Category Archives: Choices

A Path or a Pile of Bricks?

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shutterstock_15701413I recently came across the following quote: “Sometimes in life you have to choose between two paths; other times all you get is a pile of bricks, and the path you build is up to you.”  After the past couple of months of trying to decide which way to go, it certainly feels like there has been nothing but ton after ton of bricks piled up in front of me.

So often in life we come to times of decision and tend to think it is an “either or” option, even when there may be other options available.  It is natural for us to go through a process of elimination until we are left with two choices and then try to figure out which is best, or in some cases, which is the lesser of two evils.  Most of us were raised to make decisions by looking at our options, weighing the pros and cons and then choosing the one that will bring the best results.  I’m not saying there is anything inherently wrong with this approach, as sometimes it can help immensely to take emotion out of it and “count the cost” of the journey on which we consider embarking.   Counting is not always bad and reasoning is not always wrong, but when we limit ourselves to only those paths that have already presented themselves to us or have been sanctioned by the people around us (whether family, friends, churches, or coworkers), then we have lost something very valuable in the midst.

shutterstock_32845126Life is not always black and white, and sometimes it can get a little messy.   We may experience unrest that causes us to feel compelled to make a change.  We may feel like the only way to gain our balance is to do something different, so we start looking for our options.  We must be careful when we start down this path, because it usually involves relying on our human reasoning and rationale.  Our human reasoning is often tainted greatly by our emotions.  When faced with a decision, we often choose the path that feels better.  We often choose the most lucrative path or the one that seems to be more logical.  We don’t often choose to stay on a path that may be temporarily uncomfortable because we don’t like pain or discomfort.  We get angry, frustrated, disheartened or even depressed about our current situation and start looking for a way out of it.  When we start looking for a way out, we naturally look for which path we should choose.

But what if it’s not about “choosing” a path but building one?

What if we took the mountain of bricks in front of us and build a path with them rather than looking for a way around them or how to remove them?  What if we started building instead of walking?  What if we put on our figurative headphones and listened to the music of that still small voice within instead of the overwhelming cacophony of noise that comes from everyone around us?  What if the bricks in front of us aren’t obstacles at all, but the exact materials we need in order to accomplish things greater than we could have imagined?

shutterstock_113875279It is so easy to get lost in the circumstances of life.  Sometimes we get hurt or disappointed.  Sometimes we feel unappreciated or mistreated.  Sometimes we get so disillusioned with things we previously had confidence in that it rattles us to the core.  Every negative experience or uncomfortable situation is another brick tossed in front of us.  When we find ourselves in these times, as I have been lately, it is so important to go back to what you know to be true and hold on to those things.  Get back to your guiding principles and let your heart and spirit settle for a bit before you go charging out onto a path that may or may not be best for you.  Maybe you (or I, in this case) need to see our difficulties not as something to work around but to work with.  Maybe we need to see all the many things that are going “wrong” in our lives as the bricks we need in order to build a road that leads us to places we could not reach any other way.

Life is complex and we are constantly presented with circumstances (or people) that test our faith and resolve.  We are faced with situations that leave us reeling, and we feel as though we just can’t take any more.  We get wounded to a point where we think we will not recover.  Lately I have questioned almost everything in my own life and have decided it is time to stop looking for a path to choose, but to build one.  It is time to follow where I am called, no matter where it leads.  It is time to take the bricks that for months have seemed to be piled everywhere and start fitting them together in whatever manner God leads me to place them.  It is a new kind of art, a new kind of creativity.

shutterstock_104872121So if you are wondering which way to go or are struggling with decisions in life, take heart.  If you are truly seeking clarity, you will find it.  If you truly want to know which way to go, you must first be willing to go.  When your heart is finally willing, and you are ready to give up your own reasoning and trust God for the results, one of two things will happen:  Either it will become clear which path to take, or you will suddenly see your pile of “bricks” as the exact stones you need to forge the path to exactly where you are called to be.

Blessings!

What’s In a Name?

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shutterstock_146424497When someone asks the question, “Who are you,” most people respond with a name.  Some people might respond with their occupation or title, but for the most part, we consider our name to be our most important identifier.  But what happens when your sense of identity is actually wrapped up in your name?  Are you defined solely by the family you were born into or raised by?   What happens if your name reminds you of someone you have great disdain for or of a childhood that was less than perfect?  Should you change it?  Should you leave it and spend your life resenting it?  It can be a dilemma when you look at yourself as only a name.

Who you are is so much more than a name or a title.  It is the choices you make and the things you do.  God made you unique and gave you special gifts and abilities.  Your name or title has nothing to do with it.  We need to quit tying ourselves to a man-given name and feeling privileged or disadvantaged as a result.  Yes, being born into certain families (celebrities, royalty, rich or popular) can provide more opportunities and advantages than most people get, but it CERTAINLY doesn’t guarantee you will have a happy life or be a decent human being.  Being born into families where your name is associated with something negative or has already been dragged through the mud before you even existed can make it more challenging to overcome.  It is a fact of life that our name matters…but to what degree?  How much of it can we affect?  Is our only choice to feel bad about ourselves or to change our name?  Is our only option to get rid of it?

shutterstock_153833735What we tell ourselves about where we come from is not nearly as important as what we tell ourselves about who we are.  If we came from an abusive situation, we need to acknowledge our past but we do not have to be defined by it.  If we came from a past of being bullied or made fun of, we don’t have to continue to feel less than acceptable.  If we came from circumstances in which we did not have our needs met, whether physically, emotionally, mentally or even spiritually, we do not have to continue to settle for being empty.  If we lived with a person or people who were an embarrassment (or worse) to us, or made us want to become someone else, we don’t have to continue to run away.  There is another choice: Face it…then start changing your perspective.   I know that is easier said than done, but it doesn’t make it any less true.

Our names sometimes carry great weight and responsibility, and sometimes they can carry pain and embarrassment.   If your name is such a burden that you cannot escape it, then it is not wrong to consider changing it.  BUT if you change your name and nothing else, nothing else is going to change.  You will gain nothing but new letters to sign on a check.  Instead, consider the fact that you can take back your name from the person or persons who degraded it.  You can redeem your name by living a life that is filled with love, kindness, compassion and generosity.  You can live a life that does not judge others, but lifts them up.  Live in the moment.  Live to help, not hurt.  Live to build up, not destroy.  Quit blaming your past (or your name) for your “bad luck” and take back the power from the ones who took it from you and reclaim your God-given identity.

shutterstock_15258877On the other hand, maybe you were fortunate enough to be given a name that is associated with success, intelligence, authority or sincere acts of compassion and generosity.  Maybe you had parents who were well-respected, highly regarded by others or accomplished great things.  It is easy to fall into a mindset that somehow your parents’ or family’s successes are also your own.  I’m not saying you shouldn’t be proud of where you come from or the way you were raised, but you cannot live your life based on what others before you have done.  You must make your own mark on the world.  Quit assuming the successes of others as though they are your own and then putting yourself on a pedestal as a result.  Count your blessings that you had a family who loved and cared for you.  Be grateful for the opportunities afforded you because of the circumstances into which you were born, but above all, be who YOU are supposed to be.    You have unique God-given abilities and desires that have nothing to do with your name!  They have everything to do with the amazing journey in store for you if you will let go of your sense of entitlement and leap out by faith into the true calling for your life.

So what’s in a name?  I guess the true answer to that is found within each and every one of us.  Your name is what YOU make of it.  It doesn’t matter what it contains; what matters is what you fill it with.

Blessings!

Resolutions? Let’s Get This Straight…

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shutterstock_128054627As the new year is upon us and we all pause to reflect on the things that took place in our lives in 2013, it seems everyone is yet again making resolutions they hope will positively affect things in 2014.  Resolutions are an interesting thing to me because of the word itself.  “Resolution” is defined by Webster as “the act of finding an answer or solution to a conflict, problem, etc ; the act of resolving something.”  We use the word in more of a sense of intent to do “better” than we did in the previous year.   We say we are going to be better people, nicer, kinder, more generous.  We tell ourselves we are going to be more patient and less angry.  We say we are going to eat right and exercise more.  We have all kinds of things we call “resolutions” when really they aren’t resolutions at all.  If the word means the act of finding an answer or solution to a problem, then a resolution is the product of a process that comes only after we have been willing to take a very honest look at a situation, clear the fog around it and see it for what it is.  That means seeing US as we really are.  No one likes to take a long hard look in the mirror because it often reveals things we spend most of our time and energy trying to reason away.  But if we will NOT take that very difficult look in the mirror, then our resolutions are nothing more than empty promises we use in order to make ourselves feel better for a little while.   Remember, a resolution means you have resolved a dilemma.  It means you have an answer to the issue.  Whether or not you ACT on that resolution is another matter altogether.

We all search for answers in life.  We want to have certainty on what to do rather than fly by the seat of our pants, but certainty is often hard to come by.  Sometimes our problems or circumstances are such that we aren’t able to find an answer we can act on.  Sometimes the “answer” is to wait instead of acting.  Sometimes the answers come with time but most of us are too impatient to take the journey.  We want instant results.  We want “resolutions.”  We want a new beginning!  There’s nothing wrong with desiring a new perspective or direction in life but we don’t get it by simply making a promise we THINK we should make.  We get it by being willing to take the journey necessary to finally have the answer that is right for us…not the answer we THINK we should have, but the one that is actually the truth.  When we reach that point in a situation, it is the moment we have a true resolution.  We know which way we are supposed to go or what we are supposed to do.  It has been said that “knowing is half the battle,” which means reaching the point of resolution is only half the battle.  The rest of the battle is acting on it.

shutterstock_96294860So here’s the challenge:  Don’t get caught up in the hype of “new year’s resolutions” and focus instead on the truth you see in the mirror each day.  Be willing to not only see the things you want to change, but to ask God to show you the reason you do them in the first place.  Strive for understanding, not answers.  Strive for purpose, not plans.  When you let go of trying to find the answers, the answers will come.   And when you have that clarity for the direction of your life or circumstance, be willing to step out on faith and follow, no matter how much it scares you or how difficult the change may be.   Don’t make resolutions, LIVE THEM!

Blessings!

Over-salted and Blinded by Light!

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I recently happened across some words from a person involved in spiritual ministry that bothered me to the point that I could not sleep.  Quite frankly, it sickened me.  This person had gotten fed up with what some would refer to as “sheeple” (those who refuse to think or study for themselves) and felt the need to point out their stupidity.  I’m not saying the emotion behind the comments was invalid, as there were some really ignorant comments and questions made by some folks.  What I am saying is that as “Christians” (and especially leaders in worship and ministry) we need to be careful of the manner in which we interact with others in these situations.  The way in which we approach a perceived lack of understanding in someone else is so very crucial to not becoming a hindrance that is contrary to the very thing we say they believe.

shutterstock_119205439Let me ask you a couple of questions: 1) is it possible to have too much salt in something and  2) is it possible to have a light that is too bright?  The obvious answer to both of those questions is a resounding “Yes!”  Jesus tells us that we are the “salt of the earth” and the “light of the world.”  Salt and light are both very valuable things but if there is too much of either one, it can actually be harmful.  Having too much salt in a dish will ruin it as quickly as not having any at all.  As a matter of fact, having NO salt is actually fixable.  Have too much salt requires destruction of the dish and starting over.  You can always add salt but you cannot remove it.  Then there is the issue of light.  If we are surrounded by darkness, light can be a valuable tool.  If the power goes out in our homes, we immediately start looking for flashlights, candles, lanterns or any other method through which we can illuminate the dark.  Light reveals where darkness hides.  It is wonderful and necessary but if it is too bright, it can actually cause harm.  The sun is necessary for life, but if you stare at it with the naked eye, it can cause irreversible damage and cause.   The same can occur with the arc of a welder’s torch or other various sources of light.  Light can cause blindness if it is used inappropriately.  So what’s my point?

People of faith today, especially those in leadership positions, seem to be developing a cloaked pride that eats away at the very fabric of what they profess to believe or have been called to do.  What I mean by “cloaked pride” is they are condescending, judgmental and even downright rude with others in an attempt to “correct their mistaken point of view” or “share the truth of God’s word with them.”  When these “spiritual” people are confronted on this attitude, the response is often some rationalization about Jesus being bold and “calling a spade a spade.”  Believe me, I get it…and Jesus WAS bold!  But do not confuse boldness with pride.

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  Jesus was the only perfect man to ever live.  Everything He did was done from a heart of love.  That doesn’t mean He did not address “stupidity” head‑on, but it means every time He addressed anything at all, He had the absolute best interests of that person or group in mind.  His motives were completely pure and never self-serving.  Good grief, look how many times He would say things to His own disciples and they wouldn’t “get it” and He would have to keep going at it from different angles until they finally understood what He was trying to say.  He never once referred to them as “stupid” or tried to make them feel like He was better than them…not in public or in private.  He also never talked down about them to others.  Instead, He simply kept doing exactly what He was called to do and did it with patience and long-suffering because He loved them.  Unfortunately in today’s world, we have “leaders” who act like they are simply being bold in Christ and “setting the Pharisees of today straight” when THEY, in fact, have become the Pharisees of today.  Yet, they continue to cloak their behavior by saying it is “righteous indignation” or they are standing strong on the truth of God’s word!  There are better ways to stand strong on the truth of God’s word.

Jesus was not bound by His humanity and there was no risk of Him becoming arrogant or prideful, no matter how many people followed Him.  This cannot be said about anyone who is not perfect, and therefore applies to every single human being.  As humans, there is ALWAYS the risk of becoming arrogant or prideful.  The more people follow us or listen to us, the more power we begin to feel we have.  The more they flatter us, the more wonderful we start to think we are.  WE start to take credit for things instead of giving God the glory…even if we don’t say it out loud.  And when we have power, knowledge and influence, it is easy to start doing things that are in accordance with OUR will or protect OUR interests instead of remaining submissive to the will of our Father.  Let me be clear about this:  I do not believe most people start out with ulterior motives, but it is a natural progression to end up operating from a place of pride, arrogance and condemnation when we do not continually and truly humble ourselves before our God and remember that no matter what position we hold in a church or in life, we are ALL sinners saved by grace.  Every ability or shred of intelligence we have comes from our Father and without Him, we aren’t even smart enough to get out of bed in the morning!

shutterstock_104022092So back to my illustration of too much salt or too much light.  When it comes to people of faith being salt and light, the most important thing to remember is that we are the actual salt and light, not the One who MEASURES the salt and light!  We are the instruments and God is the one who is in control.  He knows the exact amount of salt to use or how bright to make the light.  It is up to us to get out of His way and let Him work!  We are not skilled enough to know how much is enough so it’s our job to be the light and allow God to choose the wattage.  It is up to us to be the salt but let the master chef choose the amount.  If we don’t, then we will end up harming the very people we say we are trying to help.  When we force our measurements of salt and light upon others, we end up with people who are “over-salted and blinded by light.”   When that happens, we do so much damage to our influence that only God can repair it.    

It is time to hold up a mirror in front of our faces and see things as they are.  Quit trying to disguise pride by calling it boldness.  Quit trying to say that your condescension and judgment is holiness…because it isn’t.  Stop making it your personal quest to correct the “wrongs” around you.  IT IS NOT OUR JOB!   It is not our job to condemn or look down on anyone!  It is our job to simply learn God’s word, be obedient to His will and then live (not talk) our beliefs in such a way that reflects the nature of the One who created us and leave the judgment up to Him.

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We are to love others, and if we act as Jesus truly acted and with His perfectly pure motives, then we will be sure to check ourselves before we speak or act so that we can ensure those words or actions are in accordance with God’s will AND come from a heart of true love and compassion for those around us.  John 13:34-35 says, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another.  By this all men will know that you are My disciples, if you have love one for another.”  And before we say we love anyone, we need to read 1 Corinthians chapter 13 again and find out what love really looks like.  We might just be surprised.

Blessings!

I Am Not Presentable

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shutterstock_57395806Image can be a powerful thing.  We would like to say that we don’t judge people by their appearances but the truth is that our society has a way of doing so anyway.  It says a lot about us when we duck and hide from people we might actually want to see just because we think we don’t look presentable.  And how do we even define what “presentable” means anyway?

Yesterday I went against what I believe in my heart and it bothered me enough that I felt compelled to share it with all of you.  I was out with my husband and since it was the weekend, I didn’t think twice about going out in my old shorts, t-shirt and baseball cap.  I didn’t take time to do my makeup because I was spending the day relaxing and taking care of some things around the house.  I know I’m not the only one who does this but we all know there is that proverbial risk of being out and running into someone you know.  As my husband and I were leaving the parking lot of where we had just eaten lunch, I saw an old friend of mine walking into one of the other restaurants in the same complex.  We have wanted to see each other in person for quite some time but we just haven’t really had the opportunity to do so.  It would have taken nothing more than stopping the car to be able to see her for a few moments.  I told my husband who she was and he said, “Let’s stop!”  I panicked and told him no, to keep driving.  I knew she hadn’t seen me so I was still in the “safe” zone.  When he started to stop anyway I told him I had far too much to do and didn’t have time to talk so we just needed to go home.  The truth is I was too embarrassed with the way I looked to stop and say hello.  As a result, I missed a great opportunity to connect with someone I care about very much.

If you’ve read any of my blog posts, you know I am a huge proponent of being who you are and embracing the people in your life.  It doesn’t matter what you look like or what you are wearing; what matters is how you clothe your spirit.  I believe these things with all my heart and here I was going against those very beliefs.  I must admit, I was shocked at myself.  What is it that would cause me to so quickly and strongly avoid making a connection for which I had been longing?  It was fear, embarrassment and a feeling of not measuring up.  shutterstock_137315255You see, this friend of mine is beautiful.  I mean really beautiful.  When we were in high school, she was pretty, funny and popular.  She was always friendly to others, even those who may not have been as popular as she.  I always liked her and considered her a friend but we were never close.  It wasn’t until much later in life that we found a beautiful connection of our hearts which has become a great treasure for me.  My friend would have been thrilled to see me yesterday, even in my “grubby” clothes and no makeup but I instinctively recoiled at the thought because she is even more beautiful today than she was all those years ago…and not just physically.  She has a beautiful spirit and I have been blessed to know her and yet I reacted before I could stop myself.  So what happened?!

Society tries to engrain in us an image of what beauty is and if we fail to attain it, then it means we are somehow less worthwhile.  Even though most of us would agree that image is warped, we still have moments where it pops up and causes us to react before we think. Even those of us who are usually strong, confident and know our worth is not in our appearances sometimes fall prey to the images that society tries to dictate to us.  We see someone who we think is more attractive than we are and – without even thinking – we start reacting as if we are in different classes of people.  We think someone is more beautiful so we avoid being near them when we don’t look our best.  We think someone is smarter so we avoid talking with them.  We think someone is more athletic so we refuse to play sports we love because we don’t want to look stupid.  We don’t dance because we think we have two left feet.  We don’t sing because we don’t want to be made fun of.  We develop a life that is fragmented and stressful because we spend all our time measuring ourselves by those around us instead of embracing OUR beauty and our gifts.  We spend our lives looking at the gifts of others and wondering why we weren’t blessed with them instead of looking at the ones we have been given and finding value in what we have to offer.

d river islandWe all have unique abilities, gifts and physical traits.  We are all beautiful in our own ways and the sooner we embrace that truth, the more amazing our lives will become.  We are all so hard on ourselves and we need to start focusing on the fact that we all feel “unpresentable” in one way or another.  We are all imperfect but what a shame it is when we allow our imperfections to keep us from connecting to those we love.  If we are willing to be seen as we are, even when we are not at our best, we begin to free others to let down their guard as well.  And when that happens, we may be surprised to find out that they are just as fearful to be seen without “makeup” as we are.

So today I apologize.  I apologize to myself for letting the madness of this world override the sanity of my spirit and for missing a wonderful opportunity to see the true beauty in life.  And I forgive myself for it all and choose to embrace the beautiful lesson I have learned.

Blessings!