Murmuring, grumbling, complaining. We are all guilty of it, and we really don’t stop to think about what it costs us. Not only does it turn us into people that others don’t want to be around, it can actually change the course of our journeys. We say it’s just harmless venting, and yes, there are times that we need to vent a little bit, but spending our time complaining or murmuring about our situations, or about other people in our lives, is something we should not be doing. Period.
When God delivered Israel out of their bondage in Egypt, He intended for them to inhabit the Promised Land. The journey from where they were to where they were going was an 11-day journey (Deuteronomy 1:2), and yet it took them FORTY years to make it (Numbers chpt. 14). They wandered around in the desert for 40 years because they did nothing but murmur and complain at almost every turn. In Numbers chapter 14, God even said, “How long will these people treat me with contempt? How long will they refuse to believe in Me, in spite of all the signs I have performed among them? How long will this wicked community grumble against me?” God goes on to say He was going to destroy them, but Moses interceded and asked Him to spare them. God agreed to spare them, but then said not one of those who murmured and complained against Him would see the Promised Land. The consequences these people experienced as a result of their complaining cost them far more than they would have ever expected, and an 11-day journey became one of 40 years. God still took care of them during their 40 years of wandering, but it could have all been over much sooner, if only for a change of perspective.
How many times have you or I extended the amount of time we had to spend in certain circumstances just because we refused to stop complaining, gossiping, or getting caught up in the opinions of those around us? Sometimes we can be swayed by group complaining. After all, negativity is far more contagious than anything positive. We get into situations where we feel justified in talking bad about someone, because we feel they deserve it. People who have mistreated us, or even made poor personal decisions that affect us, are easy targets of our complaining, but we better be careful. The more we complain, the more we “wander” until we change our perspective. Israel eventually stopped complaining and trusted God, but it was at such great expense. A generation of people (and complainers) died in the wilderness and never actually got to enter the Promised Land. They missed out on the most amazing blessings and stayed stuck in a difficult and discouraging situation, because they chose to complain about everything instead of being grateful and trusting God to work things out. Again, I ask how many times do we extend our own challenges because we do the same thing?
God tells us over and over to be grateful, but He also tells us to stop complaining! Philippians 2:14 says to do all things without grumbling or arguing. Ephesians 4:29 says, “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” There are many other verses that tell us to speak words that lift up and encourage, not tear down and destroy, and even with all of this knowledge of what God expects from us, we just don’t seem to be able to stop the grumbling. We can’t seem to let go of criticizing others around us for not responding to things like we think they should. We walk around thinking our way is the best way, and eventually it diminishes our ability to actually listen to the people around us. You’ve probably heard the saying, “God gave you two ears and only one mouth, because you should listen twice as much as you speak.” We are losing the ability to listen for the purpose of truly hearing, and it is harming us and our society.
When we listen to others, we are able to discern far better the reason for their reactions and even emotions at times. We learn each other and can read between the lines to the deeper meaning (or problem) behind the words someone is speaking. But listening this way requires humility. You cannot truly listen to someone else while being full of yourself. Being so convinced we are right takes up all the space inside us that is needed for seeing things from another point of view, one that may actually be better than our own. We have to humble ourselves in order to listen, and we need to listen as though we are trying to learn something. When we have an interest in something, we listen to information and instruction about it completely differently. We WANT to know all we can about the subject. The same is, or should be, true about listening to others. We should love each other in such a way that we want to know all we can about each other – not for the purpose of judging, but for understanding how to help and encourage each other more effectively. Based on the way we listen, it’s obvious we aren’t nearly as interested in each other as we claim to be. I recently came across a verse that has become a prayer for me, even though Isaiah 50:4 is actually a statement of something God has already done. Two of the phrases struck me and have become this prayer: “Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught.” I want to love and care for others in a way that causes me to humble my spirit and speak words of encouragement. I want to set aside my expectations of who or what they should be and listen as they teach me who they are, because that kind of perspective can change the world one person at a time.
We all have situations in life that are extremely difficult at times. We deal with all kinds of problems and challenges, some that are gut-wrenching or heartbreaking, and it’s easy to see why we might fall into a perpetual state of complaining. When we are hit with trouble from every side, it’s hard to keep pressing forward or even to hold to our faith while standing still. Romans 4:8-9 reminds us, “We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; persecuted but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed.” That sounds encouraging, but the truth is, in the heat of our troubles, we don’t believe those words are true. Not only that, it feels good to complain! It really is true that misery loves company. We’ve elevated complaining to an art in our society. We’ve become a people who actually tries to “one-up” each other in the difficulty of our circumstances. It’s like we wear our troubles as a badge of honor! We’ve all known people who seem to only have words of negativity about themselves or others around them. They are the ones always looking to gossip or share negative things about someone else, often in an attempt to make themselves look better or seem more important. We’ve known people who complain or grumble in order to look more like a martyr for doing something. We’ve known people who also live like Eeyore with a “poor, pitiful me” mentality. As people of faith, when are we going to wake up?! When are we going to admit that our complaining comes not just from a place of feeling slighted by others, but by believing we have been slighted by God (though we probably wouldn’t admit that out loud)?
So how then do we set aside our tendency to grumble and complain? We do it by changing our focus. I realize that is easier said than done, but some of the best advice on what we should be doing is found in God’s word. Philippians 4:8 tells us exactly what we should be thinking about. “Finally, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good report, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.” This isn’t just advice for people of faith, but for all mankind. How do we stop complaining? By dwelling on THESE things! I’m not saying it is easy to do, but we absolutely have the power to focus on whatever we choose. We need to surround ourselves with friends and family who can listen to us vent for a bit, but then gently help us shift our focus. Thinking on the things mentioned in Philippians 4:8 doesn’t mean we won’t feel the emotions that sometimes overwhelm us. We will still get frustrated, sad or even angry, but we don’t have to continue ruminating on the difficulties we face day in and day out. My great-grandma liked to say, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head, but you don’t have to let it build a nest.” We can’t keep thoughts from popping into our head at times, but it doesn’t mean we have to let them take up residence! And by the way, we also don’t need to let everything that pops into our heads pop out of our mouths!
This world is in need of joy; WE are in need of joy. That means we also need each other! We need to focus on loving each other and helping each other, rather than “wallerin’ around in our troubles” (and yes, I just used the word “wallerin’”). When we complain, we end up cutting off support we would otherwise have, because people don’t usually want to be around a complainer. More importantly, it grieves God to hear us continually complaining about our lives. He loves us and has promised He is working everything out for our good. He just wants us to trust Him because He sees a much bigger picture than what you or I can see. So often, we are just like the Israelites wandering in the desert, complaining about where or how God is leading us. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to risk wandering around in my own personal wilderness for 40 years, when I could have walked through it in 11 days by trusting God, focusing on the good, and simply biting my tongue. Lord, instruct my tongue with a word to sustain the weary, and waken my ear to listen like one being taught!
Blessings!
Many of you who know me or have read my blog for the past few years know that I did not give birth to children of my own. I used to say I was not “blessed” with children of my own, but I have tried to change the way I look at it. Children are certainly a blessing from God, but so is every other gift with which God blesses us. And just like it is the responsibility of a mother or father to nurture, grow and raise his/her child, it is our job to nurture, grow and raise our appointed gifts. One gift from God is not greater than another and if we are living as we should, we will not treat them as such – in ourselves or in looking at those around us. God entrusts all of us with specific gifts that require sacrifice, patience, responsibility, passion, love in order to raise them. Those gifts also often bring us disappointment, frustration, and heartaches as we see them not turning out the way we planned, or when we make mistakes in how we raise them.
We really are all gifted in certain ways. God has given to each of us the abilities and interests we need in order to fulfill what we are called to do. He has equipped us to walk whatever paths are before us, and He has promised to go with us wherever we go, but there are times those paths (or those gifts) feel like a burden. I don’t know a parent who hasn’t had times of feeling burdened by the responsibility of raising his/her children. It doesn’t mean they don’t love their kids, but the reality of day-to-day living is far more challenging than anticipated. There are discouragements and frustrations that come along that make them question if they are doing the right things or dealing with their kids in the best ways to ensure they grow up to be good people. The same is true of our other gifts and talents. We know what we are called to do, or we recognize the gifts within us, but it is a continual learning process as to how we need to nurture them. We make decisions that involve our gifts and then second guess if that was really the best use of them. Other times we make obvious mistakes in the direction we go and then beat ourselves up for it.
There is another aspect of parenting that also applies greatly to our gifts: protection. Parents must protect their children, and we must also protect our gifts. Our talents, abilities and callings must be protected. People can be so mean and so incredibly judgmental of what we do with our lives. They can discourage us, or even try to forbid us from using our gifts when it doesn’t fit their ideas or beliefs about what we should be doing. People may even belittle the gifts themselves, making them seem meaningless or trivial when compared to the gifts or talents of others. For example, someone with the ability to be a great musician, speaker, athlete or business-man/woman are often lauded to have great gifts. It is “respectable” or “honorable” to be a doctor, lawyer, singer, athlete, etc. On the other hand, the man or woman who is gifted to understand people with disabilities, or to clean homes/buildings, drive a bus, or anything else that isn’t as “shiny,” are viewed as having lesser gifts. What about people who have the gift of praying or service? You know them, the ones who are quietly faithful to do whatever it is God has given to them to do, without accolades or applause. Are their gifts any less valuable? On the contrary, I’d say they have the greatest gifts of all! My point is that we don’t know each other’s children as well as know our own, and the moment we start thinking our gifts are better than someone else’s just because they look different, we are treading on very thin ice.
So today, I hope we will all step back and consider the gravity of parenting our respective gifts. It is a responsibility, and it can be difficult and disappointing at times, but it can also be a source of great joy! You are not here by chance, and you are not here to just take up space. We are here “for such a time as this,” and we need to turn our focus upward. We need to live according to the love, grace, mercy and forgiveness that has been given to us by our Heavenly Father and extend those things to the world around us. We need to encourage each other’s gifts, not envy them. We need to support each other, not tear each other down. We need to recognize the specialness of our own gifts from God and feel honored to be entrusted with raising them. There may not be a holiday here on earth to commemorate or honor us for the raising of our gifts, but if we do it humbly as we are called to do, there is coming day where we will be honored by our Heavenly Father when we hear the words, “Well done.”
For years, California has been in a historic drought. This week we have been hit with torrential rains which have caused all kinds of issues, including flash floods in many areas. Weather events can bring all kinds of challenges and even destruction, but that’s not the point of this particular post. Instead, I want to talk about an idea I call “spiritual irrigation.”
Irrigation allows us to be more in control of our destiny. We can plant crops where they wouldn’t normally thrive because we have found ways to transport water from one location to another in ways it wouldn’t occur naturally. Irrigation certainly requires less reliance on God to provide the rain we need – or think we need. We have gotten so used to doing things our way that we forget the source of our blessings. We start thinking we are truly in control of something as basic as water itself. Oh sure, we pray for God to bless us with rain but if we get too much, we start to complain. After all, we’ve been watering our crops and now that it’s raining, there’s too much water! We wring our hands and wonder what we are going to do. We’ve all seen buildings (or cities) built in areas where there is little doubt they will be flooded or even washed away if there is a lot of rain. We actually criticize people in these areas and say, “well what did they expect? They built in the middle of a flood zone.” But why? Because the rains don’t always come and after a while, no one actually believes they will.
I am tired of being a “spiritual irrigator,” and my definition of a drought is probably much different than God’s. I want to live with a faith that follows God’s leading and trusts Him to provide the rain. When we shed our need for control and put on that cloak of trust, we get to experience the most amazing moments. We get to dance in the rain because we know from where it came. We start seeing God’s providence instead of looking at Him as if His ways are interrupting our great plans. From our perspective, it is better to plan and execute rather than follow and trust. But from God’s perspective, it is far better to simply trust Him for everything we need and then dance in the rain when it falls.
In life, all of us tend to measure ourselves by how we compare with the other people in our lives. Do we have as much as they have? Do we look as good as they look? Are we as successful as they are? We do a lot of comparing and although it can spur us to make positive changes in our lives, it more often makes us just feel worse about our circumstances. The truth is if we never saw or knew what someone else has or did, we’d be much happier with what WE have. Right now I wish I could remember that truth more strongly than I do.
It is an interesting thing to consider that when we actually look at someone who is less fortunate than we are, we suddenly feel better about our own situation. For example, when you pass a homeless person shivering in the night, or drive through a run-down and even dangerous area of town, it puts things in perspective. We find ourselves suddenly grateful that we have a roof over our heads, a warm bed in which to sleep, clothes to wear and food on the table. But you see, normally we aren’t taking time to consider those who have less than us. We only consider and look at people who have more. When you pay attention only on those who have more or are getting the things you want (or have even prayed for) it can be tough to swallow. And if you believe God is in control, it can be even worse because it can sometimes lead to you feeling like God is mad at you or somehow he doesn’t see or maybe he just doesn’t care. Psalm 37:4 says, “Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.” If that’s true, then what’s the problem?
Grace is getting what we don’t deserve, and mercy is NOT getting what we DO deserve. For example, even though I’m saved, I still sin. I don’t deserve for God to forgive me time and time again for doing or thinking the same thing, and yet he has promised to forgive us EVERY time we ask and wipe the slate clean so He can bless us. That is grace – I don’t deserve it but He blesses me anyway. On the flip side, I deserve to have to feel miserable and condemned because of the things I think or do, yet God promises to not only forgive us but to forget it completely and then helps us move forward and live abundantly with all kinds of blessings. More practically speaking, it could also look something like this:
When we look at someone who gets something we think they did NOT deserve, it makes us angry or jealous. We just can’t figure out why God would do that. After all, why wouldn’t God punish them instead of allowing good things in their lives? I must confess I have a big “justice gene” in me, and it’s hard for me to watch people do wrong (or not do right) and just keep landing on their feet. We’ve all watched people who have made terrible decisions in their lives and still keep coming out on top. That’s a hard thing to witness when you spend your life truly trying to do the right things and somehow keep coming out on the bottom. It can be a very difficult thing to handle.
We sit back and start thinking about all the effort we’ve put in, maybe even the persecution we’ve endured in life for living right, and start feeling slighted that God doesn’t give us more! Once we get into that cycle, we become ungrateful and resentful not only of what others have, but of the fact that God now seems so unfair. Sometimes it shakes our faith to the point that we start considering becoming selfish and living however we want, because in our minds, obviously that’s what pays off. We feel we have a right to complain about it, just like those 6:00 a.m. workers did, and God’s answer is the same as the owner of that vineyard: “I am not being unfair to you, friend…Don’t I have the right to do what I want with my own money? Or are you envious because I am generous?” The truth is, we are envious because He is generous, and the entire problem begins when we start looking around and comparing what we have to what others have.
So today, I will look to Him and His faithfulness to me instead of looking at the possessions, successes or blessings of anyone else. Will I stay in this place? Unfortunately not, but through the beauty of God’s grace and mercy, I can return to it with a simple refocusing and the promise of His forgiveness whenever I ask…no matter how many times it takes.
The Cadence of My Soul 