Our society places a lot of value on beauty and outward appearance. We think nothing of having work done (or of others having work done) to try and circumvent the effects of aging, and yet we are paying less and less attention to how we look on the inside. We are losing our ability to be civil and courteous, and nowhere is this truth more apparent than on Facebook and other social media sites. Over the past 6 months or so, I have been spending less time on Facebook and much of the time I’ve spent was, or is, hiding posts from people on ALL sides of varying issues (political or other). My tolerance for the intolerance shown by so many people on so many subjects has really worn thin. Before I go any further, let me just say that if you think I’m one of those people who just wants to stick their heads in the sand and not care, or are not willing to be engaged in thoughtful or even passionate discussion, I can assure you nothing is further from the truth. I choose to be very engaged, just not online.
These days, there is turmoil all around us. For one thing, the recent election cycle in our country has really taken a toll on most people and some people are very concerned – some for the same reasons and some for very different ones. Then we look around us at other divides caused by different belief systems (whether religious or not), and it seems we are in a constant state of disruption and disagreement. I have news for you: It has always been this way! We think our debates are deeper or more enlightened. We think the consequences are greater. Guess what? Every generation from the beginning of time has thought the same things. And yes, people have always fought (and disagreed) passionately over what they believed. From the beginning of time, there have always been people who were nasty and mean when trying to prove a point or argue a position, but it was different. They didn’t have access to instant communication with the entire world! We are bombarded with opinions and even mean-spirited lies about different positions or events. We have instant information when something happens, and sometimes that information is not always accurate. 
That’s part of what is wrong with instant news. Stories used to have time to develop before everyone heard something and reacted. We’ve seen many stories that turned out not to be as they were originally portrayed, but it was too late to stop the reactions or public opinion – even when the facts finally come out. On top of that, there is so much “fake” news that now exists for the sole purpose of stirring people up, or even worse, slandering or attacking them.
We live in a world where we can fire off our opinions immediately online, almost with impunity. We no longer have to resort to picking up the phone and calling someone to discuss something. We don’t have to wait until we are “around the water cooler” or face to face with someone before we throw out what we think. There is something very valuable about waiting before we speak or give an opinion. It gives us time to rethink HOW we want to give that opinion or state that comment. We have lost our civility, and it has only escalated the meanness and fueled the fires of anger and hate. Then we start choosing sides and refuse to listen to anyone who disagrees. It’s true in our government as well as our own lives. It needs to stop, but there are days when I fear we are too far gone.
Online we lose so much of what makes us human. We lose tone, facial expression and body language. We lose accountability, and most of all we lose the trait of being courteous. It’s easy to be rude when you don’t have to look people in the eye. It’s easy to tear people down (including those we claim to love and care about) from behind a computer or phone screen. There are no bounds to what people say or how far they will go to destroy someone who thinks, believes or lives differently. As I mentioned earlier, even if we do not actively engage in the arguing, it is affecting us. Even though we think we are ignoring it, we still feel its effects. Think of it this way: If you were in a room of people where the noise level and arguing (or fighting) was that loud, you would most likely leave even if you had an opinion that you wouldn’t mind discussing civilly. Most of us would condemn the behavior we were witnessing and refuse to be part of it, but social media is different. We’ve turned differing opinions into blood-sport. We don’t care if a news story is real or fake; we use it as a weapon to go after people who disagree with us. We’ve become more rude and intolerant as we hide behind our devices. And that goes for ALL people of ALL beliefs and opinions. 
We don’t walk away from people who are rude or aggressive anymore, instead we devolve into them ourselves. We forget that we are talking to human beings, and instead treat each other like animals. We are bullies. We are arrogant and insensitive asses. We devolve into everything we say we aren’t or that we preach against. We watch our friends tear each other down and just sit there. We think, because we don’t read or react to the garbage that rolls through our feeds, that it isn’t affecting us. But it is. It wears on us until we finally crack. I’ve fallen victim to it on several occasions myself. “It” being that almost uncontrollable urge to fight back or snipe back at someone who is being unreasonable or, God forbid, wrong! I’ve given into it on occasion, but it has almost always come with regret at some point.
The truth is, Facebook has become Face-less book. We see photos but not each other. We’ve become social voyeurs. Voyeurs see others as objects and have no problem victimizing them as a result. We, ourselves, have become less human and yet feel more entitled at the same time. Everyone screams about intolerance, yet everyone IS intolerant. Why? Because it’s easy. Because even though we might love the people in our feeds, we feel faceless to them too. The old saying that “character is what you do when no one is looking” is very true. People sometimes ask, “What would you do if you knew you wouldn’t get caught?” The answers are always interesting, but we are actually living in an age where we have created places where we think we can act like Neanderthals because we can’t be touched. And then we wonder why our relationships (personally or professionally) are suffering. We are so used to letting words fly out of our mouths without thought for others that we’ve started doing it in our real lives. It was bound to happen, and yet we never saw it coming. I see people who should be leaders acting like children, or even worse, teenagers whose only concern is being part of in the “in” club. I see people snickering in corners about fellow workers, family members, church members or friends because their minds are being trained to think it’s normal to behave that way. Just like we do on social media, we are watching it even if we aren’t actively participating. And just like on Facebook, it is affecting us whether we want to admit it or not.
So why does it matter? It matters because we are conditioning ourselves in ways that are harming us as individuals and as a society. Our “real” lives are in turmoil. We hear of tragedies almost daily where someone has attacked or even killed others. We hear of relationships of all kinds falling apart and everyone is more concerned with blaming each other and making sure they are the one who comes out “looking good.” We watch kids bully and be mean to each other but then whine and cry when someone does the same to them. We wring our hands and wonder why this selfish behavior has become so common, but we refuse to look in the mirror and admit we are part of the problem. Whether we are actually fighting or being a voyeur, we are part of the problem. We are more and more desensitized which makes us less and less self-aware. In our “real” lives, we are becoming quicker to point out others who are being rude, offensive or a host of other negative traits while not seeing our own.
I said earlier there are days I fear we are too far gone, but there IS hope! We actually can change, but we first have to want to change. There is a passage of scripture (James chapter 4) that affected me very deeply the first time I read it when I was a teenager. The entire chapter is great admonition as to how we should live, but it ends with this verse: “Therefore, to the one that knows to do good and doesn’t do it, to him it is sin.” We forget that not doing the things that are right and good are just as sinful in God’s eyes as doing all the wrong things. It’s time for us to stand up for what is good instead of defending our positions. It’s time for us to “think on these things” that are “true, honest, just, pure, lovely and of good report.” (Phil 4:8) We must remember that our hearts and the hearts of others are not protected behind a wall of perceived immunity. 
We are ALL humans. We are all imperfect and we all are tempted to get caught up in the drama with which we are constantly bombarded. Instead, let us hold each other close in heart. Let us truly love each other instead of tearing each other down. Let’s purge our social media feeds AND our lives of the things that continually remind us of how we are different we are and start looking at how we are all the same. Yes, it’s time for a “face”lift of a different kind, so I will leave you with this: “Therefore, we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.” (2 Corinthians 4:16)
Blessings!
There is a very familiar song from a very popular movie that continually tells us to “let it go.” Not a bad thought considering how many things in life seem to take us down in one way or another. We are hit continually with circumstances beyond our control – jobs, family issues, health issues, even the political climate – all of it can just wear us down to the point we truly feel like we cannot get up one more time. After all, why get up when life is just going to knock you back down again? That seems like a very valid question, doesn’t it? Of course it does, until you remember something all people of faith forget: Our circumstances may be out of our our control, but they are never out of God’s.
God never meant for us to hoard things in this world. He never wanted us to put down roots here when our forever home is actually with Him. “Yeah, yeah, but that’s just a nebulous concept when I’m living in the NOW.” We really struggle with letting go of anything! The things we consider “good” in life (money, secure jobs, good relationships, homes and possessions, etc.) are hard to let go of because we think if we “let it go” that means we lose it. The things we consider “bad” (money, secure jobs, bad relationships, possessions we’ve acquired, etc.) are hard to let go of because they are familiar and serve a purpose for us – even if that purpose is less than desirable. What we have is what we know, and we don’t like to consider the unknown. We don’t want to consider that letting go means everything might change. Letting go of the “good” means we lose and letting go of the “bad” means everything will be unfamiliar. After all, either way, what if we let it go and then don’t make it? What if we don’t survive? What if, what if, what if?
Life is difficult. We were never promised it would be easy, but it can be rich and fulfilling if we can learn to let things go. When we learn to let go, we also learn to embrace. Hurts that we have endured through various means or people can cripple us forever if we let them. People who have let us down, angered us, treated us poorly or unfairly, or rejected us completely don’t have to diminish us. Situations that have (or are) less than perfect don’t have to destroy us. We don’t have to hold onto our grudges or hurts. We don’t even have to hold on to our expectations that have gone unfulfilled. We probably need to readjust those expectations anyway. We, especially as people of faith, have a problem. We hold ourselves in such high regard that we feel like we have a right to hold onto our anger and hurt. We think so highly of ourselves that we feel entitled to NOT let things go. We think it is our right to make sure everything is eventually evened out in our world and that we are treated fairly, and we spend a lot of our time, energy and resources to ensure it happens. I have news for you: making things “fair” is not your responsibility. Do you know what IS your responsibility? Loving God, loving each other and letting things go.
Stop trying to cling to the familiar or to your desire to see that others get what you think they deserve. Quit holding onto your wounds as badges of honor and be willing to let the wounds in your heart heal. Let it go. Open your heart and let go of the pain from those who didn’t love you and embrace the One who does. And when the circumstances in your life start overwhelming you, or you feel that need for revenge start to rise within you, let it go. It isn’t worth it. We were never meant to carry around the weight of the world with us. We can do exactly what God’s word says in 1 Peter 5:7 – “Cast your cares on Him because He cares for you.” When we do that, we can still see the sun, no matter how the storms may rage around us. We can say, with great assurance, “Here I stand in the light of day. Let the storm rage on, the cold never bothered me anyway.”
Gossip. We’ve all been victims of it, and we’ve all been perpetrators of it. We hate when we hear someone has been talking poorly about us and it might even anger us when what is said is untrue. There’s a great lesson in the old game of “telephone” where one person whispers something to the person next to them, and then it is passed along through the line or circle of people and then spoken out loud at the end. Rarely is it even close to what was originally said, which often brings great laughter. Sometimes the morphing of the statement happens simply from people misunderstanding a word here or there, and sometimes it happens because someone deliberately changes a word or two just for the “fun of it.” Either way, it is a great reminder that whenever we hear something second, third (or even further) hand, we need to be very careful in how we react to it.
Lately it seems this subject has come up more and more, whether it is at work, church, family or other relationships. I think we go through seasons where it just flares in all areas, and we watch the destruction that it can cause when people “share information” with or about others. (In case you didn’t know, “sharing information” is just a nice way of saying “gossiping.” LOL) Anyway, It struck me this week how important it is for us to go back to that one first and foremost commandment that we love God above all else and the second that we love others as ourselves. I have shared often about the characteristics and nature of love as it is described to us in the Bible, and one of the traits that came up for me recently is where it says it “believes all things.” That means it believes the best in people regardless of what is said. It means you choose to believe the best about those you love, and when gossip hits your ears about something they may or may not have actually said about you, then you choose to believe it was a misunderstanding. If I love you and esteem you better than myself, I won’t fall prey to spreading gossip about you or taking gossip I hear about you to heart.
As I mentioned earlier, if I love you in the manner God has instructed me to love, and someone else tells me that you said something mean, nasty or untrue about me, I will choose to not believe it. Until God reveals otherwise, I will believe that something has been misunderstood or misinterpreted along the way. And if I don’t do that, then I’m not really exhibiting love at all. I know there are some who will disagree with me when I say this, but we don’t have a right to be angry, set the record straight or even clear our names. We don’t need to try and root out the source of the gossip so we can confront it. We need to simply leave it up to God, and the truth is we don’t like that one bit! It goes against our nature. The way we stop tongues from wagging is to simply not be one of them. And when something is said, we should respond with something like “I’m not comfortable hearing or discussing this unless that person is here to defend themselves.” That holds true whether we want to agree with the gossip or not. It’s easy to believe the bad about a person (or their intent/motives) when their personality rubs us the wrong way. Even as Christians, we tend to always believe the worst in each other. We may start out believing the best, but then something happens that we disagree with, we just stew about it. It’s just so much easier to believe the negative. And, truth be told, a lot of times we actually take pleasure in it. That should never be the case! We need to remember that we need to guard and control our ears as much as we need to guard and control our tongues!
This life of faith – “kingdom living” – is a higher calling, and if we are not going to rise up to that level, then we need to stop calling ourselves Christians. I’m not saying we will always be successful, because we will fail. We will fail miserably because our emotions will get in the way. We will fall prey to the enemy’s advances in our lives through our tongue and through our ears. It is time for it to stop. It is time to stand up and truly love in the way we are commanded. Because when we don’t, we are out of fellowship with God. It is not a feeling; it is a choice. It isn’t important what someone else says about you or what you may have heard about someone else. What is important is that when we engage in gossip or any other unloving behavior toward each other, God no longer hears our prayers because we now have unconfessed sin in our own lives (Psalm 66:18; Isaiah 59:2). The only way we can break through the deafening barrier of our own sin is by confessing it to God and asking for His forgiveness, which he has promised to grant every single time (1 John 1:9).
So as for me, it is my renewed commitment to be constantly striving to love as God expects me to love and forgive as He expects me to forgive. For me, it is a renewed commitment to believe the best in my brothers and sisters (and even non‑believers), whether at home, church, work or anywhere else. We need to do it with our spouses, children, family, friends, coworkers , etc., and yes, even with our enemies. There is no such thing as “partial obedience” when God instructs us to do something. It is pretty simple: either we obey or we do not. Let’s get back to weeding our own gardens instead of trying to weed each other’s. Let’s take the log out of our own eyes before trying to remove the splinter from someone else’s. And let’s quit finding creative ways to rationalize our behavior when it does not coincide with what we SAY we believe or KNOW is true. I call you to join me. I call us to action. Because through love, we are truly unstoppable.
Hate. Anger. Turmoil. It seems we are surrounded by it constantly these days. We could attribute it to recent tragedies or the political season, but I think it’s more than that. We are a rich country. I’m not saying everyone is rich, but even the poor in our country have access to more food, shelter and services than many other places. Here’s the thing about prosperity: It’s easier to have more time on our hands, and when we have more time, we have the choice to think about the blessings in our lives or all of the things that are not as we would like. We have more time to think, and yet our thoughts don’t always rest on what the Bible tells us in the book of Philippians: “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise – meditate on these things.” (Philippians 4:8) Instead, it seems our thoughts go to those things that are more selfish and divisive.
I am a white, conservative, heterosexual Christian. I also have friends and loved ones who are of all colors, religions, backgrounds and creeds. I love them all equally. I may have more in common with some, which leads me to spend more time with some, but I do not love them more. As a result of my perspective on love, I have some very deep and meaningful relationships with people that others may not understand. Some would even say I should not have these relationships based on my own “classifications.” What a load of crap! I would not turn my back on those relationships simply because we have different opinions or perspectives. Even the people I encounter and find extremely difficult to even tolerate (let alone love), I am still to love them. Loving as God has commanded means that I will love others and see them as God sees them. And in God’s eyes, they mean so much to Him that they are worth dying for! Do I always succeed at that? Sadly, I do not. Like many of you, I struggle to not get caught up into the anger that comes as a result of one side or another (on any issue) becoming belligerent, uncaring and unloving – even if I might agree with their actual position. Everyone likes to point the finger at others and say they are the “judgers,” but everyone shares that trait in common! Everyone is a hypocrite at one point or another. As a result, we end up living lives that are not abundant. We stress and fight and get tied up in knots internally over the issues that face us, while at the same time God is looking at us saying, “Come unto Me all you that labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” (Matt 11:28) God wants us to rest! He wants us to rest because resting from our labor should be refreshing. When we get quiet, our minds should turn to Him and to a true reflection of ourselves – not the image we try to portray to others.
After the recent Orlando tragedy, there are a lot of “love wins” quotes once again being circulated. I realize that phrase has been used for one particular cause, but the reality is that truest love DOES win – the love of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 DOES win! It wins because it will cause us to be honest with ourselves and take off our masks so that we can see ourselves for who we are. It allows us to face the truth of Matt 7:3-5 that says, “Why do you look at the speck in your brother’s eye but do not notice the log that is in your own eye? Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” 
Yes, you read that right. And as sacrilegious as it may sound, I will say it again, “God is NOT in control.” My entire life I have been taught over and over that God is in control and that He is always working in our lives. It is supposed to comfort us when we are hurting or scared, and strengthen us when we are weak and weary. After all, He has made so many promises to us in His word, including Romans 8:28 that says, “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to His purpose.” Although that is true, along with all the other promises about how He will never leave nor forsake us, there have been many times where it seems that just isn’t true. Sometimes our thoughts, emotions or lives feel so out of control, even when we are trying to serve God faithfully, that we start to wonder if God is REALLY in control.
The truth is I’ve always struggled with times like this, nights like this. Stresses in my life seem to pile up, which then increase my already heightened sensitivities, which then cause me to start spinning out of control. I have written creatively about these times in the past, poems, songs and musings, trying to describe the horrific sensation of such intensity and chaos. Even when the stresses or emotions are positive, the result ends up the same. There is chaos that is frightening and sadness that is overwhelming. I replay every situation, interaction and conversation, looking for clues that will help me understand what I am sensing. Did I say or do something that made someone angry or upset? Did I miss something that I should have seen that could have changed a situation personally or professionally? And the more I ask myself questions, I find there are less answers. Perhaps it is worse in the dark of the night, but it can be overwhelming even in the brightest day.
What a great assurance to know that He is in control. But all of these benefits, and everything He promises us in His word about having peace and contentment, are contingent on whether or not we ALLOW Him to be in control. When we just keep saying, “God is in control,” without reminding each other that He is only in control of what we allow Him to be, we are doing a great disservice to each other and to those around us. It is true that God is not the author of confusion, and if we (if I) will surrender my messy thoughts, emotions, and actions over to Him, then He will sort it out. I can relax, knowing He IS in control and has promised to work everything out for my good. We all long for a sense of order and control when things are overwhelming us. Sometimes we strive for that sense of control above all else, even if it’s false, but I have good news. You actually do have control. You control whether or not you will choose to allow God to take over and work things out.
The Cadence of My Soul 