragement for everyone else. You could always hear him laughing from the depths of his soul or whistling as he wheeled around the church. At his Celebration of Life service, it was one of the most talked about aspects of his life aside from his faith, and yet it was his faith that allowed him to be so joyful and hopeful. How in the world was he able to keep that attitude no matter what stresses came into his life (physical or otherwise)? Well, for lack of a better statement, “He sorrowed not as those who have no hope.”
Hope is not easy to come by in a hopeless world. Recently our Pastor brought a message on hope, and it reminded me of what Dewayne always taught: The word “hope” used in the verse “…sorrow not as those who have no hope,” isn’t the kind of hope this world has conditioned us to consider. This is not just wishing for something. We talk about hoping we get that promotion or raise. We talk about hoping something goes well. We hope our team wins the game. We hope the weather is good. We hope, we hope and we hope, but what we are really saying is we “wish.” This verse, however, uses a word that does not infer wishing, but conveys the certainty of a positive outcome. I’m not going to go into all the certainties of the resurrection or the certainty of our salvation as believers. Instead, I want to talk about this idea of being certain of the positive outcome of a situation. Romans 8:28 tells us that all things work together for our ultimate good and His glory, but when you are trudging through difficulties it’s hard to feel that way.
I’m going to be a raw here for a moment. I miss my Uncle Wayne more than I could possibly put into words. At times it is an isolating sensation, even though I know others miss him too. The sorrow over the loss of his physical presence is even more difficult than I imagined it would be. I miss everything about having him here to see and talk with, whether it was laughing about old times, sharing music, discussing God’s word, or even just saying nothing while enjoying his company. My heart breaks every time I realize I won’t have one more hug, smile, laugh or conversation with him. It is a loss so profoundly difficult to process, but then in those moments it’s almost as if I hear his whistling drifting down from Heaven. I am reminded of what he endured in this life and how he kept his faith no matter what he had to face. I remember things he taught, but more importantly I remember what it looked like watching him actually live those very things through faith. He wasn’t perfect, but I’ve never known anyone who was a more perfect parable of what it is like to be a sinner saved by the grace of God, living victoriously through trust and faith in Him. I told someone recently that we have the perfect, sinless example of Jesus Christ on how we should live our day-to-day lives, but I was blessed beyond measure to have the most perfect example of what it looks like for an
I started this post saying I have never had a loss that affected me so profoundly. It is because the way he actually LIVED affected me so profoundly. It is a multi-faceted kaleidoscope of memories and lessons that is too massive for me to be able to wrap my head around. My last visit with him was filled with more than what I could have ever imagined. His ability to keep his faith, trust and joy was so strong that it filled the room in which he was staying. It really was no different than how it filled every other room he had been in over the course of his life. He was different. He had HOPE! He knew it didn’t matter what he faced, even when he had every right to be angry or bitter, because in the end he knew he was going to overcome. He never sorrowed in this life as those who have no hope. He had hope even when MS began to make it difficult to do certain things. He had hope when he became confined to a wheelchair. He had hope when his health faltered or when he had to deal with other challenges associated with life or ministry. He didn’t just have hope, he LIVED hope! And so can we!
Have you ever walked through tough times in your life and come out on the other side, only to be plunged back into difficulties? It’s one of the most discouraging things in life to think you have finally hit some smooth sailing and then your boat overturns again. In my life, these times have rattled and shaken me to the core. I have felt defeated, like the sun was never going to shine again, and have often felt like maybe God is mad at me for some reason to have allowed more trouble in my life. Of course, there are all the cute quotes out there that remind us God is always good and is always working for our good. Heck, I even believe that, but man, sometimes I don’t feel it. I sit and wonder what God is up to and why there are times it feels like He yanks me out of a pleasant place only to drop me into a difficult, depressing or downright terrible place. If I’m being totally honest, it makes me question His goodness and wonder why He doesn’t just put me (or others) in that pleasant place and let us stay there. Sometimes it is life circumstances that just hit us, but sometimes God actually calls us out of the good places for a reason.
There was certainly a bigger purpose for bringing Lazarus back than just relieving the grief of his family. God used that event to show who He is and that He IS who He says He is. He used it to show His power, but also his mercy and love. Look, there was no denying the miraculous nature of what happened. The Bible tells us that Lazarus was in the grave for four days already and that he stunk! No one could deny he was dead – I mean “dead” dead! There was no way to say what Jesus did was a parlor trick or anything else. It was most definitely effective! Not only that, but the disciples needed their faith strengthened, and Jesus knew that bringing Lazarus back would accomplish that. But again, what about Lazarus? What good did it do HIM to be brought back? He lost all of the perfection of Heaven, AND he would have to go through an earthly death TWICE! Is it just me, or does that seem mean to anyone else? I’ve felt bad for him on that piece, because it really feels like he got the short end of that stick. I think that’s why we don’t often talk about this piece of the story. We don’t want to think that God would purposely bring us back from something amazing – or even perfect – just to drop us back into something where we are going to have to struggle. We can say all day long that we’d be ok with it since it for His glory, but I really don’t think that’s how our hearts react when it happens.
When things are going well for me, I need to stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. I’m sure Lazarus wasn’t worrying about things on earth after he died. He was simply enjoying being in Heaven. I need to do the same thing in life’s pleasant places. I need to just sit back and marvel at how true God’s word is, and that He has taken care of me just as He promised He would. I need to just relax in that place and not worry about what else might or might not happen. I’ll be honest, that is NOT a natural or easy thing for me to do, but it would be so much better for me. When we worry about what might be coming next, we drain all the joy and peace out of the pleasant places in life. When we do that, we wring the joy and confidence in God out of our lives as well. Then we wonder why we are so stressed or why God feels so far away.
So the next time I hear, “Deanna, come forth,” I’m going to take a quick look around before I leave the amazing place in which I’m standing, and consider all He did to deliver me from trials in the past. By doing that, I can walk back into this flawed world with complete confidence and security in the truth of His word. Only then can I live a liberated life, free of worry and fear in my circumstances, because I have seen His glory and His fulfilled promises first hand. THAT knowledge and experience in the pleasant places is what will change the way I live in every place else.
Sometimes it can get really discouraging when you are continually faced with people who are not honest. We’ve all been there, those times when you are either lied about or lied to. Sometimes it is intentional, and sometimes it happens out of exaggeration without thinking. Either way, it reveals something about a person’s true character when it happens, and if it is us doing the lying, it reveals the same about our character as well. Recently, I have been lied about and lied to. When it occurred, I was both discouraged and disturbed by it. Although I forgave the people involved and tried to understand why it might have happened, I lost a great amount of (if not all) respect for them. I was blessed to have had the lie revealed in these situations, but that doesn’t happen every time. Sometimes we just have to continue walking in integrity and trust that God will take care of the situation(s) in His time and in His way, even if we never know it happens or get to see the result.
The only way to battle dishonesty is with truth. If we try to battle against lies with reason or even anger, we will probably just end up frustrated with the results. That’s because lies breed other lies! When someone lies to or about you, and they are confronted, don’t be surprised if another lie is told to try and get out of the uncomfortable or awkward position in which that person finds themselves. Depending on the reason for the untruth in the first place (as mentioned above), that same force will often drive a second or third lie in order to cover it up or keep the charade going. The ONLY way to face dishonesty is to shine the light of truth on it. But before you start cheering, “Yeah, expose it,” we probably need to consider something else.
As people of faith, we know the guidelines of forgiveness. We know we are to love our enemies and pray for those who mistreat us (Matt 5:43-48). On one occasion, Peter asked Jesus how often he needed to forgive, thinking seven times was plenty. Jesus responded with “seventy times seven” (Matt 18:21-22). That doesn’t mean 490 times and then stop, but rather that forgiveness is a process. We are human, and forgiveness does NOT come easy to us. It isn’t usually enough to forgive someone just once and walk away. In our hearts, we tend to hold grudges and hang onto hurt, pain, and betrayal. We may not outwardly give someone a cold shoulder or treat them poorly, but inside we often have to forgive them every time the hurt, anger or pain rears its head again. We need to forgive so that we can let it go. We need to sometimes forgive over and over internally until we reach that point. We read in Matt 18:23-35 about a servant who was forgiven of a huge debt he had no way of ever paying back. He begged for mercy and forgiveness and his master granted it and forgave his debt – lavishly! Almost immediately, that same guy went out to someone who owed him a very small amount and when that man begged for mercy and forgiveness, the guy not only didn’t forgive the debt, but he threw the man into prison. When the master found out, he went back to the servant and scolded him for his lack of mercy. As a result, he also rescinded the debt forgiveness and put him into prison himself. Jesus follows this parable with the statement, “This is how the Heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” OUCH!
As I said earlier, “lies are complicated,” and spending our energy trying to figure out why someone is dishonest will rarely bring an answer we find satisfying. Lies or misrepresentations can quickly become a web in which most of us do not want to be stuck – no matter if you are the spider or the fly. Instead of focusing so much on the dishonesty we come across almost every day, wouldn’t it be better to focus on the truth? Turning from anger to forgiveness frees us to live abundantly. And if, perchance, you are struggling with a “justice gene” of your own, maybe it’s time to go back to that model prayer Jesus gave us. Maybe it’s time to remember how lavishly we have been forgiven, with no strings attached, by the One who has every right to demand justice, but instead, chooses love.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about the spiritual battles we face in this life. At times, I really struggle to hang onto my faith when the enemy continually tries to get me to doubt what I know to be true about God and His nature toward us as His children. I mean, I know the right things to say and even think, but it is so easy to get caught up in fear, frustration, sadness and a host of other emotions when we are faced with life’s difficulties. Even the apostle Paul shared his struggle with the battle between our human nature and our spiritual one. He said, “What I want to do, I don’t do, but what I hate, that’s what I do. I don’t do the good I want to do, but I do the bad that I don’t want to do, and then keep on doing it.” Man, he sounds a a lot like me. Paul explains that it is his sin nature that causes such a problem because once we are saved, we know what we should do, but we often struggle to follow through with it. Not only that, we struggle what to think, which then causes confusion in our emotions as well. It’s easy to see why we are so often tangled up within ourselves, walking the line between fear and faith or doubt and trust.
Our enemy KNOWS his eventual fate. The judgement and sentence has been declared and sealed! Revelation chapter 20 describes exactly what awaits him. He knows how it all ends, and yet he still has his last 24 hours of freedom before it all comes to pass. He cannot run or hide from his fate, so he is determined to wreak as much havoc as he possibly can until that time. He is continually trying to keep the unsaved from believing in Christ, but his greater successes come in trying to keep saved children of God from living the abundant life God has promised to us. I will always believe that Satan’s greatest accomplishments come within churches full of believers. God has promised to reveal himself to ALL men (Titus 2:11), so Satan can’t keep someone from the reach of God. He has a much better chance at getting Christians to fall away from the truth than preventing someone from hearing, seeing, or knowing it. Satan loves to blind people. He loves to turn believers into unbelievers. 2 Corinthians tells us that he blinds the minds of the unbelievers to keep them from seeing the light of the gospel. I think we’ve done a huge disservice in taking this as referring to only those who have not accepted Christ as their Savior. Yes, Satan can blind the unsaved so that it is harder for their hearts and minds to be opened, but he does NOT have the power to keep God from reaching them. GOD IS ALL POWERFUL! So then we have to look at that verse a little differently.
My relationship with God has shifted from a good relationship to an intimately personal one. As a result, I have learned to relax IN HIM instead of relaxing because of Him. There is a huge difference between knowing all the right verses and knowing Him. There is a difference between seeing Him as a loving entity who can help you and recognizing Him as a Dad – as your “Abba Father.”
I’ll leave you with this last thought: We are also living in our own 24 to life period. We all have a finite number of years on this earth. Once those years are gone, we lose our opportunity to reflect the love and nature of our Father in Heaven to those here on this earth. We lose the chance to make things right with the people in our lives. We lose the chance to leave a positive mark on our own little corner of the world. I don’t know about you, but I want the people who know me to look at me and say, “She is her Father’s daughter.” I want people to see His nature in me because I love and forgive. I want them to see someone who struggles with worry and fear but who also steps back and remembers the truth so that I have peace and contentment. I am living 24 to life. Though that “life” means eternity of peace and joy in Heaven, I want my “24” down here on Earth to not only be abundant for me in all ways, but to be an abundant encouragement and strength to everyone around me. I pray that for myself, and I pray that for all of you too.