You Are Loved…Accept It!

shutterstock_134516501It has been said that we live in moments, not in days and I believe that is true.  Actually I believe we live in even shorter spans of times…in breaths and heartbeats.  Each one is a gift we can never get back.  The same is true for the ones we love.  Most of us know we are not promised another moment in life but we often forget that those we love are not promised another moment either.  If we could remember that fact, we might find ourselves more willing to tell others we love them.  For some, perhaps they would learn to accept love and care without being so uncomfortable.

There are some people in my world who mean more to me than they can possibly understand.  Oh, I try to tell/show them (quite often…much to the dismay of some of them) how much I love and care about them but they only see the tip of the iceberg.  It’s always been this way, and I guess I’ve always been a little overly expressive, but the truth is I have always been keenly aware that our next breath is not promised to us.  As a result, I usually honor the internal drive to express to those around me just how much they mean to me.  Sometimes it comes through a deep and meaningful discussion and sometimes it is just a really sappy (but sincere) comment out of nowhere.  Yes, I am compelled to say or do what I say or do…and I do not say or do anything I do not mean from the depths of my soul.

I have found that most people are uncomfortable with true expressions of the heart.  The most common reaction I have seen to an open and honest expression of love is to laugh or become dismissive.  I realize it is not directed at me (or whoever happened to express something to someone), but it comes from a place of either not knowing how to respond or a place of feeling unworthy of that expression.

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Some people have been so criticized over the course of their lives that they refuse to believe someone could see their gifts or their beauty.  They even doubt the sincerity of someone who tells them they are gifted or beautiful because they just can’t see themselves that way.  They develop a way of living that even keeps them shielded from the truth…especially when it is positive.  Most people (with the exception of the selfish or narcissistic) are not comfortable with being told how much they are loved or gifted because they have been taught that it is arrogant to believe it.  Even saying “thank you” becomes an arrogant act in that mindset.  After all, if you say “thank you,” then you are agreeing with whatever was said…and that isn’t polite.  How terrible it is that we have warped something as pure as the expression of the heart and turned it into something to be laughed at, dismissed or even feared.

It is a fact that loss is an inevitable part of life.  There is going to come a time for all of us when we are separated from someone we love.  It is too late, after someone is gone, to tell them how much they mean to you.  It’s too late to hug them.  It’s too late to see them smile when you open your heart to them.  But what if you DO open yourself up to others and express yourself honestly and openly?  Will you be laughed at and dismissed for doing so?  From my experience, I will tell you it is a probability, but don’t let it stop you.  Be fearless!  Love genuinely from the depths of your heart and soul and don’t be afraid to express it.

shutterstock_57395806In my life, I have been hurt and burned by more people than I can count.  I have been laughed at and teased for being so expressive.  I have been looked at strangely because I refuse to give up on people even when they have walked away.  I have been ridiculed for being too vulnerable with those I love.  I have been rejected by some because I refuse to reserve my love and care for only those who were deemed “acceptable.”  I have been punished for reaching out to those who were perceived as stealing my time or energy.  Believe me, I have been wounded by every negative arrow that can be hurled at someone for loving deeply and expressing that love…and do you know what it taught me?  It taught me that the love we give can also heal us.  Otherwise, I would have been dead from those wounds long ago.

The truth is I will never be able to fully express to those I love just how much they mean to me.  There are no words that truly convey my gratitude for those who have loved and accepted me without condition.  So forgive me if I am unable to keep myself from trying to find the words to express the depth of love, care and connection I feel for those around me.  Forgive me for struggling to keep it locked inside when I feel compelled to tell you that you are beautiful, intelligent, talented, kind, compassionate, loving or any one of a thousand other things that YOU don’t believe about yourself.  Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t make it untrue.  Maybe you need to see yourself through my eyes for a moment.

shutterstock_158268758And the next time I tell you you’re amazing, just say “thank you.”  I promise it doesn’t make you selfish.

Blessings!

Settling For Passionless Work

shutterstock_30626650Work. We all have to do it in one realm or another. Whether it is inside or outside the home, we all face struggles sometimes with the things we do for a living. Every “job” has its ups, downs and cycles of frustration. It is the nature of work. Sometimes it is fulfilling and sometimes it can be draining. Regardless, we spend more time at work than we do anywhere else in our lives. It is important to always be willing to evaluate why we do what we do and the places we do it. This doesn’t just apply to our professional organizations but our personal, spiritual and familial ones as well.

It is interesting to consider the point that you can love what you do and not love the person or organization you do it for OR you can hate what you do and love the person or organization for which you toil. You can also have great passion for an organization or job, secular or spiritual, but that doesn’t guarantee it is what you are called to do. I am a firm believer that our true calling in life can be manifested in many ways over the course of our journey. I have fulfilled aspects of my own calling through different organizations and situations over the years. Sometimes we have to find ways to still honor our calling even when we are in situations where it seems unlikely it might fit. We do whatever is necessary in order to continue moving forward. Over the years, I have worked for people I admired greatly. I have worked for companies and organizations I loved. I have worked for people who are appreciative and I’ve worked for people who aren’t. I have worked for small organizations that were wonderful and some that weren’t. I have worked for a large organization and had pockets of amazing experiences with some amazing people. I have also had pockets of experiences that seemed to drain the life from me but, even in those times, there was something positive to be gleaned. One of the greatest blessings I gained in the seemingly negative times was to recognize the things I vowed to never do to the people that I worked with, for or who worked for me.shutterstock_73290586

Passion can drive us to do amazing things in our homes, jobs, churches and families if we will allow it. The struggle I sometimes face is caring deeply about a cause or organization and then see others trying to tear those things down. It wounds me. It literally hurts my heart to see other people half-heartedly approaching the things that mean so much to me or engaging in activities that are detrimental to the well-being and success of those things. When we find ourselves in these places, we cannot help but question where we are and what we are doing. It’s easy to look at others and be angry when they don’t share the same values or passions as you but it is much harder to not let it deter you from your efforts to make a difference. You can try your best to create something different, to engage people differently and to keep them energized, but you cannot force them. So if you are giving everything you have and you still find yourself faced with a negative or unsupportive environment, what do you do? To complicate matters further, if it’s not your calling, how do you handle it?

Sometimes it is so hard to know what God is working in our lives. When you feel your spirit crushed by the situations you’re in, no matter if it is intentional or not, it hurts. Sometimes the crushing can be a great clarifier but sometimes all it does is injure. Passion is a beautiful and necessary part of truly living but it doesn’t guarantee it will not cause us pain. Having passion about what you are called to do and having to wait for those doors to open is a difficult part of life but there is a reason you are where you are at this moment in time.

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Just remember you may be placed in the midst of people who rarely, if ever, show any appreciation for you even if they do feel it. Some people (or even organizations) seem to think that “no news is good news” and, as a result, only speak up when things are wrong because they assume you somehow just inherently know you are valued or make a difference. Even though it may cause you pain and even create a sensation you are worthless at times, it is important to try and let it go. Holding on to a lack of appreciation will only cause you to become bitter, sad or resentful. Don’t let someone else’s inability to show gratitude keep you from expressing yours.

The passion I have for the organizations I am involved in runs deeper than anyone in those organizations can imagine. That fact often makes for a difficult and challenging life but the alternative does not appeal to me. The reality is if you go through life passionless and numb, it certainly does take the sting out. If you can say, “My job doesn’t matter” or “My church doesn’t matter” then it doesn’t. If you can say, “My family doesn’t matter,” then it doesn’t. There is a certain amount of anesthetic and pain relief that comes with that but it also dulls everything else in life. I struggle with just throwing my hands up and saying “I’m done” when I become drained. I believe life is about truth and passion. I can handle anything but a liar. And I can take anything but apathy.

shutterstock_38318179James described it best when he said, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14). Life really is shorter than we like to think. As James says, it is like walking outside on a cold morning and seeing your breath as it appears for a few moments and then dissipates. Why waste the time we have been given each day by living passionless lives? We need to stop settling for the mundane and expect the extraordinary! If the people around us refuse to step out of their complacency, negativity or sense of entitlement, then we need to refuse to step out of our passion, optimism and sense of gratitude. And if there is no bridge that can be built between the two, then we need to have the strength and courage to step away and follow where we are led.

Blessings!

Stop (and Think) In The Name of Love!

HeartsThis week we will be celebrating Valentine’s Day.  It seems to be a time when some people evaluate their relationships honestly and others are concerned only with what they will get from their significant others.  I realize it is a time for romance but it’s even a better time for looking inward at the true love in our life.

So often we go through life wondering why things aren’t different.  We look at our relationships and think they should be deeper and more meaningful yet quite often fail to realize that we are the ones who are holding back.  Past hurts and pains still haunt us because we can’t forget.  Past angers still cripple us because we cannot forgive.  These past experiences taint our present relationships and cause us to hide behind our creative walls.  We don’t have depth in life because we aren’t willing to go to the depths.  We sometimes aren’t willing to acknowledge the pains of days gone by so that we might move past them into a new realm of peace.  We hang on to our impressions of the world that were formed in sadness or other negative experiences.  We get burned so often that we tell ourselves people just aren’t worth it.  We begin to believe it is easier to have superficial relationships with everyone than to live through the many betrayals and rejections in order to find the pearls of the few who are true.  What is so often lost in the midst of our perceptions is the reality of love.

Love can find us in the oddest of circumstances or the strangest of people.  We don’t look for love; love looks for us.  We don’t find it; it finds us when we let down our guard and risk the pain of exposition.  It embraces us when we embrace others.  It calls to us when we are willing to listen.  It hears us when we are finally willing to speak.  It will not force us to live within it.  It will not force us to be open.  It will not force us to be weak.  It will not force us to be exposed but when we are willing to freely stand naked in spirit with those around us, love will clothe us in the purest peace and comfort.

We have all used love to our benefit over the course of our lives.  We have called emotions “love” when they were anything but love.  We have loved with condition.  We have loved with expectation.  We have loved in order to gain instead of give.  We have loved out of necessity, convenience and sometimes even confusion.  We have loved in order to manipulate, coerce and extract what we somehow believed we were entitled to from another.  We have lived our lives doing everything BUT love.  It sounds so harsh to say it openly but it is the truth.

Corinthians 13It is easy for us to stand and look at ourselves in a mirror that reflects how wonderful we look on the surface but we rarely see who we really are.  I am not saying in every situation in life we have loved for some other reason but when was the last time you loved someone truly as much as you love yourself?  When was the last time you truly put someone else ahead of yourself without considering it to be a nice or even noble thing to do?  Love acts.  Love responds.  Love never stops to think how much greater it becomes for what it does.  It is not proud.  It is full of understanding, true grace and mercy.  I have seen some beautiful acts of kindness over my life and some genuine displays of what love is but let us not mistake the rarity of those times.  Let us not diminish the character of love by making it into a beautiful package that contains nothing of substance when it is opened.

So as we approach February 14th, let us ignore the commercialism and expectations that normally come with the day.  It is wonderful to have a day to show expressions of our love but wouldn’t it be better if we lived every day of our lives in a way that our loved ones know exactly what they mean to us?  If we will, we may just find ourselves with a gift that lasts much longer than any flowers, candy or jewelry ever could!

Blessings!