Tag Archives: Love

Love As He Loved!

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shutterstock_132424436We have just come through the Easter Season where many people of faith celebrate the resurrection of their Savior and King. I realize it is not always popular to believe in the truth of God’s word, especially in a society that has made the ridicule of “Christians” the only remaining acceptable ridicule. Jokes and vitriolic statements toward Christ, or those who believe in Him and practice their faith in His teachings, is accepted by most. And if, by chance, there should there be any outrage expressed, it is immediately dismissed as overreacting or invalid. If there is any other vitriol spewed at any other race, religion or creed, it is regarded as completely unacceptable and it should be! I simply believe that the same outrage should apply when the vitriol is directed at those who follow Christ.

Every group of people in life, no matter what they are called or what their common bond may be, has people who are narrow-minded, mean-spirited, discriminatory and hypocritical. As a person of faith, I do not like to call myself a “Christian” because more often than not I fail to truly act Christ-like. More often than not, I can identify with the Apostle Paul when he said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do but what I hate, that I do… For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Romans 7:14-25) I know all too well that I am just a sinner saved by grace. I need God’s grace and mercy every moment of my life and when I remember who I am and who HE is, I don’t have time to judge anyone else. It doesn’t mean I agree with everything else going on around me or the choices of the people around me but it does mean I understand that the same God who loved ME so much that He was wiling to endure the unthinkable and die the most cruel and terrible death so I didn’t have to, is the same God who loves every other person just as deeply. If that isn’t the great equalizer, I don’t know what is! I’ve heard people of faith say, “If I was the ONLY person on the earth, He would have still come and died just for me because He loves me personally.” I couldn’t agree more but He loves us all the same. His word tells us He is “no respecter of persons.” shutterstock_74446510One sin is not worse than another and He does not love one person more than another. Religion does not like to hear that truth proclaimed because religion is man-made and divides things into compartments. Religion is subjective and conditional but God is NOT! Our human nature tries to tell us that one “wrong” deed, word or thought is worse than another because if that is the case, we can make ourselves feel better by saying, “I’m not as bad as that person.” I hate to break it to you but “that person” is not the measuring stick! It’s easy for us to understand that God can love us, but we find it hard to understand that He loves the “worst” person on the earth exactly the same way! We, as people of faith, need to remember that He sacrificed everything not only for us, but for ALL. Do you know who was drawn to Christ? The sinners, the criminals, the rejected, the poor and anyone else that society (or religion) has turned away from or persecuted. Do you know why they were drawn to Him? Because He IS love! He loved them and did not treat them differently than anyone else. He didn’t condone their misdeeds, but He ate with them, talked with them and loved them through it. Religious people today have made themselves an increasingly easy target for ridicule because they have forgotten who they/we are and who God is.

shutterstock_118936651For those of us who try to live by our beliefs, it is heartbreaking and injurious when we are ridiculed for our faith. We know we are not perfect but neither is anyone else. True people of faith are more likely to forgive than to kick and scream about the wounds inflicted but please don’t mistake our silence for an absence of pain or as permission to continue to inflict injury. Not all people of faith are narrow-minded, mean-spirited, discriminatory and hypocritical. We are not stupid and we are not weak. And when we lose our way and become like the Pharisees of old, please forgive us. When we spew vitriol at others, forgive us. We, like you, are a work in progress.

So as we celebrate the One who died for us and then rose again to conquer sin and death, let us return to our “first love.” There is a God and He loves you. He died to save not only your eternal life, but your day to day life on this earth. He wants only for us to trust Him with our entire selves and to follow His leading day to day. He is someone who is with us when the world turns its back. He wraps His arms around us when we are lonely, hurt, or sad and mends our wings so we can fly again. He wants us to live an abundant life but will not allow us to have more than we can handle. It never ceases to amaze me that I have access to the absolute essence of love and power every moment of my life.

Cayucos Sunset

He paid the ultimate price with His own life so that I might have an abundant life on this earth, and an eternal peace with Him one day. I did nothing and He did everything. I stand in awe of what He has done which then drives me to my knees in gratitude for the gift of life He gave me through the sacrifice of His own. He lives! He lives! Praise God He lives!

Blessings!

Come Out! Come Out Wherever You Are!

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Hide and SeekI loved playing outside as a kid.  We often made up our own games but we also played many of the “traditional” games like Red Rover Red Rover, Mother May I, Tag or Hide and Seek (Wow! I am really starting to date myself here!)  It’s so sad to see our kids today planted behind video games or television and missing out on some of the great fun that can be had goofing off during these games… but I digress.  Playing hide and seek as a kid, there would come a point where someone had been caught and was now “it.”  The call would then go out, “Come out! Come out wherever you are!”  It was a signal to everyone else that the risk was gone and they were free to come out of hiding because it was safe.  I can’t say we always came out of hiding with total confidence because, in our circle of friends, you sometimes weren’t sure if it was really ok to come out or if someone was trying to trick you into coming out so they could pounce on you.  It made me think of how we grow up doing the same things with our lives that we did in hide and seek as a child.

Hiding can sometimes be a useful tool.  It allows us to self-protect when we are enduring difficult circumstances.  We are able to retreat and take time to settle our fears and regain some of our strength but when we begin to hide out of habit, it creates difficulties we cannot even imagine.  I have always appeared to be an open book but those few people who have caught glimpses into the hidden pages of my world understand just how different it can be at times.  Past hurts sometimes cause us to react without thinking.  We learn to engage others in ways that minimize their ability to hurt us, or so we think.  For some of us, we learn it is easier to take care of others than to let ourselves need something and then be disappointed.  Over time, we establish patterns of one-sided intimacy with the people in our lives.  We provide support for others, care for them, and even love them deeply, without ever realizing our own need to be cared for in the same way.  It is good to give.  It is good to love but when we find ourselves relying on that love to allow us to hide the truth of who we are we have reached a point where our eyes must be opened.  This new sense of vision can be painful. Love maskThere was a time in my life when I realized that I had sometimes loved others in order to hide myself.  Please don’t misunderstand.  I truly loved these people.  My love for them goes deeper than I have words to express, and yet at the same time I used that love to help hide the depth of my own emotion and need.  I began to believe, through countless wounds, that the world around me was capable of being truly loved but not capable of truly loving me.  That fact never stopped me from loving.  It was impossible to stop me from loving but it was also impossible for me to clearly see just how much it hurt me at times to close my eyes to the truth beneath the surface. I have never used love as a weapon but I realize I have used it as a mask.  I have never loved expecting something in return but I have been guilty of believing I would never receive anything in return.  I have loved for love’s sake alone and yet realize there were times it became convenient to hide behind it.

It is painful to realize we must adjust our sights and begin to understand things we tried so hard to avoid in the past.  Mirrors are wonderful when we look our best but they can destroy our self-esteem for a while when we gaze into them unexpectedly and see areas we are lacking, areas that need attention.  It is easier to not look or easier to only look when we know we have made ourselves “presentable.”  We can then look piously into the glass of self-acceptance that will last only as long as our masks remain intact.  True self-acceptance will only come when we learn to trust what we see when our reflection presents itself unexpectedly and then resolve within ourselves to understand and change it at its most primitive level.

woman on cliffSo just as the words rang out when we were children, I call to you now: “Come out!  Come out wherever you are!”  You don’t have to spend your life in hiding, waiting for someone to find you.  You can proudly step out into the sun and be exactly who you are.  When you do, you will find you are the only one who has the power to truly set yourself free.

Blessings!

Today I Celebrate Love

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Today is Valentines Day and although it’s also my birthday, I choose to celebrate LOVE! My life has been filled with love over the years from many sources and many people. I have been blessed beyond all measure and a day does not go by where I do not thank God for it. I could talk about so many beautiful people in my life or wonderful aspects of love but today is special enough that I want to spend it reflecting on something personal and close to home. I hope you’ll grant me this one day of being totally selfish in what I am sharing.

engagementI met my husband in 1986 and we spent three months taking walks and sharing poetry and conversations about life. We weren’t dating but we loved spending time together. Then we went our separate ways and lost touch. For the next 10 years, I told friends of mine that my one single regret in life was losing touch with Michael not as a boyfriend, but as a friend of my soul. I had dated and even been engaged once but never married. I had a reached a point where I had resolved within myself that I would always be single and then I ran into Michael. When we reunited in 1996, there was something we just knew. It was “right.” We never doubted we were meant to be together and laughed at how we both spent the ten-year gap wondering what had happened to the other person. I was never more excited than the night we ran back into each other and I realized that spark had never gone out. Not only that, it immediately burst into a flame that has only gotten brighter over time. Our first date was on St. Patrick’s Day. We got engaged that May and married in November.

If you’ve followed my blog or read the About Me page, you know I have some complicated wiring. I have a lot of quirks and definitely have had my share of relationships with people who had a hard time dealing with all that comes with my wiring. Michael, however, not only accepted me as I am but embraced me completely. He saw me as beautiful when I never felt like it. He saw me as intelligent even when I did things that weren’t very intelligent. He listened to me ramble on about everything under the sun even when he would have much rather enjoyed some peace and quiet. He knows what makes me tick and gives me the freedom to be me.

official picA lot of people have asked us over the years what makes our marriage seem so different from most people and one of the main things has been that we have always given each other room to be exactly who we are. Yes, we are one couple, but we are still individuals within that relationship. We were a little older when we got married and neither of us got married thinking we could change the other person into who or what we wanted them to be. I didn’t want to lose myself and neither did he and for us, it worked. There are a lot of reasons why we love each other more today than we did all those years ago but our greatest strength is that our relationship is grounded in Christ.

ceremony1 Corinthians chapter 13 describes for us what love truly is. It isn’t emotions or the expressions of those warm feelings we have when we say we are “in love.” Love goes much deeper. It is committed. It is a choice. It is choosing to stay even through the tough times. It is the preferring of each other above ourselves. That’s not always easy to do and we don’t always succeed at it but when we DO, the results are amazing. I believe God has a perfect plan for a long-lasting relationship and we have tried to live by those principles. It is that grounding in spirit and shared belief that has carried us through some extremely difficult times in our marriage. It is what has reminded us to be kind and gentle and to grant each other grace even when we would rather do otherwise. It is the reason we do not yell and argue. It is why we’ve always taken time and made the effort to truly communicate from the very beginning. And as a result of our shared belief in – and commitment to – God and His word, we have been blessed beyond measure.

the kissSo today I celebrate a romance for the ages. I could not have asked for a better husband than God gave me in Michael. He makes me laugh from the depths of my soul and wipes my tears when I cry. He fights for me and WITH me no matter what comes. He is a “man’s man” but has the most kind, loving and generous heart. He is a wonderful example of what a husband should be and I have been changed because of the way he loves me. On this day of love, I couldn’t ask for more.

Blessings!

Stop (and Think) In The Name of Love!

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HeartsThis week we will be celebrating Valentine’s Day.  It seems to be a time when some people evaluate their relationships honestly and others are concerned only with what they will get from their significant others.  I realize it is a time for romance but it’s even a better time for looking inward at the true love in our life.

So often we go through life wondering why things aren’t different.  We look at our relationships and think they should be deeper and more meaningful yet quite often fail to realize that we are the ones who are holding back.  Past hurts and pains still haunt us because we can’t forget.  Past angers still cripple us because we cannot forgive.  These past experiences taint our present relationships and cause us to hide behind our creative walls.  We don’t have depth in life because we aren’t willing to go to the depths.  We sometimes aren’t willing to acknowledge the pains of days gone by so that we might move past them into a new realm of peace.  We hang on to our impressions of the world that were formed in sadness or other negative experiences.  We get burned so often that we tell ourselves people just aren’t worth it.  We begin to believe it is easier to have superficial relationships with everyone than to live through the many betrayals and rejections in order to find the pearls of the few who are true.  What is so often lost in the midst of our perceptions is the reality of love.

Love can find us in the oddest of circumstances or the strangest of people.  We don’t look for love; love looks for us.  We don’t find it; it finds us when we let down our guard and risk the pain of exposition.  It embraces us when we embrace others.  It calls to us when we are willing to listen.  It hears us when we are finally willing to speak.  It will not force us to live within it.  It will not force us to be open.  It will not force us to be weak.  It will not force us to be exposed but when we are willing to freely stand naked in spirit with those around us, love will clothe us in the purest peace and comfort.

We have all used love to our benefit over the course of our lives.  We have called emotions “love” when they were anything but love.  We have loved with condition.  We have loved with expectation.  We have loved in order to gain instead of give.  We have loved out of necessity, convenience and sometimes even confusion.  We have loved in order to manipulate, coerce and extract what we somehow believed we were entitled to from another.  We have lived our lives doing everything BUT love.  It sounds so harsh to say it openly but it is the truth.

Corinthians 13It is easy for us to stand and look at ourselves in a mirror that reflects how wonderful we look on the surface but we rarely see who we really are.  I am not saying in every situation in life we have loved for some other reason but when was the last time you loved someone truly as much as you love yourself?  When was the last time you truly put someone else ahead of yourself without considering it to be a nice or even noble thing to do?  Love acts.  Love responds.  Love never stops to think how much greater it becomes for what it does.  It is not proud.  It is full of understanding, true grace and mercy.  I have seen some beautiful acts of kindness over my life and some genuine displays of what love is but let us not mistake the rarity of those times.  Let us not diminish the character of love by making it into a beautiful package that contains nothing of substance when it is opened.

So as we approach February 14th, let us ignore the commercialism and expectations that normally come with the day.  It is wonderful to have a day to show expressions of our love but wouldn’t it be better if we lived every day of our lives in a way that our loved ones know exactly what they mean to us?  If we will, we may just find ourselves with a gift that lasts much longer than any flowers, candy or jewelry ever could!

Blessings!

A Literal Gift of the Heart

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In keeping with my theme of love in February, I wanted to share something with you that happened 15 years ago this month.  My mom and I appeared on the Montel Williams Show to be united with the family of my mom’s heart donor (Kim).  The video clip of our segment on the show is at the bottom of this post.  Let me back up for a few moments and share the basic details of this story with you.  I’ll share the full details at another time.

Heart donorIn the mid 1990s, my mom began having serious heart troubles.  She had surgery to repair a valve in 1995 that was unsuccessful and in February of 1996 she was told her only hope was to have a heart transplant.  Nothing will wake up a family like an illness that brings death to your doorstep.  After much consideration, my mom and dad moved (temporarily) up to San Francisco to be near Stanford Hospital in case a heart became available.  She was supposed to be a “quick transplant” but ended up having some complications that almost caused her to not be a candidate at all.  In September of 1996, mom and dad got “the call” and she received her new heart on September 20, 1996.

I thank God constantly for the genuine love that a family of strangers showed to my own.  They were losing their daughter and sister but even in their grief they reached out in love to people they had never met.  Recognition did not matter to them.  This family looked at their own great loss and decided they would share a literal gift of life with someone else.  It was a selfless act in spite of how deeply they were hurting at the time.  The resulting effect in our world was an ecstatic sadness…a bittersweet sensation embracing life and death, joy and pain.  It is unlike anything else I’ve ever experienced.

Love in its true state prefers others.  It is not a feeling, but a decision…a commitment.  Love gives us the strength to do things we could not (or would not) do on our own.  It can take our weakest moments and turn them into our most triumphant.  It causes us to look outside ourselves even when our world is crumbling.  It allows us to give even when we feel as if we’ve lost everything.  Love does not demand gratitude but if you have been touched by a sincere and selfless love, it is impossible to not feel gratitude that runs deeper than any earthly expression.

Me and Mom in Maui lightKim’s family demonstrated a selfless love for others in their decision to donate her organs so that others may live.  As a result, our family has been blessed with over 16 additional years of my mother’s presence and she is still doing well.  Because of their gift, Mom not only got to be present for my wedding, but also the wedding of my sister and eventually the wedding of her granddaughter.  She has watched both of her grandchildren grow up.  She has seen the birth of her first great-grandchild!  She has been here to hold our hands and our hearts.  She has been an inspiration and example to everyone who knows her and has changed lives as a result.  I know it was my mom who actually received the heart but it’s the rest of us that feel like we got the greatest gift.

Love for others, even total strangers (sometimes especially total strangers), can have effects you would have never imagined.  You may not ever be recognized for it but love does not seek to elevate itself.  It does not want to be put on a stage.  It is enough to be content in knowing you HAVE loved, genuinely and with all you are.  To love fully and without condition means to do so without expectation of anything in return.  Loving is the one thing we can all do that allows us to change the world by changing our little corner of it!  And sometimes, just sometimes, we find ourselves blessed enough to come full circle and see it face to face.

Blessings!