Category Archives: Choices

Live In The Moment

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shutterstock_119676250Life is about moments.  It is about breaths and heartbeats, not days or years.  We hear all the time about how important it is to live life in the moment and, although it’s true, I fear we have become so accustomed to listening to it that we don’t actually HEAR it at all anymore.  We go on about our daily lives, making plans and worrying about what needs to be done next instead of appreciating the moment we are in and the ones with whom we share it.

I have encountered a lot of losses in my life.  I have lost many friends and family members over the years and each one has its own set of grief associated with it.  Even the counselor I have seen over the years has said I’ve experienced more loss than most people.  I suppose she is right but I told her recently the reason I have experienced such great losses in my life is because I believe in connecting deeply to those around me.  When you open your heart up and truly love and connect to others in this life, your world is filled with such amazing joy and great love.  Of course the other side of that equation is your world is also filled with great loss.  It is a difficult thing to balance in your heart sometimes. 

When I was young, I thought I’d never live to be 30.  I was obviously wrong since that age has long since come and gone but I have always been very aware that life is short and none of us are guaranteed our next breath.  This breath is all we have.  NOW is all we have and if we choose to not live in the moment, then we are choosing not to live at all.  Life is scary sometimes.  shutterstock_133009796The thought of what might be just around the corner can be paralyzing to us and cause us to spend all our time and energy planning for all the “what ifs” we can imagine.  Somehow we believe that if we plan well enough and are disciplined enough to stick to those plans, then we will lessen the chance of something terrible coming into our world.  Planning is not wrong but when we allow our plans to imprison us or even distract us from what is happening around us right now, then it only brings us more stress in life.  Difficult things WILL come into our lives no matter how well we plan and, if we aren’t careful, we begin to somehow blame ourselves for not planning better.  It is a warped perspective but it happens more often than it should.  

Nothing will clarify your perspective more than serious illness – yours or that of someone you love.  I helped take care of my best friend for many years as we fought cancer together and it caused us to take great advantage of every moment we shared whether her cancer was raging out of control or in remission.  It caused us to not worry so much about what tomorrow would bring because focusing on tomorrow steals today from us.  One day we wake up and find that our life has become a constant struggle…a struggle with health or finances, a struggle with our jobs, a struggle with family or friends.  We spend our time trying to resolve the struggles instead of embracing the fact that getting up every morning is a gift!  Annette eventually lost her battle with cancer but we won so much along the way.  We won the “moments.”

shutterstock_126144137I thought I would never in my life have to again face such a serious fight with cancer in someone I was that close to but sometimes life doesn’t turn out as we think it should.  A year ago today, one of the people I am closest to was admitted to the hospital for what seemed to be a bad stomach flu.  Within 3 days, she was diagnosed with cancer and was in surgery that turned out to be extremely extensive with a number of complications.  She underwent radiation and chemotherapy and we had hoped that by the today’s anniversary we would be celebrating full remission.  Instead, things shifted and she is beginning another series of treatments that is even more aggressive, with potential side effects that are also more aggressive and toxic, to try and get it all under control.  I would love to say I have learned to trust God and live in the moment so well that I choose to celebrate that she is still with us…but I would be lying.  I get terrified sometimes just like everyone else.  The thought of eventually losing someone so close to me to the same disease all over again terrifies me because that pain is all to real in my heart even after all these years.  It is too overwhelming to my spirit.  Then I am reminded that to look ahead down ANY road in life serves only to distract us from the beauty of today.  Doing so weakens us.  It weakens our faith and sometimes even our resolve.  

Life is uncertain.  We all know it is true but it is exactly that truth that scares us to death.  We don’t want to feel pain or loss.  We don’t want our loved ones to feel pain or loss either.  As a result, we endure a much greater loss than necessary as we let this moment slip away without acknowledging the beauty it contains.  We need to stop looking ahead.  We need to stop avoiding connections in life.  We need to stop being afraid to let down our guard and be who we are on the inside.  We need to love with all our hearts and forgive just as deeply.  We need to fulfill our true calling NOW and stop waiting for a “better time” to do so.  There is no better time.  As a matter of fact, there may be no time left at all. 

shutterstock_96294860So live in this moment…in this breath and this heartbeat.  Fill it with joy and love and the most beautiful connections.  And if you are blessed to have another moment, fill it with the same.  It is the only way to truly be free. 

Blessings!

Are You a Reflection or a Shadow?

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shutterstock_109021280The moon amazes me.  There is an ever changing pattern to its glow and what we are able to see of it.  It may be bright and beautiful, lighting up the darkest night sky or it may not be visible at all to the naked eye.  It may be just a sliver of light, but that doesn’t mean the potential for the bright and beautiful has ceased to exist.  It’s an interesting fact that the moon rotates on its axis only once as it orbits the earth which means we are always looking at the same side of the moon and have been since the beginning of time.  The moonlight we see is simply a reflection of the sun but the amount of light we see depends on the position of the moon in relationship to the sun.  When the sun’s light is on the far side of the moon, then what we see of the moon is hidden in the shadow of itself.  When we see a full moon, it’s because the moon is facing both us AND the sun at the same time. As a result, we see the sun’s light reflected completely.  Every other stage of the moon we see is a variation of the relationship of the moon to the sun.

As I thought about this recently, it struck me how closely the moon resembles our lives as children of God.  Just as the sun is the source of constant light and life for us physically, so is God the source of light and life for us spiritually.  We are constantly in the path of His light, and He is always working in our lives.  As His children, we are to be reflections of His light, but what others see of us is altered by our position in relationship to Him.  At times we do not reflect any light at all to those around us because we are casting a shadow of ourselves so wide that others are firmly hidden within it.  We begin to think our accomplishments are due to our abilities or intelligence instead of recognizing they are gifts from our heavenly Father.  We may even start to think we are important and that WE are the source of the light that others see.  Make no mistake, God is still working in our lives during these times of self-absorption, and there is a side to us that His light is still touching.  We have simply positioned ourselves in such a way that it is impossible for us to be a reflection of that light. 

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Like the moon, there are also times in our lives when we become a full reflection of God’s love and light.  We become a full moon of His grace and mercy.  How does this occur?  It happens just like it does with our literal moon. It happens when we are facing both the world AND Him at the same time.  You see, it is impossible to cast a reflection of something unless the mirror is directed toward the light and the viewer at the same time.  Any other position causes a degree of shadow to anyone watching.  Any time an object gets in the way of the light, it diminishes the light that is seen.  We have all experienced amazing moments of faith in our walk with the Lord.  We rise to mountaintops and are fully focused on God and His will in our lives.  We have clarity because our vision is not distracted by everything going on around us.  We are humbled by who He is and who WE are because we understand fully what He has done for us and how much we do not deserve it.  We shed all the legalism and judgment of religion, and put on the light of God’s love and forgiveness.  Our focus is no longer on trying to persuade people or use powerful words and arguments to convince them, but on simply learning and living God’s word in our daily lives.  That’s when we become “full” and when that happens, we don’t have to draw anyone to God’s light.  They can see it for themselves, because we have gotten out of the way and become an instrument of reflection. 

shutterstock_92706310Just as the moon pulls the ocean tides, we have influence in the world around us.  The gravitational pull of the moon actually causes the water in the oceans to bulge out from the earth’s surface toward the moon.  The oceans on the opposite side of the earth are not pulled as strongly so they settle back closer to the earth.  The changing of the tides is a result of the constant tug-of-war that exists between the two.  Our influence is much the same way.  When we are in a position that allows God’s light to be seen, the world around us can be pulled toward that light.  Our influence may not be as strong with people who live in other areas, but rest assured God has people in those areas that are shining and changing the tides when the time is right.  We absolutely have an influence on those around us. The only question is what kind of influence do we have, and how strong is it?   The tides are not pulled as strongly when the moon is only a sliver of light.  It still pulls at the sea, but not in the same way. 

shutterstock_110043062It is a fact that the strength of our faith waxes and wanes over the course of our lives.  It does so because we are fallible human beings even though our spirits are divine. As long as we live in these earthly vessels, we are going to go through cycles of faith much like the moon.  It is important to understand that even when we are in a darker phase of life or may have drifted a little off the path on which we are called, God is still there.  He never stops shining His light on us.  Sometimes that light is reflected to others, but sometimes it serves to reveal to us how much we have gotten in the way of that reflection.  When that occurs, it is a deeply personal and sometimes painful process existing only between us and the “sun,” or in this case, the Son.

We spend most of our lives neither in a place of full reflection or none at all.  We exist mostly in the other phases, reflecting differing amounts of light.  We try to live as we should, but our humanity so often gets in the way of shining as brightly as we otherwise might.  We live under the weight of our circumstances instead of trusting in the One who not only knows everything, but has the power to change everything!  We let our fears overtake us or we allow our selfish nature to take over and start looking out for our own interests above all else.  The darkness grows and the light diminishes, but then we are reminded of the truth and we take on more light.  In the moments of fullness we pull strongly at the sea of people around us only to watch them drift back as we allow the cares of life to dim the light they see. 

shutterstock_142801936We have a choice every day of our lives.  We choose whether or not to love and forgive.  We choose to judge or show grace and mercy.  We choose whether or not we will use the light to cast a shadow or to reflect it to the world.  The light is constant, never changing just as it is with truth.  It will never change.  The only difference in what others see rests solely in the proximity of us to the light. 

So the question remains: “Are you a reflection or a shadow?” 

Blessings!

Commitment Is Not a Dirty Word!

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shutterstock_21116086Last weekend my parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary.  It was an amazing time for them to reminisce with friends and family but it was also amazing for us to witness such an event.  In our current society, commitment seems to have become a dirty word.  I’m not speaking of just in marriage but in every aspect of life.  Our culture has developed into one where if you don’t like something or it becomes difficult, quit.  If something doesn’t easily work for you, walk away from it.

Watching my parents together after 50 years of marriage was encouraging not because of the length of time, though it is impressive, but because of the fact they have honored their commitment to all they promised to do so many years ago.  Life is not always easy and honoring our commitments often means withstanding all kinds of storms.  In our relationships, we are faced with circumstances that stretch us to our limits or make us want to throw our hands up and run away.  shutterstock_114316561We are faced with health issues or taking care of someone we love even when it isn’t “pretty.”  If we do not have a strong commitment, we will be shaken and pulled apart from those we say we love.  With our material possessions, we make commitments but “cut and run” when things get tough.  For example, we purchase cars or homes but then don’t want to follow through with the contract we signed and make the payments.  Yes, I realize sometimes things happen that prevent us from doing so but I’m speaking about having a choice and choosing not to keep our word.  We get tired of dealing with the challenging portions or stress of our jobs so we quit and look for something better.

There is an honorable and beautiful thing about being committed to something or someone and being true to our word.  It makes us stronger in the storms when we know we will not let go or walk away no matter how life tries to knock us down.  When you secure that decision in your heart and mind, it causes you to take a different approach to the challenges that arise.  When you believe that walking away from something is not an option, you will find different and more creative ways to resolve the issues associated with it.  If you made your “commitment” in haste, then it is not secured within you and there will always be an option to walk away.  Even if it is unspoken, your subconscious still considers it.

It is so vitally important for our own well-being that we do not make commitments until we have “counted the cost” of what we are about to do.  I’m not saying your heart is not important in your commitments.  Your heart is what drives your passion!  What I am saying is that commitment is not a feeling.  shutterstock_142341487It is an action…a resolution made after consideration of what you are called to do or are called to be with.  It is a conscious, purposeful, rational choice made on something much deeper than emotion.  Make no mistake, there will most often be strong emotions tied to these decisions in our lives but do not confuse emotional responses to a decision with a process of emotional decision-making.

Life is full of challenges for all of us.  We endure a constant changing of our world and even of ourselves.  We learn.  We grow.  We succeed and we fail.  We are human which means we also make mistakes.  Sometimes we make commitments to things or people that are unhealthy for us.  When this occurs, it is important to realize there is still hope.  We do not have to be tied to unhealthy people or situations.  We have the freedom to step back and look our commitment and evaluate the circumstances and motives that were involved when we made it.  Making a poor decision does not mean you are condemned to a life of misery and sorrow.  We have the power and freedom to make a new one!  There will always be consequences to our “new” choice but we have a God who forgives our mistakes and can make beautiful art with the scars of those poor choices…if we will let Him.

shutterstock_128854240Commitments should never be taken lightly.  The ability to stay true to our word no matter what we face in life is what provides stability for us, our families, our friends and our world.  No, it isn’t always easy.  It isn’t always pretty but if we have entered into our commitments to each other and to our passions in life with great consideration and conviction, we can look back many years from now and see a path of amazing wonder.  We will look back and see beauty rising from every pile of ashes and love rising from every hurt.  A wide open and smooth path can be pleasing to the eye but it will never rival the beauty of a path that is adorned with rocks and trees, winding its way past rivers and oceans, over, under, around and through the most complicated and woven landscape of a life truly lived!

Settling For Passionless Work

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shutterstock_30626650Work. We all have to do it in one realm or another. Whether it is inside or outside the home, we all face struggles sometimes with the things we do for a living. Every “job” has its ups, downs and cycles of frustration. It is the nature of work. Sometimes it is fulfilling and sometimes it can be draining. Regardless, we spend more time at work than we do anywhere else in our lives. It is important to always be willing to evaluate why we do what we do and the places we do it. This doesn’t just apply to our professional organizations but our personal, spiritual and familial ones as well.

It is interesting to consider the point that you can love what you do and not love the person or organization you do it for OR you can hate what you do and love the person or organization for which you toil. You can also have great passion for an organization or job, secular or spiritual, but that doesn’t guarantee it is what you are called to do. I am a firm believer that our true calling in life can be manifested in many ways over the course of our journey. I have fulfilled aspects of my own calling through different organizations and situations over the years. Sometimes we have to find ways to still honor our calling even when we are in situations where it seems unlikely it might fit. We do whatever is necessary in order to continue moving forward. Over the years, I have worked for people I admired greatly. I have worked for companies and organizations I loved. I have worked for people who are appreciative and I’ve worked for people who aren’t. I have worked for small organizations that were wonderful and some that weren’t. I have worked for a large organization and had pockets of amazing experiences with some amazing people. I have also had pockets of experiences that seemed to drain the life from me but, even in those times, there was something positive to be gleaned. One of the greatest blessings I gained in the seemingly negative times was to recognize the things I vowed to never do to the people that I worked with, for or who worked for me.shutterstock_73290586

Passion can drive us to do amazing things in our homes, jobs, churches and families if we will allow it. The struggle I sometimes face is caring deeply about a cause or organization and then see others trying to tear those things down. It wounds me. It literally hurts my heart to see other people half-heartedly approaching the things that mean so much to me or engaging in activities that are detrimental to the well-being and success of those things. When we find ourselves in these places, we cannot help but question where we are and what we are doing. It’s easy to look at others and be angry when they don’t share the same values or passions as you but it is much harder to not let it deter you from your efforts to make a difference. You can try your best to create something different, to engage people differently and to keep them energized, but you cannot force them. So if you are giving everything you have and you still find yourself faced with a negative or unsupportive environment, what do you do? To complicate matters further, if it’s not your calling, how do you handle it?

Sometimes it is so hard to know what God is working in our lives. When you feel your spirit crushed by the situations you’re in, no matter if it is intentional or not, it hurts. Sometimes the crushing can be a great clarifier but sometimes all it does is injure. Passion is a beautiful and necessary part of truly living but it doesn’t guarantee it will not cause us pain. Having passion about what you are called to do and having to wait for those doors to open is a difficult part of life but there is a reason you are where you are at this moment in time.

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Just remember you may be placed in the midst of people who rarely, if ever, show any appreciation for you even if they do feel it. Some people (or even organizations) seem to think that “no news is good news” and, as a result, only speak up when things are wrong because they assume you somehow just inherently know you are valued or make a difference. Even though it may cause you pain and even create a sensation you are worthless at times, it is important to try and let it go. Holding on to a lack of appreciation will only cause you to become bitter, sad or resentful. Don’t let someone else’s inability to show gratitude keep you from expressing yours.

The passion I have for the organizations I am involved in runs deeper than anyone in those organizations can imagine. That fact often makes for a difficult and challenging life but the alternative does not appeal to me. The reality is if you go through life passionless and numb, it certainly does take the sting out. If you can say, “My job doesn’t matter” or “My church doesn’t matter” then it doesn’t. If you can say, “My family doesn’t matter,” then it doesn’t. There is a certain amount of anesthetic and pain relief that comes with that but it also dulls everything else in life. I struggle with just throwing my hands up and saying “I’m done” when I become drained. I believe life is about truth and passion. I can handle anything but a liar. And I can take anything but apathy.

shutterstock_38318179James described it best when he said, “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” (James 4:14). Life really is shorter than we like to think. As James says, it is like walking outside on a cold morning and seeing your breath as it appears for a few moments and then dissipates. Why waste the time we have been given each day by living passionless lives? We need to stop settling for the mundane and expect the extraordinary! If the people around us refuse to step out of their complacency, negativity or sense of entitlement, then we need to refuse to step out of our passion, optimism and sense of gratitude. And if there is no bridge that can be built between the two, then we need to have the strength and courage to step away and follow where we are led.

Blessings!

Detours Are Not Without Purpose

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Lately it seems my life has been touched with an abundance of intense and challenging situations.  Some of them have been in my literal physical world and some have been in my internal world.  It has brought an unusually large amount of stress into almost every area of my life.  My professional life, though good, has been filled with so many various stresses that it has caused me to step back and rethink many things and adjustments I need to make on that path.  My physical life has had things flare up that I need to address.  Even the normal respite of church-life has brought a state of discontent that has made me step back and look at things with a new set of eyes.  Professionally, physically and spiritually it feels as if I am traveling on some sort of detour in almost every realm.

vectorstock_1197417Think for a moment about your day to day travels and of the actual, real-life traffic detours you have encountered along the road.  If you are like me, you get frustrated and sometimes angry over the fact that you have been re-routed or slowed down.  I am irritated and if I am in a hurry it is even worse.  It just feels like I am losing so much time and yet those detours are necessary in spite of it all.  If I were allowed to continue on a path that has been closed for construction, there would not only be a greater delay in my journey, but I might not even make it through at all.

For most, we usually struggle with detours whenever they appear, constantly questioning whether we should continue on or follow an alternate path.  Only you can decide what to do but whatever it is proceed cautiously.  You are in a dangerous area and your senses need to be heightened in order to make it back to the main path of your journey.  footprintsThe detours I have taken in my life have allowed me to see meaning in the roads less traveled.  Detours cause us to search deep within ourselves to find what will fill our spirits personally and professionally.  They cause us to question the reasons we will not walk away. They allow us the opportunity to see new scenery and explore new options.  Eventually the detours on my journey brought me back full circle to the place I began but they did so with a new knowledge of who I was and what I was willing to accept.  It’s both confusing and comforting to see the path behind us as we journey forward.  It is also amazing to understand there is a certain knowledge that can only come from what seems to be the wanderings of our lives.

I am thankful for every detour I have had.  If it wasn’t for the detours and construction zones of my life, I would not be who I am today.  I would not have the understanding or empathy I have today for those around me who are trudging through detours of their own.  It is interesting to reflect on the situations in our life and see how different they look from the other side.  Things often make so much more sense when looking back but how can you possibly make sense from detours if you don’t endure the potholes and continue until you come out on the other side?  If you stop and sit down in the middle you may never get out.  You may end up broken down on the side of the pathway, damaged and distracted to a point it becomes nearly impossible to find your way.

shutterstock_114318994So as I proceed cautiously down the path before me, my desire is to do so with an awareness that allows me to grow and move in the directions I need to in order to arrive at the destinations that will fulfill me most.  It is my prayer that we all find peace with the twists and turns of our respective journeys and that we still find wonder in the steps along the way.  There is a purpose even in our seeming wanderings.  J.R.R. Tolkien said it best: “Not all those who wander are lost.”   What one person perceives as wandering might actually be one of the most important aspects of another person’s journey.  Let us be careful to honor not only the meaning of our own detours but also the ones of those around us.  Let us hold the light for others as they travel through the construction zones of their lives for we never know when we will need someone to hold the light for us.

Blessings!