Tag Archives: perspective

The Power of a Pie!

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Lately I’ve been struggling lately with all the negativity that surrounds us constantly in the news.  There are political arguments, issues with terrorism, fights among people of faith over things like Kim Davis (which is a blog for another time) and just general unrest all around us.  It can sometimes start to wear you down in ways you don’t even realize.  We start looking at things in our own lives with a wary eye.  We become cynical and start focusing on all the things we don’t have or what other people DO have.  We start losing our confidence and feel like hunkering down until all the stress of life blows over.  It can absolutely wear you down.  shutterstock_260082779This is where I’ve found myself lately, but then something wonderful happened.  I baked a pie.  I realize that announcement seems to be completely unrelated to what I have to say, but it really isn’t that far out in left field.  You see, sometimes it is the most unlikely, seemingly random things in life that can help you refocus on something positive.

I am not, (I repeat, NOT) a domestic goddess!  Most of you who follow the blog know that I am a true tomboy and always have been.  While my sister was spending time in the kitchen with my mom and grandmas, I was busy outside hunting, fishing, playing football and doing whatever else I could to get dirty and have some fun.  As a result, I never developed a love for cooking and baking, or even knew HOW to do any of it.  I could do enough to eat and stay healthy, but tackling something like a pie?  Well, that was just way too far out of my comfort zone.  I manage to do a lot of things fairly well, but believe me, VERY few of them involve a kitchen!    That being said, I saw a picture of a pie a week or so ago and immediately thought it was one of the coolest looking pies I’ve ever seen.  Immediately I thought, “I want to make that pie!”  (No, I’ve never made a pie from scratch in my life.  No, I’ve never made pie crust.  No, I have no idea what I’m doing.)  I showed the picture to a dear friend of mine who is an amazing cook/baker.  Seriously, everything I’ve ever tasted of hers has been amazing!  When I told her I wanted to make the pie, she chuckled and then said, “Ok, let’s make it!”  We decided on a time to get together so that she could stand in the kitchen with me and help talk me through the first pie-making experience of my life.

Yesterday, she showed up with all the stuff I needed in order to make the pie but knew I probably didn’t have in my house – cookie sheets (I only had one), parchment paper (I had no clue what that was for), spices (believe it or not, I actually already had nutmeg!) and a recipe for apple pie.  We went to the store and bought the other things we needed, and I embarked on my journey.  I don’t know how long a pie is SUPPOSED to take to make, but I’m pretty sure the process isn’t supposed to take almost 7 hours. I watch MasterChef and I’m pretty sure they could have done it in less than 45 minutes!   LOL.  IMG_9285Don’t get me wrong, I made the entire pie myself, but I had to ask questions and have the “whys” of certain things explained to me.  If I’m going to learn to make a pie, I want to really learn how to do it so I can do it again.  By the time everything was complete, I stood in my kitchen staring at something I honestly never thought I’d be able to do.  It made me giddy!  Yes, a pie made me giddy!  I was so excited that I posted pictures of it on Facebook mostly for the shock value since all my friends know I don’t really cook and I’m sure seriously doubt I have any skills at all.  It was a great day/evening, and I made a great pie!  Yes, it even tasted great. Was it perfect?  No, but it was better than I imagined.

So why share the somewhat boring story about making a pie?  Because as I drove to church this morning, with my pie in tow for a potluck, I realized just how good it made me feel.  You can laugh at me for saying this, but it made me feel more confident as a person.  Yes…a PIE caused that.  I realized that no matter how confident I may be in other areas of my life, this was an area that actually made me feel stupid.  Do I HAVE to cook?  No.  Do I HAVE to find a way to be good in areas that do not come naturally for me?  Not necessarily.  But stepping outside my comfort zone and being willing to listen to someone who is masterfully skilled in an area I’m not, made me see just how true it is that any of us can do anything we set our mind to do.

We make decisions every day  – mostly small decisions – that affect how we feel about our abilities, ourselves and our lives.  We make them without even thinking about them.  We gravitate to our comfort zones even when they may be strangling us to death.  If you are a somewhat confident person, it is also sometimes hard to step out of your comfort zone because it can feel embarrassing to have to start from the bottom in something and learn the basics. shutterstock_175906310 I dropped out of piano lessons for that very reason.  I could play enough piano to write songs and play most of what I wanted by ear.  Having to start by learning scales and other basics was just too boring.  I didn’t want to admit I struggled with playing the basics when I could sit down and play and sing an entire song already.   So our comfort zones can sometimes keep us from growing.  Actually, they quite often keep us from growing.  We make decisions to put ourselves in boxes.  There are certainly outside factors that build boxes for us.  People may tell you that you’re not intelligent or that you are brilliant.  You may be told you are beautiful or aren’t attractive at all.  You may be labeled as a hard worker or lazy.  There are so many boxes that are built for us, but here is the beautiful truth:  WE choose which boxes in which to put ourselves!  We are the ones who choose to climb into them, or in some circumstances, refuse to climb out of them.

Boxes and labels can make us feel safe.  We can climb into a familiar box and make self-depreciating jokes about the things we don’t do well so that we don’t have to hear anyone else make jokes about us.  We think it is easier to accept our limitations in ways that hold us captive than to put the energy into climbing out of that box.  Am I saying we all have to be great at everything?  Not at all.  Besides, no matter how great you are at most things, there is always something in which others do better than you. shutterstock_28374553 It is perfectly okay to NOT be good at something.  It is perfectly okay to NOT like something.  What I’m saying is that what we tell ourselves about those things is vitally important to our self-confidence.  What we choose to believe about ourselves is crucial to our mental well-being.  Don’t give in to the peer pressure of a society that tries to dictate what you have to be good at or what makes you “successful.”  BUT don’t become so uncomfortable or embarrassed about those things that you aren’t willing to try them if it’s something you want to do.  As you’ve probably heard before, “You never know until you try.”

We all have natural abilities, and our life should be filled with maximizing those abilities, talents and gifts.  I believe they are God-given for a purpose, and we should embrace them and walk in them.  But doing so doesn’t mean you can’t live life to the fullest by experiencing new things!  I don’t bake, but I made a pretty darn good apple pie from scratch (based on the reviews of those who saw and ate it)!  Had I not been willing to step outside my comfort zone (or ask for help in doing so), I would have missed out on a great experience – both in the time spent with a friend while making the pie and the joy of sharing it with others at the potluck.  Will I make another pie?  Probably.  Do I want to become a baker?  Nope.  I simply found that I didn’t have to be intimidated by something just because it’s something I wouldn’t normally do.

The greatest thing you can do is to live YOUR life!  Be who you want to be and stop making choices based on someone else’s assessment of what you are or are not capable of doing.  We are all amazing human beings. shutterstock_82458775 Every single one of you reading this is AMAZING!  You make look at others and label yourself as being less creative, talented, skilled, smart or a host of other things, but the truth is if that is what you believe, it is because you CHOOSE to believe it.   If someone tells you that you aren’t capable of doing something, it is your choice whether or not to believe them. Don’t let someone else’s definition of your potential limit your dreams!  And don’t let your potential go unattained because you are held captive by your own comfort zone!   Listen to your heart and go boldly in the direction of your dreams – even if those dreams seem insignificant or unreachable to those around you.  Achieving even our smallest dreams can become confidence builders that take us to new heights in our lives, even if no one ever knows why it is so important to us.

I guess sometimes all it takes is to bake a pie.

Blessings!

Letting Go Instead Of Holding On

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Tonight I am having a hard time getting my thoughts to “gel.”  There are pieces of creativity, phrases, melodies, images that are passing through my mind but none of them seem to rest long enough for me to make sense of them.  It’s like trying to catch the wind and hold it in your hands.  You can’t hold it; you can only feel it, and those two things are very different.  Holding something and feeling something require different things.  One requires energy and activity, while the other simply requires a willingness to be open.   One is achieved through effort and endurance, while the other is achieved through being still and present.   I know it may seem like I’m just rambling, but tonight, I feel a little entitled to do so.

It seems lately my life has been filled with different aspects of death and grief.  Some of it has been people I know who have lost loved ones.  Some of it has been the loss of people in my own world or people who have been seriously ill.  Today I attended the funeral of a cousin-in-law that I never met.  In doing so, I got to meet the rest of that branch of the family tree and immediately felt a connection to them.  I sat in the service, moved to tears both for the beauty of her life and the loss I felt in never having known her personally.   It made me remember all the losses I’ve had over the course of my own life.

shutterstock_3066153After the service, I went to another cemetery to pay my respects to someone I loved very dearly.  I hadn’t gone to this particular grave because it is quite a distance from my home, and I’m not one to hang out in cemeteries.  After all, burial places hold nothing more than the earthly shell of the people we love.  Today I was not too far from the final resting place of my loved one’s remains, so I felt compelled to make the trip.  Upon my arrival at the mausoleum, I searched and searched but to no avail.  I finally asked for help from the cemetery in locating my loved one.  It took much longer than I expected, and then the response hit me like a ton of bricks.  My loved one’s remains had been placed in a community crypt without any identification to the outside world.  It bothered me.  It sat in my heart like a lead weight as I stood in front of the unmarked crypt.  It hurt, and I struggled deeply with trying to square what I believe about death with what I was feeling at the moment.  That isn’t always an easy thing to do.

We all lose people we love at one point or another.  We feel the sting of death and the pain that comes with being separated from the physical presence of the ones we love.  We attend funerals and memorial services to honor their lives, and then we each find our own ways of navigating through the subsequent grief process.  I have found, no matter what the process looks like for each of us, there is one common thing we experience:  the struggle between holding on and letting go.  It seems to be an ebb and flow, but even after many years, we find ourselves still faced with moments of trying to decide when to hold on and when to let go.  When we lose someone we love, our instinct is to hold on.  We hold onto physical items such as clothing, gifts or other items that he/she touched, or things that smell like them.  Our longing for that person to still be with us makes us grasp at whatever we can to keep them here in some way.  We don’t just hold on, we cling.  We sometimes hold so tightly that our knuckles turn white and we lose feeling in our hands, and yet we still can’t find the strength to let go.  Letting go seems like it will only magnify our loss, and we will be left with nothing at all.  There’s nothing wrong with trying to hold on, but we must remember there are some things that just can’t be held.

Letting go usually comes with a sense of fear and apprehension for some people.  When we lose something, we naturally want to hold tighter to what we have left.  If we lose money, we tend to get tighter with what we have because it feels like if we don’t, we might lose it all.  We can become so hyper-focused on protecting our “stash” that we can no longer enjoy our lives.  The same is true with losing a loved one to death.  If we become so hyper-focused on protecting what remains of their lives here, we can become crippled and no longer enjoy our own lives.  Letting go is a process that occurs in stages, but we have to be careful to not mistake what it means to “let go.”  Letting go does NOT mean forgetting; It means loosening your grip.  Open ArmsRemember what I said about the wind in the opening paragraph?  You can feel it but you cannot hold it.  Think about standing somewhere beautiful and suddenly a perfect breeze comes blowing through.  You have two choices:  You can start grasping like crazy, trying to capture it in your hands, or you can stand still and experience its touch completely.   If your focus is on trying to hold it, all you will feel is the lack of being able to do so.  You will grasp tighter and quicker, but all you will feel is the emptiness of your own hands.  However, if you focus on standing still and opening your hands, you will feel nothing but the breeze itself.  Letting go is what enables you to feel!  Letting go is what enables you to remember.  Letting go is what frees you to be present.

Today was difficult, and the unexpected situation in which I found myself made it extremely difficult to keep from tightening my grasp after many years of loosening it.  The pain, anger, disgust and sadness that I felt standing in the corner of an empty mausoleum overcame me and brought me literally to my knees.  It crippled me physically and emotionally in a single moment.  I felt lost.  I suddenly felt like I had no footing.  Everything inside me was screaming as it was the day my loved one actually died, and I found myself unable to walk away from that spot.  My emotional hands closed tightly, and all I could do was sob.  And then I remembered what I believe.  I remembered what I know to be true, and slowly I started reconnecting the dots until I could pull myself away physically from that spot.  I stood with my hand on the wall and prayed.  I stood and talked to my loved one.  I knelt and kissed the wall of the tomb in which the remains were sealed, and then I walked out a different door because it was the only way I could make myself leave.

And then something wonderful happened.  I got my shorts out of the car and went back into the restroom inside the mausoleum to change out of my suit and into my comfy clothes for traveling back home.  I forgot to grab my other shoes, so I had to walk out in my shorts, athletic shirt and black knee high trouser socks.I had taken off my dress heels because I didn’t want to look THAT stupid, but I had to laugh at what I looked like.    All I needed was some sandals to complete my “old man” outfit.  I started for the exit, but then thought of how much my loved one would have found my appearance to be hysterical, so I turned and ran back into the mausoleum, into the hallway of the unmarked crypt.  I waited until the security guard walked away from the area and then leapt around, danced and laughed right there in that hallway.  I then whispered out loud, “I knew you’d get a kick out of that so that one is for you!  I love you. ” To some, that may seem inappropriate or even ridiculous, but for me, it was a reminder of the difference between holding on and letting go.

Loss of any kind is never easy, whether through death or some other means.  It is painful, and we scramble to protect whatever we have left.  But loss does not have to cripple us forever, and death is not the end.  Yes, it is excruciating at times.  It can be debilitating in those moments it hits us so hard we can hardly breathe, let alone function.  Grief does not have a timetable, and sometimes it jumps up and grabs us unexpectedly.  And when it does, we need to just step back, be still and open our hands instead of closing them into fists.  If it hurts, let it hurt.  If tears come, let them fall.  Whatever it is you feel, just take a breath and be still.  Open the hands of your spirit so that you can be touched, instead of grasping tightly to what you cannot contain.  Because in the end, the best way we can keep our loved ones with us is to let them go.

Blessings!

When Is “Enough” Enough?

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shutterstock_236380858Today I stopped at the post office to drop off a tray of mail, and I pulled up next to a very joyful, elderly gentlemen that was parked in a handicapped spot.  He was trying to get back into his car, which required getting his walker collapsed and into the backseat before he could get in himself.   I acknowledged him and asked if he needed assistance, but he just smiled and said he didn’t.  When I came back out from dropping off the mail, he hadn’t progressed very far in what he was doing, though he was still as joyful as he was when I walked in.  As I got into my car, I couldn’t help but think, “How blessed am I that I am able to walk to my car, get in and drive here and then carry in a tray full of mail and drop it off without missing a beat?”  Even with all my own aches and pains, I go about most daily tasks without even giving them a second thought.

It seems we get so caught up in the things that are wrong with us, or the things we need to change, that we forget about all the things that are right and don’t need to change at all.  We forget about the things in us that are perfect.  Yes, I said perfect.  We all have things about us that are exactly as God created them to be, and we need to embrace those things instead of taking them for granted.  I am not a perfect person.  I may not do anything perfectly, but as a child of God, I am already perfect in His eyes.  I am perfect in His eyes because when He looks at me, He sees me through the blood of Jesus Christ, and every time I fail at something or do something wrong, it is covered with that blood.  God sees me as who He created me perfectly to be.  I see myself as who I am with all of my failures and imperfections, and I think, “If I could just try harder, people would appreciate me more.  If I could just be better, people would love me more.  If I could just not mess up…if I could just be ‘enough,’ everything in my life would be grand.”

I spent most of my life feeling like whatever I did, or whoever I am, was/is just not quite enough.  I was raised with the perspective that if you have the ability to do something, you should do it, and if you are going to do something, then you should always do it to the best of your ability.  That is a very good way of approaching life, but the portion that was never really taught or emphasized was the price you pay when that mindset goes to the extreme.  shutterstock_228054031For me it was never about materialistic things (possessions or money), and it still isn’t, but the mindset is still manifested in other ways.  I heard somebody tell a story about speaking with a very rich friend and he asked this friend, “How much is enough?”  The gentleman responded, “Just a little bit more. “  That sticks with me.  When working for a company, how much is enough effort?  When is it enough?  My answer has always been, “Just a little bit more.”  How much will you give before it is enough?  My answer has been, “I need to do just a little bit more because I have the ability to work more or give more.”   Remember, I have always believed that  if you have the ability and you are going to do something, do it to the best of your ability – to the maximum of your ability.  I have a lot of interests and things in which I engage.  I’m driven to do every single one of them to the “best of my ability.”  Luckily I’m fairly intelligent and creative, and I am able to juggle a lot of things at once (and I have done so over the course of my life).  I think if I CAN do all of these things and excel at them, then I SHOULD do them, because anything short of that is not enough.  Anything short of that means I’m failing.  It means I’m average and I don’t want to be average.  I want to be excellent.

People say I’m competitive, and I am.  But what most of them have never understood is it isn’t so much that I’m competitive with them; it’s that I’m competitive with myself.  If I know I have the ability to be the best or to be first, then I am upset if I’m not.  It’s not because someone else was first or deserved it; I’m upset because I failed when I knew I could have succeeded.  That’s a really hard expectation to live up to in life.  We put such extreme pressure on ourselves to succeed and be the best in everything we do or every time we touch something, that when we aren’t perfect, we see it as an abject failure.  The truth is we aren’t a failure, we are simply human.  It doesn’t matter that we may have things for which we have superb and sometimes unbelievably amazing skills.  There will still be times that we do not reach our full potential when we engage in them.  That doesn’t mean we failed!

shutterstock_219355915Doing things to the best of our ability (in the sense to which I am referring), comes with a price.  We need to start talking more about that price because it is often extremely high.  I’ve paid that price at times in my life because it seemed less costly than feeling upset or distraught when I think someone is disappointed in me.   I’ve paid that price at times because everything in me screams, “You have the ability to not disappoint them!”  It’s interesting how nothing in me ever screams, “They have unrealistic expectations!”  Nothing in me screams, “YOU have unrealistic expectations of yourself!”   Just because I can, doesn’t always mean I should.   Just because I can, doesn’t mean it’s the best for me.  Doing everything I CAN to the  best of my ability will drain me, wear me out, and eventually destroy me.  It will do the same to you.  I’m not saying we should be lazy or careless, but we look at anything short of perfection or giving more than we have as exactly those things.  And most of us don’t want to be seen that way.

So when is it enough?  I am certain I’m not the only one who struggles with the fact that “enough” always seems just barely out of reach.  It’s like I can touch it with my fingertips, but I can’t grab it.  As a result, I am often filled with anxiety, guilt, disappointment and even a feeling that I should be punished because I haven’t lived up to my potential.  Doing everything you can to the best of your ability shouldn’t mean doing it better than everyone else.  Most people would say they agree with that statement, but when you watch them, you often see people who are actually not content with the level of their ability.   Maybe it is better stated this way:  Do things to the best of you.  You need to be the best you in all ways – physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  And the best “me” is the one that is healthy, peaceful and without continual stress, anxiety and emotional upheaval.   Living under the pressure of those latter traits is not an abundant life.  God said, “I came that they may have life, and that they may have it abundantly” (John 10:10).  Most of us say we want that, but maybe we really don’t.  Maybe I want everyone else’s approval more than I want an abundant life.  Maybe I want to live up to unrealistic expectations more than I want to live an abundant life, because doing so makes me feel superhuman. We (I) think the busier we are, the more valuable we are, but an abundant life isn’t frantic.  It also isn’t draining.  On the contrary, it is fulfilling.  An abundant life isn’t about being enough or doing enough.  It isn’t about trying to be enough;  it is in knowing you already are!  It is knowing that God already loves you completely – even as you are.  You don’t  have to (and can’t) do anything to earn it.  You can’t do anything to make Him love you more.   Your choices certainly determine your level of peace and blessings in life, but they aren’t going to make God love you anymore than He already does, because you are already “enough” in His eyes.  We need to stop trying to be and do enough.  The apostle Paul said, “I have learned in whatever state I am to be content” (Phil 4:11).  Contentment is peaceful.  It is not stressful.  It does not put such mental and physical stress on your body and mind that you cave in upon  yourself…because eventually you will  and it will come out somewhere.

shutterstock_227837773When is enough “enough?”  It is enough right now.  And when you start to struggle with the expectations of others, or more importantly of yourself, you need to step back and say, “I am a child of God, and in His eyes, through the blood of His Son, I am perfect…and I am enough.”  If I could step back and live contented with the knowledge and understanding that I am enough, then  it won’t matter what anyone else thinks of me or what they think my choices should be.  As long as I am following what I know God would have me to do, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  And if stepping back and simply doing what I am called to do causes loss in my life, then so be it…because letting go of the perspective that “enough” is “just a little bit more,” will free up space for us to grab and hold to those thing that make us realize we are more than enough.  Letting go of those things that are draining us (as scary or unsettling as that may seem), will free us from doing things to the best of our ability and leave it up to God to do things through us to the best of His.

Blessings!

The Ignorant Battle Cry of Christians

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shutterstock_148970525Recently, people of faith all over the world celebrated the resurrection of their Lord and Savior.  They celebrated the God who loved us all so much that He was willing to take on a human body, suffer more than anyone has ever suffered, and die the most horrible, unspeakable death for us because He loved us and wanted us to be free.   You’d think this would inspire these same people of faith to try to live more closely to the teachings of the One in which they have put their faith, but that doesn’t always happen.

Recently, I listened to a member of the clergy speak publicly with such venom and hatred for people who were different, believed differently, or God forbid, were “them old sinners.”  When it started, it was almost humorous, because it seemed almost like a caricature of what the media portrays Christians to be.  But as I continued to listen, humor turned to surprise, then to disappointment and finally to disgust.  All I wanted to do was to shout out, “You are the problem!”  Because the truth is that God loves ALL the world and every single person in it.  He loves those we would classify as “good” as well as those we would say are “bad” (eg. Hitler, Bin Laden, Manson, etc.).  It makes no difference who you are, because in God’s eyes we are all the same.  No matter what we do or engage in, or how we choose to live our lives, He loves us with everything He has.  In John 3:16, we are told that “God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son, that WHOSOEVER believes in Him, will not die, but have everlasting life.”  And then it also tells us that  “God demonstrated His love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.”  (Romans 5:8).  He loved everyone while we were still rejecting Him.  He loves  us before we are “cleaned up.”  He loves us so much that He died for us WHILE we were rejecting Him.  That’s pretty amazing!

In today’s society, there seem to be more attacks on Christianity, but the truth is we bring much of that on ourselves.  If we weren’t so bitter and mean, maybe it would be a little different.  If we discussed our beliefs from a heart of love and lived the way Christ wants us to live, maybe so many people wouldn’t be so angry.  Make no mistake, Jesus told His followers that the world hated Him and as a result, they would also be hated at times.  (John 15:18-25).  So rest assured there will always be opposition to Christ and those who follow His teachings, but my point is that Jesus was about inclusion, not exclusion.  Jesus was about love not hate.  He never spoke with venom.  He never screamed at people.  He wasn’t about pride;  He was about humility.  He wasn’t about condemnation.  He wasn’t about prejudice of any kind.  He was about love.  shutterstock_247287523And yet I sat there listening to this clergyman shouting loudly and passionately how proud he was that he was raised knowing that abortion is sin and that “homosexuality is an “abomination!”  (Yes, that is a quote!)  He shouted about how we all need to “hold fast to the doctrines of our fathers!”  And inside, I was screaming, “NO, we don’t!!”  What we need to do is to hold fast to the truth of God’s word, not simply what our fathers or grandfathers taught us, or even what we have heard out of the mouths of pastors.  We are to hold fast, true and strong to the truth of God’s word, not man’s.  God has promised that if you seek the truth, you will find it, and you may even do so without a preacher.  I know that statement will be considered heretical to some people, but it is God who reveals the truth to you.  A preacher (or anyone else) can only share scripture and live an example before others, but if you are seeking the truth and you ask God to reveal to you what His word means, then He will.  We must study His word to gain knowledge, but the wisdom and revelation associated with it is a gift.   “If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God who gives to all generously and without reproach.”  (James 1:5)

Every person’s relationship is between that person, God and no one else.  Do our spiritual relationships affect other people?  They most certainly do, and to hear such passionate ignorance delivered in such an unloving attitude – and  to hear people actually cheer out loud – was one of the most disturbing things I have ever witnessed.  God is love, and to sit there listening to someone who claims to be one of His representatives shout in ways that declared certain types of sinners were less holy than him, made me sick to my stomach.  We are ALL sinners and equally guilty and I kept thinking of the story in the Bible (Luke 18:9-14) of a very religious man that was similar.  In a nutshell, this religious, faithful, church-going man prayed out loud so everyone could hear him, “Oh thank you God that I’m not like these other people!  I thank you that I’m faithful.  I thank you that I follow you.  I thank you I’m not like these robbers, evildoers or other terrible people like this man over here!”  The other man he referred to had been standing a distance away by himself and wouldn’t even lift his head and look up toward Heaven.  He beat on his chest and cried out, “Oh God be merciful to me because I’m a sinner!”   Jesus said it was the SECOND man that was justified and honored.  It was the terrible sinner (in the eyes of the religious man) who GOD recognized and honored.   Every time I hear a Christian speaking from a place of prejudice and anger or hate, I think, “How is it possible that people can’t see why their churches are dying?”  People wonder what’s wrong and wonder what they can do or what program they can start to get people to come.  We try all kinds of things.  We keep trying to make people want to come and worship with us, and the biggest thing we are missing in all of it is love.

shutterstock_63532855Why are our churches dying?  They are dying because of US!  They are dying because we don’t love and forgive as God loves and forgives.  They are dying because of men like this who stand up and scream against one particular sin or another.   They’re quick to shout about homosexuality, abortion, drunkenness or drugs, but they don’t shout about gluttony or selfishness.  They don’t shout about the person who overeats or is a workaholic.   They don’t shout about the person that gossips, which to me is one of the most divisive and damaging sins of all.  They  only shout about the things they haven’t done as if that somehow makes them holier than those who have done them.  And then they look down on those people as if to say, “If you will come crawling over broken glass and hot coals to Christ, then you can be saved,  but you’ll never be as good as me.”  Like the mob in the Disney movie, the battle cry of many Christians is, “Kill the beast!” when our battle cry should be, “Love them to death.  Love them above all.  Prefer them above all.  Love as God loved!”

We hear all the time, “Hate the sin but love the sinner,” but God does not give us permission to hate anything or anyone.  We are supposed to forgive the sin and love the sinner.  THAT is what Christ does.   As people of faith, there are certainly things and behaviors we should not engage in, but there isn’t one perfect person on this earth.  And the moment you start thinking more highly of yourself than you ought (Romans 12:3), you will fall.   If someone is engaged in something that is wrong or harmful, then it is our duty to talk with them to help them understand God’s word and the forgiveness in it, but not out of condemnation.  We are to do it (and everything else) out of genuine love.   I can think of nothing more wonderful than a church where everyone is truly welcome.  We need places where anyone and everyone are welcome to come and learn the truth of God’s word.  We need places steeped in neither legalism nor emotionalism, but steeped in truth – truth spoken from the most loving hearts.   Apathy is not killing our churches, hate is.  Apathy is not what is causing former Christians to turn away and say they want no more of church as an organized religion.  It is hate and meanness that is causing it, because no one has experienced more Christian hatred than those sitting in the very same pews of the very same churches.

As I sat in that room recently, listening to hatred and condemnation being spewed, I saw in my mind’s eye, picket signs, megaphones and people shouting “Onward Christian soldiers marching to war!”  When what I really longed for was a very different battle cry – one that says, “Come to me.  Love your neighbor.  Love as I have loved you.  Forgive as I’ve forgiven you.”  We must remember the battle is not between people of faith and atheists.   It is not a war between good people and bad people.  It is not a war between us and “them old sinners,” because you see, WE are “them old sinners.”  It is a war between me and myself.  It is a war between who we are and who we should be.  We must stop spending so much time crucifying everyone who is different or those who may disagree with us.  shutterstock_235743286We must start tending our own garden and pulling our own weeds instead of mowing down crops we don’t think should exist.  We need to simply turn our own hearts to God instead of trying to turn someone else’s, because we CAN’T turn someone else’s heart to God.  Only GOD can do that.  All I can do is to live my life the way Christ would have me to live, and that means to love and forgive above all else.  It means to stand firm on the truth of His word and not just what my parents taught me or what preachers have said from the pulpit.  I must stand on what God himself has revealed to me through prayer and study, by verifying for myself those things that someone else has said.

There is a Christian battle cry today and it is ignorant and idiotic.  It is bitter, hurtful and mean.  It is condemning, and Jesus was never any of those things.  We need to start loving more.  We need to stop hating the sin but loving the sinner.  It is time to forgive the sin and love the sinner.  That’s what we are called to do.  That should be our true battle cry.

I pray that all of us, especially people of faith, will have our eyes and hearts opened to the truth that love builds bridges.  Love tears down walls.  Love allows people to listen and softens them so it is easier for that “still, small voice” to touch them.  I pray that we will finally stop trying to scream the truth and just simply start living it.

Blessings!

Resolutions…Or Not

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shutterstock_191672999As we turn the page on the calendar to a new year, it is almost impossible to not stop and think about where we have been and where we are going.  A new calendar year is often a chance for new beginnings and a time of recommitting ourselves to the things we believe are important in life.  It’s easy to get lost during the course of a year and January 1st brings with it a chance to wipe the slate clean and start again.  Of course, the reality is that EVERY day is a new beginning and a new year.  We have the ability to start with a clean slate at any moment we choose; it’s just that we are usually too busy to even remember we have that choice.

Reflection is a GREAT thing in which we should engage.  Taking even a few moments a day to get still and quiet can do wonders for our spirit (and our sanity) and we ought to do it more often.  I realize we are all extremely busy.  It is the nature of our society.  It doesn’t matter if you work at a job, home, in ministry or in some other volunteer capacity.  No matter what it is, the pace is almost impossible to maintain and is something I believe God never intended for us.  There is a reason He gave us a day for rest, and He even gave us an example of it in the creation of the universe.  He rested on the seventh day not because He was tired, but for an example to us that rest is important!  Rest allows us to contemplate, and we cannot contemplate very long before our spirits begin to consider God and His creation.  That’s a good thing!  When we consider these things, it puts everything else in life in perspective.  When we remember that there are things bigger than ourselves, it helps our troubles fade into the background for a while and brings new perspective.

shutterstock_224938534Reflection is really a two-pronged activity: 1)  We remember the blessings we’ve experienced.  2) We remember the mistakes we have made and the consequences those mistakes brought to our world.  There isn’t much danger in an over-consideration of how much we have been blessed in the past, but there is definitely a danger of over-considering all of our mistakes.  Reflecting on the things we need to do differently or areas in which we need to change can spur us to become better people.  It can also remind us of how far short we have fallen in what we wanted to accomplish in the past year (or in our lives).  How we react to these realizations and reflections will determine whether or not our next year is an amazing one or one that we will gladly be saying goodbye to next December 31st.

I’m not big on resolutions.  I don’t make them because I know they usually end up being more like wishes than commitments.  It’s easy to look at a new year and think about all the things I’d like to accomplish this year.  It may be a wish, a goal, or a dream but that doesn’t make me committed to it.  I can say, “I’m going to lose weight this year” (or anything else) and make that my “resolution,” but unless I actually commit to it long-term, it isn’t a resolution at all!

Commitment is an interesting thing.  It isn’t an activity that is loud or visible; it is something that is quiet, strong and steady when no one else is looking. It doesn’t need accolades or applause.  It simply needs a humble heart whose desire for sincere change runs deeper than a need for the approval of others.  Commitment is staying true to the path or changes to which you have been called rather than just “trying” it for a while before going back to your comfort  zone.

shutterstock_221511418So let us begin 2015 not with resolutions, but with resolve.  Let us not begin with promises, but with promise.  If we will look within and commit to simply living our beliefs rather than trying to conform to what we think others want us to be or do, we will find this year to be one of our greatest…no matter what circumstances it may hold.

Blessings!